Thoughts

Scars, Cuts

If someone has scars, can they still be beautiful?

How many scars does it take to realise I'm not okay. I never was.....

87............that is how many times i remember cutting.......wow......to realise that i was weak that many times that i couldn't even hold my pain in anymore.....wow you are a fucking failure......and to think that if my mom didn't find out......there would be way more scars.

Do you even know how hard it is to break down and not cut? do you know how hard it is to miss slicing your skin? do you know how frustrating it is to have some people treat you different or act different to you because you cut? its so fucking hard. you scratch your scars wishing your nails were sharper. wishing you hadn't started in the first place. you actually miss having fresh cuts and feeling numb..... wishing so much u could slice your skin open to help you with the pain of a broken heart shattering you to pieces because nobody really knew how it felt to love him and then lose him. you need the blade. you need it soooo bad that the pain washes over you trying to consume you. but you cant have it. he left you and now you cry yourself to sleep every single night wishing for that blade....or him.....and you know the closer one.....the blade. but you try your hardest. you can resist the temptation for now..... but your growing weak and you need help.... you know you do.