I was hurriedly packing away my belongings and muttering under my breath to myself.
"Fuck Pennywise, the piece of fucking shit. Fuck this town. Fuck everything."
I glanced up and leapt out of my skin when I saw Pennywise smiling back at me from the mirror on the wall opposite.
I backed away and ended up crouched in the corner of the room, and Pennywise giggled.
"What do you say? Let's play a game!"
"What do you want from me?" I asked, my teeth chattering.
"If you're thinking of stopping me, you can't this time! You and your little buddies are too weak now you don't have Stan the man to complete your group."
"W-we were leaving, I swear, we were going to leave!"
"You'd better! I know a lot about you, Richie, you don't want your friends finding out now do you? Hmm?"
I shook my head and he giggled again, "I didn't think so! Just remember, I'm always watching you! And if you try and stop me... you'll all die!" He said the last bit in a light hearted voice that made my skin crawl, and then he was gone. I looked around the room and scrambled to my feet.
I had to get out of here.
I rushed through the door and straight into Eddie as he walked out of his room.
"Jesus fucking Christ! What are you doing?" He shouted as I steadied myself. He'd changed out of his dirty clothes but hadn't washed, so I could still smell it on him.
"Did you see him?" I asked frantically, "did you see Pennywise?"
"What? No? Did you?"
"I have to get out of here," I pushed past him and he began to follow me.
"Richie! Slow down, you can't go driving off, your car needs repairing!"
I got outside and almost to the car before Eddie caught my arm.
"Come on, stop for a minute!"
I spun round and pulled my arm away, "I can't! I need to get away from this fucking place!"
"What happened today?"
"He was there, he knows things, I need to go! I can't do this again!"
"I know it's fucked up, Rich, but you can't go off like this, you'll end up killing yourself!"
I got in the car and tried to lock myself in, but he was too quick and slipped into the passenger seat.
"Richie, please, just calm down."
I hid my face in my hands and sighed heavily, "I can't go through all this again, Eddie... I can't, I want to go home."
"I want to go home too, but we need to all chill the fuck out and not go racing off without thinking. C'mon, where's the Richie I know?"
"Maybe he never existed," I muttered and he frowned.
"What do you mean by that?"
"Nothing."
He spoke softer, " No, come on... speak to me. We're friends, remember? I want to know."
"I can't say," I muttered, although I desperately wanted to.
"If it's really bothering you that much then you have to talk about it... isn't there anyone that you can talk about it with?"
"Nope."
"No one at all?"
"That's what no means."
He was quiet for a moment, "Richie, whatever you're going through, I want to be here for you. I know we've lost touch but I still feel like you're my best friend. And after everything we've all been through, don't you think we can talk about pretty much anything?"
"Not this."
"Whatever you say won't leave this car, okay? I want to help-"
"I'm gay, okay?" I blurted out, feeling like the more he tried to convince me, the easier it became to talk about it.
His mouth shut and he stared at me in disbelief. I sighed again, "I'm gay."
"But... I thought... I mean, all the jokes-"
"They're just fucking jokes! They don't mean anything, do they!"
"You don't have to get defensive, it's okay-"
"Its not okay! I've lived with this since I was a kid, I've had to pretend every day of my life that I'm someone I'm not... so what does that make me?"
"A human being," Eddie was looking serious, "just because you're scared of who you are doesn't mean the decisions you've made up to this point don't matter."
"No one really knows who I am. You don't really know who I am."
"You're my friend. You're the same friend that I've had since school. Nothing's changed, Richie, you're not a different person."
"Why do I feel like I am then."
"You shouldn't.
I leaned forward and put my forehead against the steering wheel, "I'm sorry I dropped all of this on you," I closed my eyes and wished that Mike had never called.
Eddie put his hand on my back, "That's what friends are for. I wish we'd stayed in contact, I'm sorry I haven't been there for you."
"I probably wouldn't have told you even if we'd stayed in contact. It's not really something you can slip into conversation... 'hey, how's it going, how's the parents? By the way, I like cock! Have since school! Just thought you should know, buddy!' Huh..."
Eddie laughed, "only you could make it so colourful."
"So... you don't think differently of me?"
Eddie scoffed, "of course not, you're the same Richie. Now let's go back inside and cool off, okay?"
I nodded quickly, "Yeah okay... thanks, Eds."
"I wish you wouldn't call me that."
"You've been saying that since we were kids and I'm still calling you it, do you think I'm gonna stop now?"
He laughed a little, "come on let's go back."
I followed him out of the car and back to the inn.
