Blainsville

20) The Blizzard

Jessica

I moved back in with John in less then a week and because I was excited but out of anxiety plus he was right about Rhea. It was going to take some time possibly the rest of my life to try and overcome this obstacle but at least we wouldn't be dealing with it alone. I'll admit I missed Johnny; I missed his touch, his kisses, his concern for our family when I was acting like an emotional wreck. "I believe that's the last of it. Welcome back, baby." He pulls me in for a long, passionate kiss. "Yeah I suppose it is... Its a good thing I never hired moving guys to take it all or we would have never got this done." I smile slightly. It didn't mean the pain and sorrow and guilt was gone just being with him back in our house was helping a bit. It had been a dreary looking day today; very cold and rainy and there was talk of a blizzard moving in from Canada in a couple of hours so the mission of moving some of my belongings back to the house was hell. "Do you think we should go grab a few groceries in case we get snowed in? I mean there is a week until Christmas maybe do some shopping for Lindsey?" John asks. "I got most of it alone at the beginning of the month ahead of the rush. Although I do need to get some stocking stuffers for you and my Nona. I guess we could go... I just don't want us to get trapped in the snow." I add. Lindsey's school was cancelled due to road conditions and thick ice that would be bad in the next hour. John and I take Lindsey with us to the nearby Kmart which luckily is only a mile away so if the weather was bad it wasn't going to be so hard to get home. "Mommy, can I have one?" Lindsey is holding a chocolate bar not an ordinary one but a one pound box. "Oh hell no! Put that back you already have gifts its not even christmas yet." I tell her so Lindsey throws it on empty shelf and takes my hand.  "You always got better gifts for Rhea." She mumbles thinking I didn't hear her, "What did you just say?" I stop the buggy and get down at Lindsey's level. She kicks at the linoleum scuffing it, "You always got better gifts for Rhea... You always gave me the little stuff. You loved Rhea more than me didn't you?" She asks her blue eyes getting glossy. I turn away trying not to let my anger seep through because something about the way she said it; so calmly it really irked me. "No. I do not play favorites with either of you. I loved both of you equally for you to even think that I care and treated Rhea better hurt Mommy's feelings. I want you to apologize to me for that... How dare you think that." Lindsey glances up at me and barely breaths because of how serious I was. About then John comes from an aisle across from us holding a couple of trinkets possibly me by the way he was holding it. "What's going on over here?" He asks trying to put them in the buggy. "Lindsey thinks I loved Rhea more... I'm so pissed right now. My own Damn daughter hates me." I push the basket toward John's side and storm off. I didn't care where I ended up in this fucking store I was too distraught to even notice that I was in the babies/ children's aisle. That's when I end up looking around at all the baby onesies, bottles and toys. Part of it brings back a certain nostalgia back to when Rhea and Lindsey were babies themselves. As I continue to glance around; reliving in a simpler and better time I run into Diana totally by chance, "Oh hey. What are you doing over here? I take it shopping for Lindsey?" She asks not wanting to say anything more. Shes probably upset because the disagreement we had over the phone a month ago. "Oh no, I just ended up here on accident... Lindsey upset me so I stormed off." Diana grabs a tiny pair of baby socks, "Aren't these the cutest thing?! I'm so excited we are finally getting to do this." Diana says that's when Jimmy comes up beside her. He's gotten noticably rounder being 5 months pregnant with twins he looked like he was ready to pop. "Wow Jimmy you're starting to show a lot more. You look great." Jimmy snorts, "Yeah right. I'm a fucking galaxy I don't know what you're looking at but it ain't me." I try to hold back a laugh that's when I notice Diana put on some weight too, "Are you expecting too?" I ask picking up a bottle pick Diana glances over at Jimmy who gestures her a thumbs up. "Yeah actually we're not sure what the gender is. I kind of don't want to know I want it to be a surprise. So how are you doing? We haven't spoke in over a month... The last time we dis speak you called me a bitch." Diana leans on her shopping cart. "Yeah about that... Im sorry. I was just upset and going through a tough time you know with Rhea's death and all. I chose to call off the divorce trial with Johnny too in fact I moved back in." Diana lights up, "That's great, Jess! I'm glad you two didn't get separated I'd hate to imagine what would have happened of you did. I wanna apologize for what I said too, it was uncalled for. I'd really like to just put this behind us." I smiled at her and look through the baby onesies. "You should come to our baby shower in a month we wanted to do it for the holidays but it didn't seem right. Its going to be January 31st at 1pm its a joint shower but I didn't reveal that to James yet so lets just keep it between us for now." Diana leans in just a bit, "Oh and we do have a registry well I started one for both of us. So whatever you wanna buy for him just tell the layaway register lady. Well we gotta get moving the weather's going to get ugly soon." As they begin to turn away I put my hand on her shoulder and sneak her a side hug, "I'll call you later alright?" Diana giggles, "Ok, Jess see ya." It was weird but reassuring to know that no matter what mean thing we say to each other it all works out in the end somehow. I was glad we just put the whole ordeal aside like water off a ducks back. Johnny comes running toward me when he sees me walking out if the baby aisle, "What the hell happened? For a second I thought you drove home without me... Are you any better?" He asks that's when he sees the baby onesie and bottle pack in my arms. "Ah I see you found some gifts for Jimmy and Diana. Speaking of that I just ran into them a second ago. Jimmy said you apologized to her for something that happened last month... I'll admit im proud of you, Jessica. Its like your old self again. We were walking to a check out line when what he said started to get to me, "What did you mean by that anyway?" I ask as were standing in line, "I meant that you don't seem as upset anymore. You seem a bit happier than you were, mending past problems... We're pulling through." He says kissing my hand. Just something about the way he said that like I was crazy or something it triggered me, "Ok first off you're acting like I'm crazy. Like I'm dealing with fucking depression... Like I'm my fucking mother. Well I'm not, John. I'm nothing like my mother I can manage." I snap he doesn't say anything for a few moments probably afraid to correct me. "Alright... I didn't mean for you to take it the wrong way, Jess." I was already still upset about Lindsey "hating" me now Johnny was calling me irrational that topped the cake. I storm off throwing the baby gifts on the ground I grab Lindsey by her hand dragging her beside me.