Back at the hotel I left my belongings in the car and walked inside with Bev's arm linked with my own.
Mike opened the door for us and smiled. I suddenly realised that the pressure was on me to tell all of my friends what I'd been hiding from them for years. I looked at Bev for reassurance and she gave my arm a squeeze.
Ben and Bill were standing in the lounge as Mike walked through with Bev and I, and I spotted Eddie loitering in the corner of the room too. He didn't look at me as I came in.
"What's going on, Rich?" Bill asked as Bev and I sat on the couch. Mike and Ben sat down too but Eddie remained where he was.
"There's something I think you guys should know... something that I feel like a complete douche bag for not telling you when we were kids but... you know, I was just a kid. I didn't know any better. It's something that I've been ashamed of and scared to talk about but now... I mean here in Derry it feels... it feels safe here with you guys..." I looked around at them all and felt my heart pound as my eyes met with each of theirs. They were all so focused on me I almost felt claustrophobic.
"So pretty much since I knew you guys I felt different and... I covered it up and pretended that it wasn't real-"
"You're stalling," Bev said gently under her breath and I nodded.
"Right, sorry... I guess there's not a right way to say it... I'm gay."
I could see the surprise very clearly in their faces but soon Ben was grinning.
"I fucking knew it!" He laughed and Bill smirked too.
"Ah shit, does that mean we've gotta watch out for your perverted jokes being aimed at us now?"
Mike got up from the couch and extended his hand to help me up. I took it and stood in front of him where he pulled me into a hug.
"I'm proud of you, Richie. There will always be a place for you here in Derry, you know that right?"
I pulled away and nodded, "Thanks Mike..."
Bill stepped up to hug me too but hesitated, "now if I feel anything poking into my hip we're gonna have words," he teased and I laughed, hugging him tightly.
"I'm not making any promises."
Ben clapped me on the back as Bill let me go and smiled broadly, "nothing's changed, you're still a loser."
It was like a weight had been lifted and I looked round at my friends. For the first time I was exposed and not pretending to be someone I wasn't... and they were all still here, smiling and joking, acting no different than before I told them.
"Thanks guys," I put my hands in my pockets, "You really are my best friends."
Eddie wandered over and smiled timidly, "hey, I'm proud of you for telling them... I was worried you'd leave and I wasn't going to get a chance to say goodbye."
"You should be so lucky," I half smiled, "now what?"
He shrugged, "I guess we all go home."
I nodded once, "I guess so..." then added under my breath, "unless you come with me?"
The others were laughing amongst each other and I took Eddie aside.
"What do you mean? I can't just leave with you," Eddie said in a hushed tone.
"Well... why not?"
"Like you said earlier; what about my house? And my job? And my wife?"
"I'm sure if you took her back to the ocean she'd be happy to go."
He shot me a look and I hid a smirk, "come on, Richie... I can't just pack up and leave... I mean, we don't even know where this is going to go."
"It doesn't have to go anywhere... all I know is that I want to be near you... whether that's as friends or more, I just can't leave here and leave you behind again."
He sighed, "I know what you're trying to say but... it's just not that simple."
"I know it's not... anyway, you were the one that suggested staying in Derry."
"Yeah, but... that's because this place feels disconnected from the world. I feel like we could all live completely different lives here."
"We could live different lives back home..."
"That's a big step..."
"Well, why don't we just stay here for a few more days and think about it? Pennywise is gone, we don't have to be scared anymore. We can actually enjoy being here like we should have when we were kids. We could go out and sight-see."
"Sight-see?" He blinked, "What the fuck is there to see?"
"I don't know, man... come on, I'm trying to make an effort... Don't make me feel like a dick."
"You don't need me for that," he sighed, "I know I wanted you to come clean and accept all of this but... Don't you think this is all a bit fast? I mean we kissed twice and now you're basically asking me to move in with you?"
I felt my face heat up in embarrassment, "I'm not asking you to move in with me, not in the way you're thinking anyway... I just miss hanging out. Wouldn't it be great if we could see each other every day? Like we used to?"
"Yeah, I would love that but... there are other things to think about too."
"Come on, Eds... when your mum took you away from Derry I didn't come out of my room for a month. I didn't eat, couldn't sleep and I barely spoke to Ben and Mike even though they stayed in Derry until I moved like everyone else. That was how much I missed you... and I didn't even remember that a few years after I moved away. I don't want to risk that happening again, if that means that I have to keep you in my sights for the rest of my life then so be it."
"Lucky me..." he teased but his face was serious, "Rich... I really want to go with you but... I don't even know how I would leave my life behind."
"Just stay with me here for a few more days... maybe we could get the others to stay too if you're worried they'll get suspicious."
"I'm not worried," he smirked, "I'm more concerned about the phone call I'm about to have with the Mrs..."
"Tell her to go fuck herself."
He laughed hollowly, "oh I'm pretty sure she's cheating on me anyway so she won't have to do that."
I frowned, "how do you know that?"
He half shrugged, "I'm just kidding, I don't really know that. I'm just paranoid. I'll be back in a moment," he wandered off, pulling his phone out of his pocket and dialing his wife's number.
Bev walked up to me and I smiled at her, "thank you for helping me."
"Thank you for listening to me, too. I feel better after talking about my dad."
"No problem. That's what friends are for."
She grinned and put her arms around my neck, and I hugged her back, "where will you go?"
She shrugged, "I'm not sure yet."
"Me and Eddie are thinking of staying in Derry a little longer... you could stay too?"
"You and Eddie, huh?" She looked amused and I shook my head.
"Its not like that-"
"I didn't say anything," she smirked, "yeah maybe I'll stay for a little longer. It's not like I have a home to go back to..." she shrugged, "Well as we're not going anywhere... want a drink?"
I checked my watch, "it's only 9am."
"Pussy," she stuck her tongue out of the side of her mouth and I laughed.
"Alcoholic," I retorted and she laughed. I was pleased that Bev was staying too; I felt comfortable with her more than the others (except for Eddie of course) and had no doubt that we'd all have a laugh together.
I wandered back over to the others to say farewell to the ones we couldn't convince to stay longer.
