Blainsville

18) Too Close to Home

Diana

Two days before Thanksgiving and I have to pick up our inlaws which sucked immensely because for now the outlets were closed. They had decided today of all days bridges were closed no one was allowed to leave so I was trapped in the house cabin fever setting in. "Jimmy? Babe?" I dont hear anyone I had came to the conclusion since I had some of the main ingredients for the dishes I figured I would start early. I was looking for Jimmy because he needed to be my taste test dummy both of us being pregnant was the same as saying opposites attract. I walk into the bedroom to find Jimmy laying there headphones on with his CD player beside him. I walk up to him and tap his shoulder he doesn't bother to look at me, "I need you to taste some things for me. Your pallet may be narrow minded at least you don't throw up air." He shrugs and nods his head. "James, your relatives will be here tomorrow and I'm trapped with them for three days I'm not gonna live. So come on; get up, lets go." James finally takes his headphones off, "What did you say? Sorry I was thinking about things... What do you need?" He repeats. "I'm gonna start the dinner early I don't know if anyone will be able to come over but I'm not letting that money waste away. Now the question is what are we gonna do about this?" I gesture to our stomachs. I was fairly flat with my boobs being a lot more sore and larger, "How are we going to explain you being how do I put this; rounder in some places? I mean I could tell them I'm pregnant but I don't want to say that until I'm for certain I wont miscarry again." It had already happened once before; about 10 weeks in I got really sick and lost the baby as a result. This was gonna be different though because even though I'm deciding to hide this from everyone but John and James if I told anybody I may jinx it this was my last physical shot before I decided that Jimmy being the expecting one was alright. At least by the time he had the babies it'd be socially acceptable. James trues to lift himself off the bed I offer a hand but he rejects it, "I have to get used to this... For when you're not here. Oh my God, im so fucking miserable I just want this over with already." He complains following me into the kitchen. I set all the ingredients out and preheat the oven Jimmy sat at the bar watching me go back and fourth from the fridge to the counter he smiles at me, "What's with that? Why are you looking at me like that?" I smile back putting a stray piece of hair behind my ear. He chuckles, "Oh nothing I'm just realizing what a perfect wife I have. I think you're so beautiful and outspoken you're gonna make a great mom." I giggle at him stirring a bowl of what would be stuffing. "Aw, you're so sweet sometimes. I'll admit I'm kind of scared now that we have gotten this far. Im afraid of what's after what's next? I mean I'm afraid I'm not gonna be a good mom or role model I mean babies learn from their parents all the time the first year after birth... What if this is too much to tackle too fast? I'm just scared." I finally admit that I know I'm only 6 weeks pregnant which is really early I lived beneath tons of fear that this cant be happening. We wanted children but three babies all around the same time and age? We might as well be raising chicks. It took me some amount of time to get passed the I cant have my own kids phase only to realize that James still hadn't accepted the pregnancy himself. I end up making two dishes the stuffing goes in the oven to bake next I start on the raspberry cheesecake. I usually started the night before but this year we were lucky we had some money for the holiday at all. I had been getting paid a decent 12 an hour that put food on the table with James been transcribing from home for a pharmaceutical business and that paid the bills. So far though we had to make cuts and budgets to almost everything we did. We went from paying for cable satellite premium television which only gave us 4 channels... Boring. Next we had to cut out insanely healthy meals yeah right James eats any and everything only with ketchup or Dijon mustard. As for me I didn't have vomiting or even mood swings I was usually tired and hungry. It sucked though when we cut out having sex most of the week usually by the time I come home around 5 or 6 I prepare dinner, wash dishes, dry the dishes and pass out about 2 hours later. As for Jimmy he slept most of the day due to boredom would work 7 hours at night and passed out before I got up for work in the morning. It was like as soon as we found out I was pregnant our schedules went awry we were like roommates now than a couple but it was mainly we were so tired, broke and in debt. I have to find the courage in me to say it, "James, do you still love me?" He looks at me like I'd slapped him across the face, "Why in the world would you ask me something like that? Of coarse I love you, Ana. I love you even more that you're finally getting your dream come true. You're gonna have a big family just like you wanted. Its odd but kind of meant to be for us to be carrying at the same time. I'm going to bet money they all look like me." He comes around from the bar to grab me in his arms. I slowly start to cry but I had no idea why. "I just needed to hear you say that is all. James... What if... What if..." I try to say but I can't I keep choking on the words I had a hunch he knew what I meant. "Diana, we aren't even sure if all of us will live through the delivery. We're not even sure how they're born but the way I feel I already know. Don't start going to those why now, what if... We don't need those doubts. In the case I don't survive this I want you to promise if you cant save me then chose the twins. Im only 32 but I'm willing to die for my family obviously I'm already 4 months and nowhere near the end." I keep choking on my tears I couldn't imagine my life without him... It wasn't really a life at all being with James its like an adventure. I