Sinners and Saints II

Chapter 53

Amy let out an exhale, moving her body nervously on the bed as she watched Olivia hurry out of her closet with hangers filled with a lot of clothes as fast as she could. She threw them on the bed, right beside her huge Osburn box. She turned again and hurried to the closet.

"Come on Olivia," Amy couldn't stay quiet anymore. The whole silence was beginning to be really frustrating. "You're not seriously thinking of moving out of this place are you?" She asked just as Olivia returned to the bed with another heap of clothes.

"I mean, I'd love to let you and Grace stay at my place for as much and as long as you want but this is just a bit too weird, whatever it is going on between you and Rafael, you both can sort it out. You can't just leave."

Olivia folded the clothes neatly one after the other and then dropped it into the box.
"What happened to mutual understanding? What happened to talking it out?"

"You can't talk someone out of being selfish and inconsiderate Amy. I honestly don't want to talk about any of this anymore." Olivia's voice was breaking. She was trying so hard to avoid facial contact with Amy but Amy could see through her.

Amy could see she was hurting and trying so hard not to cry.

"Olivia it's almost midnight." Amy's voice was so tiny now. She was trying so hard not to say too much or talk too loud so Olivia didn't cry. "How do we even find a cab at this time of the night?"

Olivia paused for a second with a cloth in her hand.

"I'm so stupid." Olivia threw the dress she was holding onto the box with a small force that made Amy almost jump. "I was so stupid to think he'd do the right thing. To think he'd choose me and all those people."

Olivia slowly sat on the bed. She couldn't help herself anymore. She couldn't stop herself from crying or feeling so sad.

"I thought it was going to be different with him but I was wrong." Her voice broke as she sobbed continuously. "Why exactly does this keep happening to me God. Of all the people in this world, it had to be his. Why can't God let me be happy, truly happy for once? Why does he keep making everything so hard? I just don't understand."

Olivia sniffed. She couldn't even stop crying and what was worse, Amy had to sit there and listen to her even though she didn't know why or what happened in the room. She let out a soft exhale. She could see Olivia needed time. She needed some time alone to help herself cry and think and Amy wasn't going to stop her. She didn't want to. She knew if she wanted Olivia to get over whatever it was, she had to let her do it alone, without any interruptions.

Amy took a deep breath. That was her cue to leave. She slowly leaned closer to Amy and then gently placed a hand on her shoulder.

"I'd just go and help Lucy pack Grace's things."
She gave Olivia a tiny squeeze and then got up from the bed. Olivia was barely listening. She barely noticed Amy get up from the bed and then out of the room. She held her breath until she heard the tiny click from the door. That was her confirmation. Her breaking point. She slowly rose one of her clothes to her face so she didn't have to cry out loud. She cried into it, not daring to stop.

She wanted to let it all out. All that pain and anger that welled up inside of her. She wanted to let it go. She kept crying as hard as she could, not even trying to stop for a second.

She was in a lot of hurt and pain that she barely even thought about anything else that happened around her. Her heart was breaking to pieces. Her soul was breaking. She couldn't take it. She couldn't take any of it.

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Rafael could watch Lucy and the driver pull the boxes towards the taxi that parked right outside the huge house from where he stood, right in front of the window with his both hands in the pocket of his trousers. He had not even bothered to change his clothes since the fight. He just stood there, watching as Olivia pulled Grace to the car with Amy right behind them. It looked so much like Grace was crying. She didn't want to leave. She kept looking at the window, maybe hoping Rafael would come out and stop them but he didn't. He watched Olivia bend over so she could maintain a face level with Grace and then whispered some words to her.

He watched Grace nod slowly like she was slowly beginning to listen right before Olivia cleaned her eyes and then got up again just as Amy slowly took Grace's hands and led her to the taxi while Olivia watched them get in. There were no more bags to be carried. Rafael was sure of that since Lucy just stood right beside Olivia and then they exchanged hugs.

He watched Olivia slowly turn back to the house, her eyes exactly on the window, wondering if she could see him. She could. It wasn't like he was invincible or the window was tainted. She could see him look right outside. She couldn't see too much since the window was a bit high.

That was enough.

Rafael was trying so hard to keep his emotions in control. He didn't want to watch her leave. He didn't want her to notice him either. He was too ashamed of himself to even look at her.

He turned away from the window, his eyes meeting Benita's in a hurry. He almost jumped out of his skin especially since he saw the huge frown on her face and an extra look of confusion. She had no idea what was going on.

"Chukwudalu," She started. "What happened between you two? Why is Olivia suddenly leaving the house?"

Rafael exhaled and then walked away from her, he needed a rest. He needed to sleep and he didn't exactly need her to notice the tears in his eyes.

"Are you just going to let them leave like that?" Benita turned around to so she could watch him. "Aren't you going to stop them from leaving?"

"Why do I have to?" Rafael climbed the small stairs that led to his bed. He got in it. "It's probably for the best. I can't do anything for her anymore. I can't do anything for them. She's better off." He threw the thick white blanket over himself just as Benita walked as fast as she could to him. She didn't understand one bit why he was acting that way, why it looked like he was intentionally pushing her away again.

"Chukwudalu how can you say that? How can you say it's the best? How can you let them just leave like that?" She climbed the stairs too just as Rafael tried so hard to make himself comfortable in the bed.

"Nanny, if you don't mind, I'd like to be alone." He told her, trying so hard not to look at her. "I've had an exhausting day at the office and I'd like to sleep even if it's for a second."

"I can't let you be until you explain all of this to me."

"Nanny," Rafael exhaled. "Come on, Please."

The woman hurried to sit on the bed too just so she could face him. Rafael could feel her burning gaze on him even as he tried so hard not to look at him. It looked like she was examining him.

"You look so pale." She told him, slowly reaching for his chin and pulling it so she could have a better look at him, having a good look at his dull eyes and pale lips. She placed the back of their palm on his neck. "You have a fever too."
She narrowed her gaze on him. Rafael sighed.

He pulled himself into his blanket.

"It's nothing Nanny, I'm fine. I just need to sleep." He pulled his blanket over his shoulder.

"Rafael, you're not fine." She leaned closer to him. "You're shivering." She noticed how he was beginning to shake under the blanket. "You're ill."

Rafael sniffed just as a tear rolled down his face.

Benita swallowed hard.

"I'd call for a doctor." She tried to get up when Rafael grabbed her hand to stop her. She hurriedly turn to look at him.

"Don't." He told her. She looked worried. "Don't call anybody."

"Are you trying to kill yourself?" She asked him as he slowly put his hand back into his blanket.

"I can't live with myself Nanny, not after all I know now, not after what I've done, not after what I said to her. She doesn't deserve me. No one does." He sniffed as another tear fell from his face. "I feel so useless now. I feel I might be a worse monster than my father, than the monsters I've spent all my life trying to fight. They are all better off without me."

"My son." Benita said almost in a whisper as she sat back on the bed. Rafael sniffed and then cleaned his eyes. Benita was almost in tears too.

"I honestly need to be alone Nanny. I need to-" he took a deep breath and then shut his eyes slowly, his breathing was slowing down now. Benita sniffed as her own tears began to fall from her face. She felt so sad for him. So sorry for him. She didn't even know what to say or how to help him.

"Rafael," she whispered his name but he didn't move. She leaned closer to him and then sniffed. "Rafael."