✓ [18+] WHEN YOU SAY NOTHING AT ALL

XVIII. Since When Did I Become That Girl?

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XVIII. Since When Did I Become That Girl?

I'm patiently sitting on the bar stool next to the counter, staring at the clock on the wall. Since it's Saturday, we close midday at noon. It's 11:15 now which means I only have forty-five more minutes to go before I can close up. I shake my leg anxiously, ready to see a very sexy tattooed man that is starting to become my new obsession. I plan on going by Carter's afterwords to spend some time with him and maybe reenact what we did last night and this morning.

Yeah I know, we aren't in a relationship but I want to be around him constantly. The whole time I've been here, he's the only thing on my mind. He makes me feel grounded again honestly and I haven't had a drink since Thursday night. I think this is the longest I've gone in the last three months without a drink. Carter just keeps me too busy to think about the small things that would trigger a binge.

No longer able to stare at the clock, I grab one of the magazines off the counter and begin looking through it for the hundredth time. I don't know why my mom still gets these, I'm not seventeen anymore. I sit it aside after a few pages and grab the next one. It's one of the wedding magazines I got when I was planning my wedding with Bryan. I take in a deep breath and sit it aside without opening it. Just as I'm about to pick up another one, the bell on the entrance door jingles as it opens.

"Welcome to Maria's," I sing out using my best customer service voice even though I don't want to be here right now. There's a nice soft bed in a certain person's loft that's calling my name right now.

The person who came in walks up to the counter and begins tapping her fingernails on the glass. I look up from my magazine and smile at the raven haired woman standing before me. She looks upset as she glares at me with her dark brown eyes.

"Can I help you with something?" I ask as I sit up straight defensively. I don't care for her glaring at me or her demeanor as she annoyingly continues to tap her black painted stiletto fingernails.

"Actually you can! I need to speak with you, you little homewrecker!" she snaps at me and I'm caught off guard.

"Excuse me? What are you talking about?" I ask her confused, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I'm talking about you sleeping around with taken men!" she growls and stands up straight while crossing her arms over her chest, mirroring my form.

What the hell is she going on about? I haven't been sleeping around with any taken men. I haven't even had sex in three months. There's only one person who I've slept with—and that's when it hits me like a train, nearly knocking me off the stool.

"Carter? Are you talking about Carter?" I ask her with a small voice, slightly releasing my arms from my chest.

"Yes! Carter Allen! What makes you think it's okay to fuck some other woman's man!? We've been dating for two years now and just because he moved here doesn't mean he's single now!" she continues to glare at me and my heart is lumped in my throat right now.

"I'm, I'm so sorry. I-I didn't know. He never said anything about having a girlfriend," I can feel the tears forming in my eyes as I try to hold her gaze.

"Try fiancé bitch and of course he wouldn't say anything, that's just how he is. He likes to play mind games with easy whores like you. Now stay the fuck away from him!" she yells in my face before storming out of the shop, leaving me sitting here completely shocked and heartbroken.

No, no, no! This seriously can't be happening right now.

Why didn't Carter say anything? Why did he come onto me so much and kiss me if he had a fiancé? Why did he sleep with me, want to be in a relationship with me? Was it because he wanted me as the other woman? Is he really that kind of guy?

How could I have let this happen? I knew I should have listened to my head and not done anything with him. I should've known, there is no happily ever after for Heather Daniels. Now I'll not only be known as the girl who got dumped on her wedding day because she can't have children but also the woman who is a whore, fucking another woman's man.

I quickly get off the stool and look at the clock, there's still twenty-five more minutes but I don't care, we are closing even sooner today. I can't be here anymore after that encounter. I grab my bag from the office and head for the entrance door, locking it up quickly before heading straight for my car. There's only one place I need to go right now.

When I pull up in front of Phillip's Market, I cry out the last of my tears and wipe my face clean before I get out of the car and head inside. Grabbing the biggest bottle of Jack they have, I pay for it and head straight home. An empty bed and Dr. Phil reruns are calling my name yet again. Doesn't matter, I'm going to get so fucked up until I eventually pass out.

As I pull up into the empty driveway, thankfully no one is home. Either my mom is out with her friends or running errands. Bex, Nate, and the kids aren't home next door either. They're probably out doing things for family day. Thank God, because I don't want any company or distractions right now.

I kick off my shoes by the front door and make my way up the stairs. My phone goes off and I look at it. A text message from Carter pops up.

Want to come over and hang out? We could 'not' watch a movie ;)

I groan at my phone and can feel my eyes start to burn again from the oncoming fit of tears. Another text comes through from him.

Honestly I don't care what we do. I just miss you and want to spend time with you babe

My heart aches at his words. How could he send me this kind of stuff when his fiancé is probably sitting right there?

I can feel the sobs coming again as I deal with yet another broken heart. I turn my phone to airplane mode and sit it on my nightstand.

When I turn on the television, good ole' Phil pops up talking about a girl that was caught sleeping with her sister's husband. Of course things didn't work out with her sister's husband and now they're both trying to rekindle their relationship. However, the sister can't trust her. She's worried she'll do the same thing with her new boyfriend, creating a wedge in the family.

I can't help but laugh at the similarity between this episode and my life right now. It might not have been my sister's husband, but it was someone else's fiancé. Close enough right?

I twist the cap off the bottle and hold it up in front of me. I've done so good with not drinking the last two days and here I am. I should probably put the bottle down and deal with this another way, but with everything that's been going on lately, I don't think I can deal with this sober.

I put the bottle to my lips and feel the all too familiar burn of the whiskey down my throat. It takes my breath away but it's worth it, because I know in a couple hours I'll be too far gone to feel anything.

So much for my sobriety.