Spotlight on Nobody

- 15 -

~ song: Angela by The Lumineers ~

Ella and Grace used to be obsessed with the show "90 Day Fiancé." Most nights, when I would get back from class, I'd find them sprawled across the couch, gorging on dark chocolate and Cheerios, entranced by the latest pairing. It was always ridiculous to me – to know you are in love with someone, that you can spend the rest of your life with them, in such a short span of time? Impossible.

But now, only a week and a half after meeting Leo Griffiths for the first time, I can understand. Not that I'm in love with him, but he's all I think about. I like him so much it feels like someone is digging into my heart with a spoon every second of everyday because I am not with him.

My friends have noticed the change in me. Ella and Grace like to bring him up every chance they get, just to see my face light up. When his songs inevitably come up on our Spotify shuffle, they blast it through the apartment, pretending to be him singing to me. I laugh and smile, and, in the moment, I feel great, but in my room later I feel lonely.

Parker still doesn't know about my relationship – can it even be called that? – with Leo. He spends all of his free time with us, well, with me, and it's getting hard to ignore his not-so-subtle flirting. He's one of my best friends, which makes it difficult to know where to draw the line between friendship and flirting. I hate that he's making me overthink every action and every word. Why can't I just go back to when I wasn't aware of his feelings at all?

Right now, I'm sitting in a recording studio in the basement of a campus building with Ross and Parker. They're doing a group project for class and they needed a voice to sing on what they call an indie-pop track. So here I am, on a Wednesday night at 10:30 pm, singing about missing a boy and trying not to cry at how accurately the lyrics describe my current predicament.

Ross plays back the last chorus and I riff over it, adding what he likes to call "texture" to the track. My voice cracks as I reach for a higher harmony, but Ross gives me a thumbs up, impressed by how emotion-filled my voice is. If only he knew.

"Great job Nell," I hear Ross' voice in my headset. "Maybe I should send the finished track to your lover boy Leo Griffiths?" My eyes almost pop out of their sockets. How the hell did they figure out that I've been spending time with Leo?

"Relax, we know you like to fly under the radar. I'd be surprised if he'd even remember us," Ross continues, laughing, and I relax when I realize it was just a joke. Parker seems to have taken it seriously as well – I can practically see the steam roll off of him through the glass. Yikes.

"This better only be shared with your professor," I threaten. "I only do this because I love you guys and you're my best friends." Emphasis on the friends, Parker.

Parker and I walk back to our apartment building together, comparing our most recently saved songs to Spotify. Luckily, unless forced to by my roommates, I've avoided Leo's music like the plague because it makes me sad to listen to, so my most recently saved music is the entire Cleopatraalbum by The Lumineers.

Parker laughs out loud. "The Lumineers? Really Nell?"

"What's so wrong with that? It makes me happy to listen to them. Why does it matter what music I like? Isn't liking music supposed to be an objective anyways? Otherwise, everyone would listen to the same type of music for the rest of eternity." I hate it when people make fun other people's music taste. Why the hell does it matter?

He puts his hands up defensively. "My bad, my bad. At least you're not listening to some shitty pop artist, like Leo Griffiths." I groan and smack him, and he laughs lightheartedly. I know he's joking, but I'm getting tired of all of his jabs at Leo. It's going to make telling Parker about Leo and I that much harder. Leo and I. We aren't even dating! For all I know, I'm just a silly fling to him. I shake my head, trying in vain to get him out of it.

Suddenly, Parker jabs two fingers on either side of my waist and I scream and lunge at him, chasing him all the way down the hall of my apartment building. Deftly, he grabs me as I try to tickle him and lifts me up like a puppet as I laugh and yell at him to put me down. Still dangling from his arms, I reach forward and open my front door, finally kicking free of him and landing on my butt in the floor of my living room.

Parker is quiet and I look up and gasp. Leo Griffiths is sitting on my couch.