Fictober 2019

"Listen. No, really listen." - Supercorp

Summary: Lena gives Kara a pep talk when her world is falling apart and Supergirl is cracking under the pressure of keeping it together.

* * *

'Nice work saving those people, Supergirl,' Alex Danvers congratulated the hero who had just entered the main room. 

'Tell that to the two people I left in that burning building,' Supergirl replied coldly.

The DEO director exchanged worried glances with Lena Luthor before redirecting her attention to the Kryptonian with a questioning expression. 'We did the math, Supergirl. It was impossible to save them all, and you tried your best,' she reminded.

'I can fly and shoot laser beams from my eyes, impossible shouldn't even be an option,' the Super retorted. 'And if there are casualties, then my best clearly isn't enough. Besides, the alien got away, so that was hardly a successful mission.'

'I can think of 60 people who would disagree with you, Kara,' the redhead pointed out. 

'And I can think of 60,000 people who would agree with me after all the damage the alien will have caused because I failed to catch him,' the blonde disputed. 'I'm going to get some rest in the med-bay. If that, or any, alien shows up, call me,' she requested before leaving the area.

'I've got this,' Lena nodded at the oldest Danvers sibling before chasing after the superhero.

*

'Okay, what's going on?' Lena Luthor asked her girlfriend with crossed arms.

'Just that I suck,' the blonde answered moodily from the sun-bed, her eyes staring at the ceiling. 

The Luthor sighed softly before taking a seat at the edge of the bed. 'Is this about the mission you just came back from?' 

The superhero sat up quickly to face the other woman, 'what else?'

'You tell me. What's on your mind?' The CEO questioned gently. 'Talk to me, Kara,' she added when she noticed the hero hesitate. 

'I keep seeing their faces, of the couple I left behind,' Kara confessed. 'They trusted me, Lena. It was like I was their Deity and they were okay with whatever happened to them because they trusted I would make the right decision in the end,' the words came tumbling out of her mouth. 

'How does that make you feel?' The businesswoman studied the other woman carefully. 

'Like crap?' The Kryptonian answered uncertainly before thinking it over. 'I feel honoured to be in a position where so many people look up to me,' she started honestly. 'But I feel like a lot of them forget that I'm not perfect, I mess up and I make mistakes too. I know it's hard to imagine that I'm like them when I can fly and have super strength, but the pressure of having to be perfect and save everyone and catch every bad guy in the city is overwhelming. I second-guess my every move and I go through all the possible strategies to make sure we picked the plan with the least chance of failure. I don't know, maybe it's my fault for letting other people's opinions get to me,' she said pensively. 

'It's not,' the green eyed woman promised. 'It's hard to ignore the whispers and judgements when the whole world's got an opinion on you.'

'It's just-,' blue eyes gazed around the room as the reporter tried to find the right words to say. 'I'm not worried about these feelings, everybody experiences self-doubt and it helps me grow into a better friend, sister, and hero. I'm more afraid of what will happen if I let these thoughts control my behaviour. What if I freeze in the middle of a rescue mission? What if I rush into a fight without being prepared? A single misstep could cost lives, including mine.' The Super sighed tiredly, 'I'm stumped. Add to that that our new boss at CatCo is making us write gossip instead of actual, relevant news, I guess I've been feeling like I'm underperforming in my professional life.' 

Lena smiled softly at the small victory of having reached the root of the problem. She patted to the spot next to her. 'Come here. Listen. No, really listen,' she said when the superhero looked down expectantly. 

Kara stared at her intently. 'You're going to say you believe in me and to put my feelings in boxes so I can function more productively,' she predicted. 

'No,' the Luthor disagreed wholeheartedly, before correcting herself, 'well, yes, I do believe in you, but that wasn't what I was going to say.' She grabbed her lover's hands before continuing, 'look, Kara. You're right. A lot of people forget that you're a person as well and they may have high expectations, but that's on them. You owe them nothing, especially not if it's harming your mental health. You will have your good and your bad days, and that's absolutely okay. Your feelings are valid and I want you to face them head-on, even when they scare you because running from them won't get you anywhere.'

'Isn't that the exact opposite of what you usually do?' The alien noted curiously. 

The CEO chuckled at the observation, 'do as I say, not as I do, remember? My point is, it's alright to feel like absolute crap sometimes, you don't always have to be happy and hopeful. Just don't forget that you are saving lives and making the world a better place, even when the lives you couldn't save seem to weigh down more heavily. Even when you're a complete mess, you will always have your family and friends in your corner, and listen, I know working at CatCo means a lot to you, so I will talk to Andrea about this new direction she wants to take the company in. But remember, even if I can't change her mind, this doesn't mean you're out of options. Why did you become a reporter?' 

'To inspire people to dig for the truth, no matter how hard it may seem,' Kara answered self-assuredly .

'Exactly. One woman cannot stop the power of the truth, especially when an ace reporter like Kara Danvers is at the helm,' Lena spoke inspiringly. 

The superhero smiled genuinely at her girlfriend for the first time that day. 'Thank you.'

'You can be honest with me, Kara. I won't run at the first sign of danger,' the Luthor promised. 'Most importantly though, I want you to be honest with yourself. You always listen to our rants and problems, and you're always on the lookout for anyone who needs saving,' she smiled softly at her lover's selflessness. 'Hear yourself out and take care of yourself every once in a while, my love. You deserve it.'