Spotlight on Nobody

- 35 -

~ song: Never Had The Balls by Rex Orange County ~

I'm met by a pair of honey-hued eyes when Parker opens the door. Before I can even say "hello" I'm engulfed by his large, muscular frame, pulling me in for a suffocating hug.

"I'm so sorry Nell," he says as he squeezes me tight. "I'm the worst friend in the world." At least, that's what I think he says, but he's holding me so tight my vision is starting to go black and I can't get a breath of air.

"Parker," I choke out. "Can't. Breathe."

A chuckle rumbles in his chest and he releases me but doesn't let go completely.

"I'm so, so sorry Nell," he repeats, and one look at his face shows me he's being entirely genuine. This time it's me who hugs him, the sad look on his face too devastating to see.

"It's okay Parker," I say. "I'm not mad at you. You're still my best friend," I assure him. "But... you'd be an even better friend if you had a bottle of BeeSweet Lemonade in your fridge for me," I say with a wink as I follow him inside.

"So, how do Kim K's boobs look in person?" He asks as we settle on his couch, and I almost spit out my mouthful of lemonade from laughter.

"We haven't spoken in nearly a month, and that's what you want to talk about? Kim K's plastic surgery?" I ask through my laughter.

"Ice breaker," he shrugs with a sly smile. "Met Gala, huh? That must have been insane."

I nod. "Definitely not something I expected to do in my lifetime, let alone this year."

"You looked hot," Parker affirms. "In an entirely platonic way," he finishes quickly. I shake my head with a smile. It's not like I expected him to get over his feelings for me within the past month. What matters is that he's prioritizing our friendship over the feelings he has for me, and I can tell he's making a real effort.

"Anyone can look hot in a designer dress made for them," I admit. "But it was really crazy to see how the other half lives. I mean, those people are rich rich."

"I bet the afterparties were even crazier," Parker says. I freeze up, remembering my first – and only – run in with Ingrid Orchid, how she made it seem like that was only round one. I have to consciously remember to take a deep breath, but Parker can tell my mood has shifted.

"Listen, Nell, I just wanted to say... about Ingrid and all..."

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that Ella and Grace brought Parker up to speed about Ingrid – or should I call her Ruby – but I really don't want to dwell on it.

I cut him off. "What's past is past. I'm over it, really," I say, trying to convince myself as much as I try to convince Parker.

He shifts uncomfortably on the couch, not meeting my eyes. "Are you sure? I'm really sorry..."

"Seriously Parker, it's cool. Let's just talk about something else."

He seems like he doesn't want to drop the subject, but I give him one of my looks and he relents, and gives a small nod.

"So, where's Ross?" I ask, looking around. Parker and Ross share a small, two-bedroom apartment on the same block that I live, and they're together almost has much as Ella, Grace and I are.

"Hanging out with Lucas, I think."

I smile wide. "Are they officially dating?"

Ross has had a crush on Lucas since freshman year when they had a random English elective together. He used to come to our dorm room before class with handfuls of clothes so we could help him pick the perfect outfit. During the last week of class, the professor put them in pairs to edit each other's final papers, and the two ended up together. They didn't speak the whole time, but when Ross got back to his place and flipped through Lucas' edits, his number was scrawled in red ink on the last page. That was over a year ago. They've been flirting and randomly hooking up ever since, but never made it official.

"Yeah, about two weeks ago," Parker responds with a smile.

"Damn I miss everything!"

"Well, you've been a bit busy, you know, getting famous and everything," he points out. I sigh.

"At least the press has gotten friendlier since the Met," I say. "I think I embarrassed them enough with my dress to prevent them from openly saying mean things about me again. And now people come up to me all the time, asking for pictures or secrets about Leo...." I trail off, realizing Parker probably doesn't want to talk much about Leo at the moment.

He surprises me by saying "I can't imagine trying to navigate a relationship in the public eye. It would give me an anxiety attack. You're stronger than I am."

I shake my head and laugh. "It does give me anxiety, all the time. It's an added pressure we really, really don't need, but there's nothing I can do about it," I concede. "In fact, maybe I'll start using all this press in my favor, I just don't know how yet."

"That's my girl." Parker smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes.

I'm glad I took Ella's advice and came; I didn't realize how much I missed Parker. And yet, I can still feel this invisible wall between us, so thin but definitely there, preventing us from going back to the way things were. I'm ready to go back to the old Nell and Parker, but it seems like Parker isn't yet. Maybe our friendship experienced a permanent shift that we can't bounce back from.

Looking at Parker now, I hope that isn't true. Even though I rejected his romantic advances, I still love him. I just hope he can love me as a friend without losing his heart in the process.