Blainsville

14) The Commute

Jess

I could see myself holding the knife I didn't know why I was holding it but it seemed familiar. I could hear screaming I think it was Diana she kept yelling to stop; to put the knife down. I glance up there I see Lindsey staring through the car window in the back terror on her face. Rhea was in my arms suddenly I put the knife to her throat and quickly pulled it across her light flesh. Suddenly I shot up I noticed I was drenched in a cold sweat I hadn't felt the large amount of tears falling on my face until I walked to the bathroom. I close the door and lock it behind me I instantly fall to the floor my face in my hands leaving me to my sadness until John knocks on the door, "Jessica, is everything ok?" I cant answer being wracked by loud sobs. I didn't know that John unlocked the door somehow walking in to see me broken, "It was a nightmare, Jess just a horrible nightmare." I'm trying to catch my breath but the tears and urge to scream keeps coming, "It wasn't just a nightmare, Johnny... It really happened. I killed our fucking daughter! Rhea is dead because of me! I'm such an evil mother! I'm worse than Hilary Clinton!" I start yelling. "Calm down, baby calm down. Its ok, its ok. You don't mean to do it Jess... It was an accident that's all it was, honey." He didn't understand; Johnny would never understand what I did to our little girl it was unforgivable... I couldn't stand myself. "The nightmares will stop don't worry eventually they will stop." He's hugging me tight as I cry hysterically, "No they wont... The nightmares never stop." I add sniffling. John carries me as I continue to cry back to bed he lays me down plopping right beside me, "Jessica, the nightmares are temporary I only say that because it was out of your control. You did not intentionally kill Rhea I know deep down inside you you would never do something like that. I love you, Jess. Lindsey loves you just what she saw wasn't her mother... No one was in their right mind that day." I didn't say anything after that because even though the nightmares were vivid and disturbing he was right. I wasn't the only one who murdered their child that much is true. After laying in John's arms for the better half of an hour or so I finally passed out from either sadness or exhaustion.

John

I'll admit I was scared for Jess each night was the same dreadful night terror she was slowly beginning to lose it.  It was 6:30am Jess had passed out over an hour ago as for me I had to get ready for work there was yet another mystery to be solved not for just the pregnancies but for my wife. I didn't want to disturb my sleeping beauty so I slowly crawled out of bed and went to the kitchen to start breakfast also I had to wake up Lindsey I figured I would drop her off at school. "Baby, its time to wake up daddy is taking you to school today. Breakfast is almost ready." I whisper into Lindsey's ear she stirs a bit and wakes up. I set the table just for Lindsey to eat while she gets dressed she finally comes out after a few minutes, "Hi daddy... Where's mommy? She always takes me." Lindsey grumbles taking her seat. "Mommy isn't feeling too great so I'm gonna take care of you, ok?" I put a small pile of scrambled eggs on her plate and a piece of toast. "I have bad dreams too, daddy." I stop what I'm doing and sit down across from her, "You have nightmares, Lindsey? About what?" Lindsey scatters her eggs before answering. "About Rhea... Mommy cuts Rhea's throat and I watch as her blood goes all over the place." To hear my 7 year old daughter say this to me not only terrified me but made me sad; Jessica was right Lindsey would never forget this but age understood. "Lindsey you do know those are just dreams they cant hurt you. Mommy and daddy would never hurt you. You shouldn't have had to see that happen that day... I wish that I could have saved you. You and Rhea both but I couldn't... For that Daddy is so sorry. I'm so sorry, baby." I pull her in for a hug Lindsey doesn't hug me back, "But mommy killed Rhea on purpose she would kill me too." I squeeze her tighter I cant cry in front of her it would scare her more. Lindsey understands death obviously but she didn't understand that Jess wasn't a monster... Was she? I told Lindsey to go grab her backpack so we could head out. It wasn't far from the elementary school to our house maybe ten minutes luke everything else in town was, "Is mommy going to pick me up?" Lindsey asks before exiting the car, "Yep she will be here around 2. Have a good day ok love bug?" I blew her a kiss as she closes the car door. I drove off to the clinic yeah I would be am hour early but it gave me time to think; to research the events one more time because if I didn't this was going do drive me insane.