Take Me Back To Paddington (SERIES)

Chapter 6 - The Options

"What the hell were you thinking, Chae?!"

"I didn't, alright?" I answered softly, keeping my head down. "If I did, I wouldn't have done it"

"God!" She yelled a little as her palm hit the steering wheel in front of her. "What if that wanker gets to rape you?! Or worse, kill you after that?!"

"Nat..." I looked at her, road lights flashing to her face through the windscreen. "Nothing bad happened to me"

"Yeah! We both owed that gentleman for saving you!" She continued to dig into my ears with her nagging. "What's his name again?"

"Krauss"

"I don't want to imagine what could've happened to you if he wasn't there"

"Then don't," I sighed, turning my head to the lonely road ahead of us. It was a rare sight to me since I never been out after 9 at night before. "I know you are mad at me but...please accept my thanks at least?"

"I'd drive to you even if you are 48 hours away, Chae. It's not a problem to me, I don't need a thanks from you" Natalie's voice went down, sounding softer compared to the one she projected earlier. "I'm just upset that it's you"

I returned my eyes back at her, feeling the water tickling in them.

"What do you mean?"

"You are my only friend that I thought I won't have to pick up from a pub, ever" Her words expressed a huge disappointment that I could feel towards myself too. "I've always thought you were different from all of us"

My lips were sealed since I couldn't think of anything to respond to her, not even a word. That was because she had the rights to say what she wanted to say. She had the rights to voice out what she had in mind regarding my stupid actions. And she wasn't only mad because I put myself in danger, but also because of the expectations she had for me, now perished.

"Nat..." I gathered the strength in me to say something to make her feel better. "I'm sorry-"

"Is it because you lost Lisa?"

I was muted one more time when I was reminded about a tragedy that I had been dying to forget, as if I could. I knew for good that I couldn't. Even hearing that name managed to give the same amount of pain as the thoughts of it being left into oblivion. Nobody in the police station would say my girlfriend's name again. No news channels would report a homicide case with her lead again. Everyone who she used to work with would forget about her eventually. And Lisa Isaac would be forgotten.

I just hoped that when that time came, it would drag me along with it.

"You know what I'm going to say, right?" She talked again when I didn't give the answer to her question.

Nodding, I only hummed in response.

"I can't say much about that, Chae. My boyfriend is still alive," She continued. "Talk to someone, a psychiatrist even. There is nothing wrong in seeking help, it doesn't make you weak" Natalie glanced at me before she brought her focus back on the road. "You will go to the church later in the morning, right?" She paused, probably waiting for my answer that I didn't grant. "Maybe you can talk to the father-"

"I have tried that" I dissed her suggestion instantly, remembering the meeting I had with Father Andrews when I was back in my hometown, and it didn't do any better. "It just doesn't work, Nat. Nothing is working"

"I assume drinking is then"

"Absolutely!" I pressed on that word. "At least it does a better job than God could!"

"Chae!" Her voice went louder than mine. "Do you even hear yourself?!"

Sighing, I turned my head to the side window since I didn't want to see Natalie's angry gestures.