Words [l.h.]

Part 1 - Chapter 3

Dear Luke,

You once told me about songs that reminded you of me. I asked you what kind of songs you meant, but you did not respond. Instead you called me two weeks later and excitedly told me I had to come over to your house. You sounded rushed and told me it was urgent. I immediately thought something bad had happened, but when I showed up at your door and rang your bell impatiently, you opened the door with a huge grin on your face. I was confused as to why you wanted me to come over so quickly. All you did was grab my arm and pull me up the stairs so fast I almost fell over my own feet. (I must say we had only seen eachother a couple of times before and we weren't even together yet, so it was a bit odd that you would call me to show me something.)

I had never been into your room before and to be honest, I was not surprised at all. The first thing I saw when I first stepped into your room was a white electric guitar, you later told me it was a stratocaster and I still do not know what that means. Anyway, you told me to sit down and close my eyes. I refused to do so, because I had only met you four weeks before and I honestly did not trust you. So I did not close my eyes, but I did turn around. And then you told me to turn around and then you were standing there, your eyes sparkling with excitement, and you were holding a cd. It turned out to be a mixtape, of all the songs that reminded you of me. And again, I almost cried. God, how in the world could someone I had only just met be so kind and caring and sweet and beautiful and God knows what more?

The name of the mixtape was just simply Lett. Your explanation for the name made me feel dizzy, because you were basically a stranger and you seemed to understand me so well and I was so confused. I still remember your exact words, because I made you say it an infinite number of times in my head. You said: "I named it Lett, because that is the part of your name that nobody ever uses, right? I feel like that is the part of you that people don't really know. Scarlett, I would really like to get to know that part of you and by making this mixtape, I felt like I was closer to you already. So I named it Lett."

And you were looking at me with this expression that made me want to throw myself into your arms and stay there forever, but I was still so confused. Nobody had ever said anything like that to me and it made me feel things I never felt before and I would never dare to describe to anyone. And you were still looking at me and I looked at you and we had this nice I-do-not-really-know-you-but-I-would-love-to-get-to-know-you staring moment. And I did the stupidest thing someone could ever do in such a moment. You know, you would expect I kissed you, right then and there, like any healthy human being would do. But I did not kiss you. I thought of kissing you, but I didn't do it. No, I did something really fucking stupid. 

I walked away.

I just walked out like that, I even left the cd. Why? I do not know why. You came after me and asked me why. I did not know why. All I could do was say these random words, trying to explain what was going on in my mind, but I could not find the right words to make you understand. I was rambling and talking shit and you just shook your head and told me to stop talking. You took my hand and led me back into your room and you opened the window and I was confused yet again. And you told me to trust you. And I did. I trusted you. So I climbed out of that window with you. It felt like the right thing to do, do you ever feel like that? Like something that does not make any sense at all, feels like the best thing you could possibly do in that moment? And it may seem like the strangest thing ever but it would feel so right.

I am getting way off topic, I am sorry. So, you took me to sit on the flat roof of your garage with you and at first we just sat there. Not doing anything. Just sitting, looking around. The night was just starting to fall and the sky was the prettiest sky I had ever seen. I do not think it was the sky itself that I found so extremely gorgeous, I think it was because of you. 

We sat there for a while and it felt nice. I do not think I had ever felt so close to someone without touching them, so it was special to me. I decided to lie down and you quickly followed. Then you broke the silence.

"Do you want to listen to the mixtape?"

"Don't we have to go inside?"

"No, I have it on my phone."

And we listened to it. I had never heard any of the songs before, but I loved every single one of them and I remember wondering how you knew I would like these songs. We were there, listening to music you picked out for me with closed eyes and I felt so relaxed. And then the very last song came on and I knew it. It was my favorite song. I would recognize that song anywhere. I shot up and you asked me if I knew this song and I told you it had been my favorite song forever and you got this smile on your face and I swear to God, that smile could make flowers grow in the desert and you sat up and I felt the urge to kiss you and I knew in that moment that you felt the same way. So when you got closer to me, I was not surprised. And you kissed me. It was a slow and warm and amazing kiss. It was the kind of kiss that makes you want to run on top of the nearest hill and scream at the top of your lungs because you feel so warm inside and you want to share the warmth with the whole world and you would not even care about who heard you because you would be so damn happy.

That is how I felt, everytime you kissed me, over and over and over again. I miss that feeling. I miss you. Please, Luke, come back. I need you.

Yours truly,

Scarlett