Thoughts

Pushing peole away

I know that I should let people in. I know that. But it's harder than you would think. It's hard to let people in when all you do is put up walls to protect yourself. To keep yourself from getting hurt. And it's hard not to push people away. Because you don't want to risk another heartbreak. Because all you have ever known is getting close to people and actually enjoying their company, and them getting up and leaving. And I know I should believe people when they tell me they love me. But its hard to let someone love you when you hate yourself so much. So I'm sorry if I am a monster for not wanting to get close to people who might tear down my walls and break my hope. Actually, I'm not sorry. I'm not going to apologise for my behaviour because no one ever apologised for making me this way. If you don't like me the way I am than just leave. Because the only thing I won't do for people to be happy, is change myself.