Take Me Back To Paddington (SERIES)

Chapter 17 - The Talk

"Lisa, it's not your fault" Jennifer said, placing Chae's notebook back on the kitchen counter after I showed her what I found. "You wouldn't know, nobody would"

Wiping my tears off, I looked at the food I couldn't even swallow.

"I should have known" I replied. "She was just there, Jen" I sniffled. "Chae was next to me on the bed, talking her beautiful mind out"

"I don't know much about depression," She stirred her morning coffee, standing in front of the kitchen island I was sitting at. "But it hides itself really good, it kills" She continued. "It grows inside you until you mistaken it as part of you, and it takes over"

I breathed out, placing both of my elbows on the flat surface to cover my face as I felt the urge to burst out crying again.

"It's Chae-" A sob managed to escape, pressing my eyes shut. "I can't believe it, Jen"

"Nobody does, Lisa. We all know her, don't we?"

"I want to, Jen. I really want to believe that she jumped" I removed my hands, caring less about my best friend who was looking at my miserable self to start her morning with. "I want to believe that I didn't know Chae and she hid her depression-" I paused as I placed my hand on my chest. "But I just can't"

Jennifer walked closer, putting her coffee mug next to my plate.

"Why, Lisa?"

"B-because I do know her" I answered as it was getting harder to breathe. "She had issues too but she was always positive, it was very hard to pressure her into something actually"

"Lisa, that was what she showed to you" Jennifer held my wrist softly. "You only spent time with her on weekends, it was impossible for you to see how she actually was without living together"

I connected my eyes with hers when I realised that Jennifer had a point. Chae could have been happy only when she had me with her and wasn't happy in general. She could have found happiness in me too just like I found mine in her.

Thinking about my discussion with Jennifer at the moment, I could have been Chae's pit stop; a place for her to forget her emotional struggle she had in her that no one knew about. I could have been someone for her to talk to, to share thoughts with especially about those things that skeptics like me would call as nonsense.

Until she decided that she didn't need me anymore.

Until she thought the happiness I had been giving her could no longer be the help she needed.

Until she determined that our pillow talks at night didn't make her feel better just like they did to me.

Until she made a decision to end everything; her life, our relationship, my life.

Those were the things I expected to trust when I woke up from sleep this morning, thinking that I could just sleep it off and accept everything that had happened to my girlfriend. If only it worked as easy as that.

It wasn't.

Just like when I woke up a year ago and still liking her after finding out about her being the church girl.

It was just the same for now.

I woke up this morning and still believing in my Chae Richards; she didn't take her own life.

Clearing my throat, I let out my voice again.

"You have to go already?" I asked.

"Yeah, I have a meeting at 10"

"I'm sorry you have to hear all this, Jen"

She held my wrist tighter, giving it a slight pull as she slouched down on the kitchen island.