Blainsville

10) Secrets and Lies

Jess

I had just finished cleaning up the dishes after dinner; it was just Lindsey and I tonight I guess. John had been at the office half the day it seemed like that was the only place he ever hung around anymore. "Mommy?" I hear a voice behind me, it was Lindsey. "Yes baby?" I ask back, "Can you read me a story? I miss when Rhea used to before bed. She always did the voices." I bend down to her level and look into her light brown eyes. "You miss Rhea don't you, baby?" She nods her face contorting into utter sadness, "I miss her too, Lindsey... Daddy and me both." We hold each other crying so hard that maybe just maybe if we held each other tight enough we could mend the pain. But no matter the love nothing could change the fact that my daughter was gone... A daughter I would never be able to get back. "I'm scared, Mommy." Lindsey sniffs. "Why are you scared?" I ask as I wipe my nose. "You killed Rhea what if you try to kill me next? You really hurt Rhea, Mommy. You scare me." Hearing that from my baby girl hit me like a punch to the gut. Suddenly it all came back to me; the blood so much dark blood, feeling it in my hands and between my fingers. The knife, the screaming... It all just came like a rush of emotion. "Why dont you go on to your room and I will be there in a minute to tuck you in. I have to call daddy alright?" I kiss Lindsey on her cheek and she slowly walks away dragging Mr. Stuffles behind her. I had to call John not just for my sanity being able to hold it together but because hearing that Jimmy was pregnant was enough to cause me to hit the edge. "This is Dr. Cromwell's office if you are receiving this I'm not in at the moment. Please leave your message after the tone." I wasnt sure what to say without completely breaking down so I started off with, "Its Jesse if you get this message I need you to get home when you can. We need to talk, love you." I hang up, "Mommy?" I hear Lindsey calling from down the hall, "I'm coming, baby." I reply back. John had better get his ass here soon because I had a fuck ton of questions that needed answers.

John

The drive home isn't long but it being sometime around 8 PM ob a Tuesday night was pretty boring. I had a feeling Jessica was more than likely worried or at least wondering where I was, but knowing Jess she probably had a hunch. Today I'll admit was a tiresome day after one appointment after the next during lunch I'd be lucky if I had dinner I was exhausted, confused and part of me wanted to crash. Especially puzzled about the FBI showing up as if I knew something they hadn't. What were they expecting anyway? A medical, miracle breakthrough? Part of me was sure they had already found out themselves I was just a middle man. I made it home finally the house was dark the only visible light is on the porch. I walk in from the back to avoid waking Jess and Lindsey most likely were asleep in our bedroom, but still Lindsey had been sleeping in our bed since the death of Rhea I believe she was trying to deal with the grief still too young to understand death. I glance around to turn on the kitchen light so I could find my dinner thats when I spot Jess sitting at the table I can tell this talk isnt going to end well. "Hello, Johnny. How was your day?" She emphasis on the your I can hear the irritation in her tone, "It was alright kind of slow. How about you? Get anything at the mall?" Thats when she snaps, "Oh it was great... You know I bought Lindsey a new jacket, some skirts found out that Jimmy was carrying twins. The usual..." I turn quickly to face her still cradling my beer. "Thats interesting kind of impossible but interesting. What was for dinner?" That look on her face is one I know well but one I also fear. She is livid and I'm about to enter the seventh circle of Hell, "Bullshit, you lied to me!" She yells hurdling a glass toward my head, "You dirty fucking liar! You knew about this shit didn't you?!" Why the hell did you think you could hide something that important from me?! I'm guessing that's why all this weird shit is happening around here?! So you just think can show up this late at night..." I point to the clock, "Its only 8:30, Jess! Slow your roll, how did me asking for dinner turn into a fit of rage. I was going to tell you eventually just you wouldn't understand. Hell, I don't understand what the fuck is happening! Don't you come at me with those 'you lied to ma's crap because I didn't lie to you. I just hid certain details." She shoots up, "The hell you didn't, Johnny! Was I supposed to get my info from the other side vineyard or what?!" Jess is more than pissed now in fact she's so angry part of me fears I'm about to be slapped. "Well god Damn it, Jess if you and your little birdies stopped gossiping you guys are as bad as a sewing circle. It wasn't important enough to tell anyone anyway. Yeah I know you're my wife but, its my practice therefore its my business." Jessica grows quiet suddenly and next come the tears just this ugly, angry broken tears. "What are you even crying about?! Should I be scared now?" Her eyes dont seem so full of irritation anymore now it feels more like... Regret? "Jessica? Hey, its ok, its ok. Calm down." I try to coax her to sit beside me, "I remember, John. I remember that day I cant sleep knowing I did it." Oh. Oh no. She blames herself for what happened to Rhea. No matter how many times I try to convince her otherwise shes never going to forgive herself. "I did it, Johnny. I killed our daughter ok?! Every single fucking night I have the same nightmares the one with so much blood; so much death. I killed our baby girl!" She sobs it was the sound of her soul breaking entirely. "Babe, honey Jess it wasn't your fault. You weren't aware of what you were doing... None of you were. Its going to be ok, baby. I know it hurts I hurt too, Jess believe me I hurt." I hold her for as long as its going to take if I let go it might be a huge mistake we needed this; we needed to let it out. "I know you tried to be brave, baby. I am too but its something we're not going to get through alone." Jess clings tighter she puts her face in the crook of my neck, "Lindsey said something to me today that really set me off; something no child should ever have to say to a parent." She sniffles and pulls back a few inches till its just our noses touching, "Shes terrified of me. Legit scared of her own mother. That hurt John, it fucked me up. She only thinks that because she witnessed me slaughtering Rhea. I'm so fucked up! I'm so fucking evil!" I squeeze her, "Jessica, you know I love you don't you? What that day was... I know we'll never understand probably never figure out. What do you recall from that moment? What do your nightmares tell you?" We're sitting in silence for a few moments; Jess glances at her feet. "I remember the knife... I remember holding a butcher knife. I tried to stop myself but my body wouldn't comply. It was if another force took over it was like I was possessed. I couldn't see anything but red; I was so angry. I don't know why I was so upset but it was for a reason. Diana said she kept screaming and telling me to stop but I couldn't... I wanted to but I just couldn't get my mind to stop. I remember taking the knife and glancing at it but it was already too late; Rhea was bleeding so much. For some reason though I didnt help her I felt as if I would faint or at least vomit." I couldnt believe what I was being told but it had triggered something, something the agents said earlier, "Do you remember hearing anything strange? Or did it just happen suddenly?" Jess wipes her eyes but what was the point she'd only end up a distraught mess again in a few, "I heard this ringing, a loud, annoying ring. It sounded like it came from everywhere." Bingo. Perhaps that ringing was in unison and had some kind of subliminal effect. "Why don't you go run us a bath and I'll join you in a minute? I have to make a call." I know how random that sounded and weird but I had a key piece of evidence for what caused the many deaths. "We will be able to help you momentarily please hold." Jess was already down the hall running that nice scorching hot water while I awaited impatiently for someone to answer the damn phone, "Hello, Agent McDonald speaking..." I got through at least, "Yeah hey there its Dr. Cromwell, I think I have some information you might find helpful..."

