✓ [18+] WHEN YOU SAY NOTHING AT ALL

XXX. You Play With Fire, You Get Burned

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XXX. You Play With Fire, You Get Burned

HEATHER

Thank you so much, Heather, for coming in today. I believe this was a successful opening session. Next week we can go over your options with ways to deal with the anxiety. You're doing great so far and keep up the good work," Dr. Gabriel smiles warmly at me as she stands from her chair on the other side of the distressed oak coffee table between us.

I stand from the surprisingly comfy purple plush couch and greet her before heading out to the lobby to schedule my next appointment. My mom is sitting in one of the chairs reading a Vogue magazine when I walk out. She smiles warmly at me and stands up to put an arm around me.

"I'm so proud of you sweetie for doing this. This will be so good for you. Plus it'll give you a bit of input on how it'll be when you finally become a psychologist," she smiles at me and I roll my eyes. How many times do I have to explain the difference between a psychologist, psychiatrist, and a therapist?

"Mom, Dr. Gabriel is a therapist, there's a difference," she rolls her eyes at me and I know I'm confusing her. Most people all think they're the same thing but they're not. I wrap my arm around her and give her a small smile.

"I'll never understand that sweetie. Don't you talk to people?" she asks confused as she hits the button for the elevator.

"Yes Mama, I do, but my job is to come up with the diagnoses and work with both the psychiatrist and therapist to come up with the best treatment plan. Honestly it doesn't matter mama, thank you for bringing me," I smile at her and give her a kiss on the cheek.

"Anytime baby girl, we are all here for you. Did I tell you how proud of you I am?" she hugs me warmly and I have to remind her I'm still sore in some parts of my body.

It's been a week since my car accident and I'm still feeling sore in my ribs and my arm. Thankfully the bad headache I had for the first few days went away and now I'm just managing the pain in my wrist and bruised ribs. Carter has been incredible at taking care of me when I go to his place on his days off, which is the whole 48 hours. Not only has he taken care of me with my injuries but he's helped me with coping with all that happened. I nearly got killed by his ex-girlfriend for Christ sakes. Then my ex-fiancé tried to set me up as a belligerent drunk who was drinking and driving. Had this happened before Carter, I would've caved in by now. I don't want to say he's my crutch and without him I'd be lost, but he's helping tremendously.

The love making has been amazing too. He's been so gentle with me because of my injuries. Yes, I miss the roughness at times, but I love what he's been giving me lately. Maybe it's because he confessed his feelings to me and told me he loved me? Every second he made love to me, I could feel it in my soul, making my feels for him that much stronger. I so badly wanted to scream that I loved him but I couldn't bring myself to do it. All I could do was smile or kiss him when he'd confess to me. I know I sound awful and I'm in absolute denial but I want to be perfect for him before we move forward. I can't be another basket case he has to deal with.

When we get to the car, I begin to miss him, finding myself thinking about him constantly when he's working. I end up counting down the hours, the minutes, until he gets off work. I love that every time he comes to pick me up at home, he has this mesmerizing smile on his face like he's been doing the exact same thing.

Bex keeps suggesting to date him already so we can move forth in our relationship, that it's foolish to keep holding it off. When I told her why I hadn't yet she laughed, calling me crazy, like Carter would feel differently about me because I'm not healed yet. I guess she's right since he knows what's wrong and still wants me. I don't know, maybe I'm just doing this all for myself. I know a lot of it has to do with self-esteem and self-doubt. That's something I'm working on, with the support of Dr. Gabriel once a week. I'm in the process of talking to my mom on the car ride home when my phone starts ringing. It's Bex and I quickly answer.

"Hi best friend, what are you doing calling me? Aren't you busy with your classroom full of rugrats?" I joke but she doesn't laugh. I hear the faintest sob and I know she's crying.

"Bex what's wrong? Why are you crying? Did something happened to Nate, the kids?" my mom looks over at me with concern and begins to slow down so she can pull over on the side of the highway.

"Hev, it's Carter, there was an accident and he's been badly injured. Apparently there was an apartment building that was on fire and one of the beams fell on top of him while he was inside getting some people that were trapped. He got knocked out from the beam, causing him to get badly burnt and had to be rushed to Summerhill Hospital. Nate is there with him right now since he was already on the scene. I need Maria to watch the children so you and I can head over there. He doesn't have any family Hev, we are all he has," she sobs again and I can't stop the tears that are falling down my face.

No, no, no, this can't be happening right now. I can feel myself hyperventilating and my mom grabs my leg, giving it a gentle squeeze. She looks at me expectantly, wanting to know what's going on.

"Okay I'll meet you at the house, we are almost there," I finally answer and hang up. I explain to my mom what's going on and she begins to cry, not only for Carter but for me as well. She knows how I feel about him. Shit, everyone does. Even Carter himself knows but he'd never pressure me to admit it.

When we arrive, Bex is already there with bloodshot eyes from crying. My mom quickly hugs the both of us before we climb into Bex's SUV and make our way to the same hospital I was in a week ago. On the way to the hospital I keep thinking one thing; why the hell did I not tell him I loved him back? Then those thoughts become many as I end up overwhelming myself with what ifs and whys.

Why did I keep putting us off, refusing to let in the one man in this world, other than my brother, who loves me unconditionally and give him my heart like he did with me? What if he doesn't make it and lost my chance? Or if he does and by the time I tell him, he doesn't love me anymore? I know that last one isn't possible but it still crawls its way into my mind.

Tears slowly fall down my face as we get closer to the hospital. I know right now, I need to knock my shit off and quit being selfish. The whole time I've known Carter, he's selflessly loved me, cared for me, been there for me, and all I've done is made excuses, being stuck in denial and self-pity.

As soon as I see him when he's finally conscious, I'm going to tell him everything. Every intense feeling, unbearable doubt, and undying fear I have about us. Nevertheless, even though I have those troubles, we are going to move forward from this. It may have taken this event happening for me to finally wake up, but I'm ready.

I'm ready to have Carter be in my life as more than one of my best friends. I'm ready to have him in my life as my one true love and I'm never letting him go or taking him for granted ever again.