Take Me Back To Paddington (SERIES)

Chapter 12 - The Father

I exited the station, running a little just to get fresh air and more space around me to breathe. Everything was suffocating; the train, the crowds, even the whole journey was nothing like I had to go through before. Coming back to this town had always been a struggle for me, making me wonder and ask the same question over and over again. Why am I still here? That doubt had become the usual barrier to my guts, and it gave the best shot it could to stop me from getting on the train. But it wasn't good enough because I still took the trip.

Even with those emotional battles, the way back home had never been this traumatising. I never had to see or meet a demon before, let alone having it in the same space as me. This time it was different, didn't matter if I was in the other universe and I should have expected something like this, I just wasn't ready.

Heading to a taxi parked by the road, I crossed the morning traffic with my shaky legs since I didn't want to take a bus to Northamptonshire like I always did. At least, not after what happened to me on the train. I really needed to get home fast, but I also didn't want to be there at the same time. I knew that my feelings were out of place, confusing and consuming my sanity but there was something about my home that kept calling me back to it. Maybe because it was the only place I could feel close to my mother. Maybe.

I kept my head down, fingers crossed with each other as my feet were tapping on the taxi floor. This trip felt shorter than normal even though it consumed some of my time in the day. It seemed like the clock was ticking fast, so fast that I couldn't catch my breath to keep up with it. Why am I nervous? Why am I even here in the first place? What's the need of me coming back home, in a universe that isn't even mine? Is it because I'm looking for more beauty in here that aren't in my place?

I didn't know what to expect when I faced dad later. Was he going to be a different man like the Lisa I met? I had no idea. Apart from all nightmares I had to endure, my father was the worst. He was a good man, I swore that he used to. But ever since he got into that church of his many years ago, he just...changed. He was no longer the father I dreamed of having. And his voice, I couldn't let his voice out from my head.

"Alright now," He walked even closer to me without guilt, without remorse. "Look up"

I did what he just said, having another round of tears streamed down my cheeks when I saw what was in front of me.

"You know what to do," He smiled as his hands were holding each side of his waist. "Pray to me"

I couldn't since the trembling along my throat had caged every word I would want to say. My eyes were tortured, not because I was looking at my father who only had his underwear on, but for having to see what he did to himself. He really carved it on his chest this time.

"Pray, Chae" He spoke. "Pray to me"

"D-dad," I stammered. "You are bleeding-" A heavy sob interrupted me for a second. "Let's clean that, alright? Let me clean that for you"

Smiling, he ignored my attempt to distract him from getting what he wanted. "How do you like my new cross, Chae?"

"J-Jesus!" I exclaimed, finally had the strength to look away. "You are hurting yourself, dad!"

"Hey!" He yelled, probably could no longer contain his anger until he wasn't cautious anymore for making noise that might disturb mum. "What did you just say?!"

"Dad, stop-"

"There is no Jesus, do you hear me?!"

"Come back to the Bible, dad" My cries had become heavier than before, unwilling to witness how bad he had lost his track and how serious he was towards what he believed. "What you are doing is wrong-"

"I'm the son of God!" His wrath poisoned the air we were breathing in. "How can I do wrong?!" He continued to feed his own pride. "I'm a saint!"

It was me who brought my eyes back at my father, having them wide opened. It was almost like my heart stopped beating for a second after hearing what he just said with his own mouth, feeling dumbfounded and surprised.

"Dad, you are a priest!" I kept my voice low, staring into his ferocious eyes with my own anger that had reached its end of compassion for the nonsense he was talking about. "What happened to you?"

"Miracle," A grin decorated his entire face that didn't look like my father's anymore. "God talks to me, Chae. He gave me His power-"

"Don't listen to those voices, they are not real!"  I cut his sentence off with bravery that I didn't know I had in me, considering I had always been silent about his wrongdoings to the religion. "It's not God who speaks to you, dad, you know it!" I pressed my voice down even more. "They are demons!" I continued to burn his fire of rage. "Demons!"

"SHUT UP!!!" He raised his hand instantly, looking like he was ready to smack my face with it. But he stopped. He always stopped. "SHUT IT AND PRAY TO ME!!!"

The ringing of the bell that came from another room saved my night, causing dad to lower his arm back and taking his robe from the floorboards instead.

"Excuse me, miss?" The taxi driver drew me out from those memories of dad forcing me to pray to him. I didn't even realise the cries that I made from having to commit such sin towards God, and it couldn't be left unnoticed by the man behind the wheel. "I'm sorry but, are you alright?"

Sniffling, I flashed a faint smile at him.

"Yeah, sorry I just-" I swallowed the remaining sobs before they could go out again. "I was just-"

My focus was interrupted when my eyes saw a building through the windscreen, which was a place that I spent most of my childhood time in, with mum of course. Realising that this taxi would be driven past it soon, I made a quick decision to end the trip even though I hadn't reached my house yet.

"Could you please drop me at the church there?" I stopped him while my other hand was taking a few pounds out from my jeans pocket. "The white building on the right"

I dragged myself out from the taxi, thanking the gentleman before I closed the door and my view was clear again when the car drove away from it. Should I go there? Should I go back to the station? My heart was thumping hard when I took uncertain steps towards the church, crossing the calm road first before my feet stepped on its compound.

I should go back to London.

The same doubt hit me stronger at that point as I saw a few people coming out from the large door, talking to one another and I assumed those were the pure souls who had been helping with religious activities held by the church. My mum and I used to participate like that, those were the good times I enjoyed spending with her before God sent her to bed.

She didn't even have enough strength to stand up ever since.

Sighing, I finally listened and accepted the hesitation I had in my thoughts. But as I was about to turn around and leave the spot I was standing at, I saw him. There was a pound against my chest when I saw my father, running down the small steps in front of the main door with a smile that I never seen in my entire life.

"Chae!" He half screamed in excitement that was shown on his face even from this distance, I saw it. "My child!"