Jimmy

I had passed out sometime after having incredible makeup sex. But once we stopped the throws of passion I could feel these mild cramps now I know what women go through on their period. It didn't hurt just enough to annoy me it became a bit harder to breath I'll admit it was most likely the extra weight added to my middle. Yeah, it was fairly small but it made it hard to sit up when laying down completely or when I was on top during sex moving a certain angle would cause this pain. I turn over; my arm moving to put it on top of what should be Diana but all I felt was an empty pillow that made me alarmed where'd she go? I barely open my eyes in the dark and notice that Diana wasnt beside me it looked as if I just collapsed on her perhaps she went to go watch TV. I sit up a little in bed I glance over at the clock radio beside me it read 10pm. This would be the first time in a long time that I fell asleep early and somehow accomplished staying asleep. That's when my stomach flipped I try as best I can to jump out of bed without falling forward due to being half asleep. I ran down the hall to the bathroom and began to empty what little contents I ate that day. I threw up a few times and rest my head on the cold edge of the toilet. I take a couple shallow breaths and it starts up again that's when Diana catches me. "Oh my god, James are you ok? How long has this been going on?" I cant exactly speak not without throwing up more. I can taste something off it isn't acid more metallic like iron. "Holy fuck! Baby, just give me a second I'm gonna call John! This is not good; this is fucking dangerous!" I found it kind of weird and ironic that I would know what stomach acid taste like but unaware I was literally puking my guts up. All I know is that I couldn't stop I would try to catch my breath but it wouldn't help that wasn't going to happen, that alone made me freak. "John its Diana we have a situation. Jimmy is puking up blood! It started a few minutes ago, I don't know why but I'm freaking out! He cant get a breath in inch wise its just constant! You need to get here and fast! I don't want to lose him or our babies! Just hurry!" Diana hangs up and runs back beside me, "Babe..." I throw up once again, "...if I don't live past this. I dont regret it... I don't..." She's rubbing my back majorly panicking; trying not to lose it, "You're not gonna die, Jim! We're gonna be alright, you'll be just fine baby! I promise you'll make it through this!" Diana yells I can feel her shuddering from fear. Maybe it was her or maybe that was me getting chills from losing so much blood in such short time.