Thoughts

See ya

WARNING THIS IS A FRAGILE SUBJECT AND I DONT TALK MUCH ABOUT IT SO NO TALKING TO ME ABOUT IT. JUST LET ME WRITE. I NEED TO DO THIS.

I hate saying see you tomorrow or see you in the morning or see you soon. because it hurts. sometimes that doesn't come true. And i will tell you a story about that. A real story.....with real people. Me. And my loved one.

~FLASHBACK~

3 days before my 7th birthday. As a sweet 6 yr. old girl i was always happy to see my grandpa. He was the strongest loving man I've ever known. Mommy said that he was getting sick. She said he had cancer. I knew that was bad. I just thought it was a really bad cold. He was at the hospital. So we went in the elevator. We got to his floor. A nice lady showed us to his room. And there he was. The strongest man I've ever known, sickly pale and weak in a sad hospital room. I ran over to him. "Grandpa? Are you okay? You look sick." I said. "Yes sweetheart I'm just a little sick don't worry about me." He would say sitting up more and putting on a smile. Then we would talk like everything was ok and go about are conversations. Then it was time for me to go. I didn't want to. But grandpa assured me he was fine. "Don't worry morgy. I'm fine. I'll see you soon. I promise. I love you." He said. I said good bye and that i loved him. I forgot to hug him. I never forgot to hug him. Maybe i was thinking i'll do it the next time. But there was no next time. 3 days later was my birthday. Mommy wasn't there wen i woke up. Daddy seemed sad. Everyone seemed sad. BUT IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY!!! Why are they sad? This is a happy celebration. Right? Daddy said we're going to the hospital to pick up mommy. I hope i can see grandpa. We drive to the hospital and mommy gets in crying. I don't want her to be upset so i just stay quiet. We go back to the house. Mommy goes to bed and later i lay down with her. She tells me she wants to talk to me. "Morgen... sweety. Grandpa.....well he isnt here anymore..Hes at a better place." "Wat? no grandpa didn't leave me. He would never! He loves me!" I yelled at her. I started crying and mommy hugged me. "Morgen listen. Grandpa was really sick. I know he loved you. He loves us all. But he passed away. Hes in heaven now. Hes happy and hes not in anymore pain." "BUT HE PROMISED HE WOULD SEE ME SOON!! HE PROMISED ME GRANDPA BEVER BREAKS HIS PROMISES.....never" and i just break down. I still can't remember most of that day but i do remember one thing. pure pain. Its like something is so close to you and someone rips it away all of the sudden. Its like hell its self is burning your soul in a fire. Your being consumed by your worst fear and you are lost in it. All you feel is numbness. You realise everything you had is no more. and he lied. he didn't come back. You need him but he will NEVER come back. and it hurts. it hurts so bad. You never know wats going to happen so don't promise something you cant keep.