✓ [18+] WHEN YOU SAY NOTHING AT ALL

XXXVII. Sad Green Eyes Just Breaking My Heart Over Here

A/N: Poor Heather last chapter |_|
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XXXVII. Sad Green Eyes Just Breaking My Heart Over Here

CARTER

"Children, lets thanks Chief Wittmore and his wonderful men for coming in today to talk about fire safety and what to do in case of an emergency," Bex kindly asks her class of Kindergarteners.

"Thank you!" they all yell out, making me smile. I absolutely love children.

One little girl looks nervously up at me and I wink at her. She quickly smiles and nudges her friend to look at me. I begin to think about what my child would be like. More like, what mine and Heather's child would be like. She's the only one in this world I would ever want to have a child with.

"Alright kiddos, it's time for recess," Bex calls out as all the children jump up in excitement. When they've cleared out of the room to go outside to the playground, I walk over to Bex and give her a hug.

"Look at you Mr. Handsome Firefighter," she winks at me and walks over to her desk to sit down.

I sit on the edge of it and pick up the family picture she has of the four of them. I smile at it, ready to have that for myself. I start to think about Heather and how worried I am about her.

Lately, she's been acting different. My last time off, she wasn't acting her usual self and there was times where she was crying and didn't think I noticed. That night I woke up to her calming herself from an anxiety attack, I played it off as I didn't know. She didn't want to talk about it and I wasn't going to force her.

I can't help the feeling like I may be losing her. I don't know why though. We have been doing great the last few months. I am desperately in love with her and as time goes on, I've come to realize, I want her for the rest of my life.

"Bex, can I ask you something?"

"Sure Carter, what's up?" she looks up from her schedule, giving me her undivided attention. I take a deep breath, worried of what she might tell me.

"Do you know if anything is going on with Hev lately?" I finally ask and sit the picture back down on the desk.

"Maybe, why do you ask?" she looks at me suspiciously.

"I don't know. She's been acting different lately. Almost sad about something, like she's battling her demons again. I ask her what's wrong and she tells me it's nothing. I don't want to force her to tell me but I'm getting scared I'm losing her," I admit with a frown. I can't lose her, not after fighting so hard to earn her trust and make her mine.

"Carter, you're not losing her. She's just upset right now because she ran into an old friend of hers from high school," Bex makes air quotes while rolling her eyes.

"Once again she got it thrown in her face that she's running out of time. I told her she's not, to ignore that dumb bitch's remarks. But Heather feels with her whole heart at times and hasn't let it go," she explains and I'm confused. Who's the friend? What remarks?

"Out of time? What's that suppose to mean?" I laugh.

"You know the whole phrase about a woman's biological clock is ticking away? That if you aren't married or had a child by thirty you're considered an old maid?" I nod my head with a sour expression. I don't understand why women do that to themselves or each other. Who cares if you're not married and popping kids out right out of high school? What's the damn rush?

"Well to Heather, that's happening. It also doesn't help the issue with her fertility, which she has no control over. But people are still assholes none-the-less. Plus the shit Bryan had put into her head about being broken, not being good enough to marry, still lingers in her head. And that's something that'll take a while to heal," she frowns. I can understand that. Bryan royally fucked with her head the three months before we got together.

"I wish she would've talked to me about this. It's not too late and she's absolutely good enough to marry. Hell, I've wanted to marry her deep down since day one. And the whole thing with her fertility, just mean she'll have to keep trying. And if nothing comes of it, there's always adoption," I smile and as I talk, Bex beams up at me.

"You need to tell her this Carter. The both of you, need to learn to communicate better.. Don't be afraid to speak your minds with one another. You're a team and you'll work through whatever challenges come your way. You two love each other and you'll learn to compromise and come up with a plan with whatever hurdle comes your way," she puts a hand on mine and gently squeezes.

"You're right. I just need to come out and talk to her already. I wanted to talk about those things before we even moved in together but I honestly thought Bryan fucked up her perception of marriage and children. I didn't even know she still wanted to. I guess that would explain her excitement when we started having unprotected sex," I put my hand to my jaw and rub it.

"You guys have been trying to get pregnant?" she asks with eyes wide.

"Not really tried I guess, but just haven't worried about using a condom or pulling out. I want children and she's the only one I want to have them with. So when I decided to not use one, I knew she was my absolute future," I smile, coming to the realization of what I want and need to do next.

Bex makes a sad face and puts her hand over her face with a defeated sigh.

"This would explain a lot then. She went through this near the end of hers and Bryan's relationship when they were trying. How long have you not been using protection?" she looks up at me with concern.

"Since we started dating," I answer and then it hits me. She's had her period twice since then, which means she hasn't gotten pregnant and we should've by now. With as much sex as we have and how much I spill out every time, at least one of my little guys should've made the journey and impregnated her.

"Shit, she hasn't gotten pregnant yet," I mumble and run my hand through my hair. This explains everything.

"Yup and she's reliving the experience all over again of not being able to get pregnant. You need to talk to her Carter. She's probably thinking you'll pull a Bryan and break up with her if she can't give you a child," her eyes begin to water at the thought of her best friend struggling.

"I need to do more than talk to her Bex," I think to myself and I know exactly what I needs to be done. Heather is going to know exactly how I feel about her, about us, and what I want for our future.

Bex and I talk some more until Sanchez comes in to let me know we are heading back to the station. When I return and get closer to the end of my shift, I decide to make a stop somewhere before heading home.

I'm going to do what I wanted to do two months ago when I first realized I loved that girl and wanted her for the rest of my life. I'm going to make an honest woman out of Heather Daniels.

Now hopefully she won't pull a classic Heather and give me a hard time, playing hard to get like usual. I don't know if my fragile ego could handle another rejection from that green eyed beauty who ultimately owns me, heart and soul.