Spotlight on Nobody

- 24 -

~ Consideration by Rihanna ft. SZA ~

I. Can. Do. This. I take another wobbly step. And another. See? Not bad. I take another step and crumple to the ground, giggling with Alice.

"Maybe I should just wear my sneakers," I suggest, staring down at the death traps strapped to my feet.

"While sneakers are a statement, you're wearing heels for your first red carpet – it's a rite of passage," Alice says firmly, hoisting me back up. "Ready?" she asks, her hand poised over the play button on the speaker.

I nod and Alice blasts Rihanna's Consideration from the surround sound system. Staring at myself in the full-length mirror looming in front of me, I try to remember what Alice told me. Shoulders back, pelvic slightly forward, chin down, eyes straight ahead, one foot directly in front of the other. I manage to swagger all the way across the room to the anthem, meeting my reflection at the mirror. If it wasn't for the tank top and gym shorts, I would dare to say I almost looked sexy walking like that.

"Woohoo yes!!!" shouts Alice. "The red carpet won't know what to do with all that sass!"

We've been hard at work for the past two hours. First, Alice taught me how to pose for a camera – she even brought a camera from home – and helped me find "my angle." While my new posing skills didn't make me look 20 pounds lighter (I wish right?), at least I looked like I knew what I was doing. I'm already going to stick out like a sore thumb amongst Hollywood's most beautiful; I'm thankful for all the help I can get.

"So," Alice says, pouring two more glasses of champagne. Oh, did I mention we are slightly tipsy? "Are you and Leo sharing a bed tonight?"

I choke on my drink and my stomach twists into a knot, from excitement or dread I can't tell.

"I'll take that as a no?" she says with a raised eyebrow, obviously surprised that we haven't slept together yet, but not making a big deal out of it, thankfully.

"I, uh... I'm not sure. I haven't really thought about it," I eventually manage to say. "Not that I haven't thought, uh, about, you know... sleeping with Leo." My cheeks are on fire. "It's just that up until now, we've only kissed a few times. Sometimes it seems like we are just friends. If he didn't kiss me now and again, I would still be under that impression."

"That fucking idiot," mutters Alice.

"No, really, it's fine. Honestly, it's probably for the best. Would long distance even work?" I say nonchalantly, but I don't mean that; I know it could work, it has to be able to work.

As if reading my mind, Alice replies: "You don't mean that."

"I know," I say quietly, sitting down to slip off my heels. "But I have to keep finding ways to remind myself that there's no way this can be real, that this sort of thing doesn't just happen."

"What sort of thing? Dating America's most beloved boy?"

"No. Well, I mean yes, that too. But that this... I mean that..." I trail off, a lump forming in my throat.

"That finding someone so perfect for you feels too good to be true," Alice finishes for me.

I nod, the lump in my throat preventing me from speaking. God, why am I suddenly so emotional all the time?

"Listen, if there's one thing I've learned from this insane life it's this: we are only twenty-fucking-years-old. Why be scared when we experience new things, new sensations, new feelings? So many things should feel new to us – it's a reminder that we are young, that we have so much life left to live, so much left to give to this world, so many people left to love." She places a hand on my leg and gives me a squeeze. "Please Nell, please don't be scared. Please don't distance yourself because you're afraid to feel something new. All experiences are good experiences because you grow from them. Let yourself grow Nell. And have fun while doing it," she finishes with a smile and a clink of our glasses.