"Holy shit! Rich! Hey rich wake up! I think I got it, man! I think I killed it, I did it! I think I killed it for real!"
I looked up at Eddie, dazed and drowsy, just as one of the creatures legs shot through his back and out through his chest. Blood splattered onto my face and chest as Eddie's face contorted.
"Richie..." he spluttered and blood dribbled from his mouth. I couldn't move, just stared at Eddie is shock. I could barely breathe as he was hoisted away and up into the air, and then thrown across the room.
"Eddie!" I shouted, feeling like my whole world was crashing down around me.
I ran with the others to a cave where he had fallen and we helped him up. He was bleeding so much and I put my shaking hands up to his face.
The others were telling me that I had to leave but I shook my head.
"He's hurt real bad... We need to get him out of here..."
"Richie... he's dead," Bev said with tears rolling down her cheeks, and I shook my head. They began to try and pull me away but I gripped onto Eddie, hugging him close to me and not wanting to ever let go.
I was dragged out by my friends kicking and screaming while we left Eddie behind, and when we got outside the house they held me back as the building collapsed.
I woke up sweating and Eddie was looking at me with a deep frown on his face, "Rich, wake up, you're dreaming, Richie!"
I sat up and looked frantically around the room, "Eddie? W-what... but.... y-you died, you-"
"You're shaking, Richie, what's the matter?"
"I saw you die, I saw... Pennywise killed you... you would have died, Eddie, you were supposed to die!"
"It wasn't real, okay? You were dreaming," he tried but I shook my head.
"I looked into the deadlights just like Bev, I saw you die, Eddie! I felt you die-"
"It's okay, Richie, calm down-"
The stress, fear and sadness of the last few days caught up with me and I choked back a sob. "Fuck this place," and he hugged me tightly.
"We're okay, we killed it, I'm not dead and you were dreaming. Calm down.".
"But you almost died and it was my fault-"
He took my face in his hands, "it was not your fault, Richie. Even if I had died or been hurt worse than I was, it was not your fault. You saved my life, I'm here because of you."
I closed my eyes and took a shaky breath, "I saw it so clearly..."
"And it wasn't real," he leaned his head against mine and I began to feel calmer.
I sighed heavily, "sorry, Eds... I just don't think I could bear losing you again..."
"I know," he gently kissed my forehead and I opened my eyes to stare at him when he lowered his head again.
"Eddie... I need you to know... in case we go home tomorrow... in case we forget about each other..."
"I know," he held my gaze for a moment before inching forward a little. I held my breath and sat completely still. Part of me wanted to push him away or move back, I was so used to avoiding any kind of situation like this with a man, but I didn't want to.
When he was sure I wasn't going to move he closed the gap and I flinched as his lips touched mine.
It was strange to have a man voluntarily kiss me and, although I wanted to do it, my gut reaction was to be disgusted. I'd spent so long convincing myself that this was wrong that I'd almost made myself believe it.
I didn't want to stop but I had to think about what was happening. I pulled away and shuffled back a little on the couch.
"Okay, what's going on?"
Eddie looked guilty and blinked a few times, "I don't know, I'm sorry... I shouldn't have done that."
"Did you only do that because you felt sorry for me? Like a pitty kiss? Was that what that was?"
"No, Richie, it wasn't... I-"
"Because if you just feel sorry for me and that's all I am to you, just someone to feel bad for, then don't," I rambled on, nerves getting the better of me. "I've spent a long time on my own and dealing with this alone, if you're just going to pretend because you think it will make me happy or something then-"
He leaned forward and kissed me again and I took a sharp breath inwards. When he pulled away a second time I exhaled.
"Don't do this if you're just trying to make me feel better, that's not fair and so not fucking necessary-"
He cut me off by clamping a hand over my mouth.
"Do you ever shut the fuck up?" He let his hand leave my lips and sighed, his eyes darting downwards in embarrassment, "I'm not trying to make you feel better."
"Thanks," I said flatly and he shot me a look of unamusement.
"Its just that I never felt as close to anyone else in the group as I did to you. And now we're back here and everything you've told me... some of the things you've said have kinda shed some light on how I used to feel... I mean it's not the same, but I feel like a lot of the things you experienced, I experienced too. I just wanted you to know that I am serious and... and I'm not just going to go swanning off back home and forget all about this. I have some things I need to figure out but I'm not happy where I am either. You made me realise that."
"I'm sorry if I've made anything complicated... I should have kept things to myself."
His eyebrows knitted together and he put a palm against my cheek, "No you shouldn't have. You should never keep things like that to yourself, Rich. It'll end up eating away at you... well, more than it already has. And I want to be there for you... I don't want you thinking that you have to be alone anymore. I do understand you. And I understand what it's like to feel out of place... We were both losers after all."
"We still are losers..." I corrected him and he smiled, letting his hand slip from my face to rest on my arm.
"Yeah. I wouldn't have it any other way."
"So..." I looked down at his hands and took them in mine, "What does this mean? Where do we go from here? I mean... do you even like guys?"
"You class yourself as a guy?" He teased and I chuckled under my breath, "I guess I do. Maybe I don't have the kind of clarity you have but... when I think of letting you go off on your way... especially when you're feeling like this..." he was quiet for a moment and his face grew serious, "I don't think I can do that. I don't ever want you to have to feel like you don't have anyone to talk to. And I definitely don't want you to drown it all away with that shit," he gestured to the bottle of whiskey.
"I want to show you something," I said suddenly and he half smiled.
"Kinda forward, but I'm into it."
I laughed at that and shook my head, "another time maybe... no, I'm talking about something else. You okay to walk?"
"Is it far away?"
"Not too far, no."
We put on our jackets and went out into the cool morning air. It was nearly 4am and the sun would be rising soon, but it was still dark enough for us to walk around unnoticed by any passers by. My fingers found Eddie's as we walked and we linked hands, neither of us mentioned it or even acknowledged that it had happened, but that was fine. I was just content to be with him away from the judging eyes of bystanders. I lead him down the road and straight for the bridge where I'd crashed my car a few days earlier.