loved adventure and mischief so that made James and I a perfect couple if he died giving birth I'm not sure what to do. My mind cant fathom going that far in my fantasy we all lived and had a strong, happy exciting life with 6 kids in all we live the American dream. But the reality is it wont end well there's a fifty fifty chance things wont go to shit but he loved our babies so much he's willing to take that risk. When I finished mixing the cake mix James already planning to steal the bowl away I slap his hand, "Hey! Why'd you do that?" "You cant eat this raw eggs are dangerous." He pouts throwing the spoon at the wall behind me. He gets up and storms off into the bedroom slamming the door behind him. I couldn't help but chuckle through I was confused these mood swings were unpredictable and crazy that's what I began to call a pissy fit its an original thing where one or both partners storm off to the bedroom slamming the door. All I had told him was no raw cake mix hell I wanted some too but I cant. I had to be creative so I decided to go out to the store down the street buy a small honey snack cake and come back with my surrender. This was so routine vise versa its ridiculous; I knocked on our door waiting patiently. I had got him the snack cake and chocolate milk and me a frosted brownie with regular milk. "Baby, I didn't mean to slap you earlier. That was a love tap you know I was only watching out for us... I care about you and the twins. Baby can you let me in?" I reach for the doorknob discover its not locked I walk inside put the things on the bed, "James, I said I'm sorry I bought you something you're gonna like..." I walk around and find him on the floor in the master bathroom bent over near the toilet dry heaving. I ran to his side and felt his forehead, "Baby you're burning up... Something is wrong here. What's... What's happening?" I ask going for a cold towel to put on his neck, "I don't know... I was laying in bed and had this sharp pain it was like someone took a blade across my stomach. I got sick... Im ok for now I think... Just some kicking..." He's laying his head against the toilet. We're sitting here I'm waiting to see if he's going to be ok that's when I feel his shoulders tense then his whole body goes stiff, "Ohhhh..." He's bending forward starts throwing up again. "Babe, what was that?" That's when he lifts his hand up to me and its blood. I nearly jump letting him fall over but if I panicked we'd both be scared, "Hurts... Hurts so much... Diana, get me to the fucking doctor now!" He isn't taking he's trying to breath while I'm trying to find my breath. I'm praying to God that he isn't having my issues only he made it further along then I did. "Johnny, please call me back. I'm having to take Jimmy to the hospital... It's... He's bleeding and throwing up. I hope he's not miscarrying... I don't know... Get over to Saint's." I quickly add he wasn't there right now so I left a message. I try to help Jimmy out the door by now he's holding his swollen stomach trying not to cry, "What the fuck am I gonna do? What the fuck is happening?" He near hysterics by now I want to cry because I need to help him they're hurt I cant let them die. I take the drive through back roads while I'm having to hear James groan every so often. I make it to the hospital only to find its completely packed. I try to carry him inside that's a nightmare so I go to find some nurses. The nurses push me out of the way and throw him on top of a gurney so quick, "Is he going to be ok? Are our babies going to live? Please be ok... Please fucking be ok." I'm muttering to myself with every nurse and doctor that walks in. "How far along is he?" I'm so frazzled and worried I cant hear anything at least not a whole sentence, "Ma'am how far along is he? We need to monitor the baby." I finally find it in me to reply, "Four months. He's four months the last appointment we went to was a couple weeks ago. Is he gonna be ok?" I begin to ask, "We're not sure yet are you the wife?" She asks like it wasnt obvious I nod quickly. "We need you to wait out here while we try to get him settled in. Give us 15 minutes." She says going back behind the curtain. I'm pacing the entire time hoping; praying to any God who will answer I wanted them to be ok... But the news they cant wait to tell me comes before I even get to his side. "Are you his wife?" I nod, "Yes, now for fucks sake can you tell me what's wrong?" I'm over panicking now I'm scared to death, "Well you are aware he's carrying twins? What happened isn't very common but sometimes happens with multiples because the placenta is being moved in a different position. That can cause bleeding but its not too bad he's slightly anemic which caused more blood than most. He should be fine but we want to keep you guys over night make sure the babies are doing alright. I do suggest he go on bed rest from this point on." The doctor adds before finally allowing me to see Jimmy. I run beside him and grab his head in my hands kissing his face over and over. "Baby we're ok; we'll be ok. Its just the placenta its in an awkward position I'm guessing that's why these little fellas have been so active. They need more room." He chuckles rubbing circles over his belly. "That's probably true they have been getting around in there lately. Right now its just little nudges and shifts in a couple months it'll be full blown soccer players." I giggle he gives me a go to hell glare. "I'm just glad you're ok. I guess the morning sickness is coming back?" He shrugs, "You know I don't know why I was sick maybe it was because of the placenta. They also said I'm anemic so yay more fucking pills." I sit in the bed beside him my hand now rubbing circles on his stomach while his hand is on mine. That was too close a call we had to be extra careful, "Sam." I mumble laying my head on his shoulder, "What did you say?" He asks, "Sam, it's unisex and gender neutral." I smile up at him cheekily; he hums a bit and closes his eyes.