Dauntless High School

Chapter 44

FOUR

Tris's bedroom feels empty without her in it. I have spent so much time in this room, but usually with all my attention dominated by Tris, because when she is near I have little regard for anything else. My eyes are drawn to the large blank spot on the wall that used to display the stop sign from the intersection at North & Fairfield.

That damn stop sign. It has caused so much chaos and heartache, and it seems it isn't done with us yet. Case in point... the reason I am waiting here, alone. Tris is currently downstairs trying to calm Marlene after her total meltdown halted our discussion of Tris's visit to Uriah in the ICU this afternoon.

I walk idly around the room, letting my eyes wander over all the little things that make this room so very Tris. I can't help smiling at last week's physics test discarded on her desk, bold red marker advertising the 91% she achieved. Her cheerleading uniform peeks out of her open laundry hamper, and a collection of boots and trainers, including several pairs of Chucks in varying colors, some more worn than others, litter the closet floor.

I stop at her dresser to examine the family photos framed there. In the first, I recognize Tris and Caleb, even though they are years younger in this photo; Caleb's hair is lighter than it was when I met him at the hospital, and he grins with front teeth are too big for his face in the way that is so common of older grade-schoolers, while Tris's missing teeth leave a gaping hole that her tongue peeks through.

To the far right is a photo of the whole family, with Tris and Caleb in their awkward pre-teen years. Everyone is smiling at the camera except for Mr Prior, who instead stares at his wife with obvious affection. It makes my stomach sink realizing just how much Tris lost when her mother died. There is nothing left of the happy family in this photo.

In the center is the most recent picture, larger than the others. It couldn't have been more than about two years ago, so it must not have been long before her mother died. Tris is in her cheerleading uniform with red-and-black paint on her face and a big bow in her ponytail, and her mother's arms are wrapped around her, both of them wearing huge, happy grins on their faces.

My family was never a happy one. I wonder what is worse: to have had fifteen years of the love and support Tris grew up with and then have it all ripped away from you, or to never know that security and affection in the first place, like me? Sure, unlike Marcus, my mother has never been cruel. But she has always been distant and reserved, and then there's the fact that she abandoned me to face Marcus alone for four years. Maybe that is Marcus' fault, or just the way my mother is, or perhaps I am just unlovable. I have always thought it was the latter, but the way Tris looks at me sometimes...

I shake my head to clear the thoughts away and shift my attention to take a closer look at the printed photos stuck into the edges of the frame of the mirror. All of the gang is represented here ― there are even a couple selfies of Tris and me that I remember her taking when we were doing that extra-credit math project. But most the most predominant faces are of the Pedrads. She has taken down the not-so-platonic pictures of herself with Uriah, but that still leaves a lot of memories on display. With it all spread out before me, it is impossible to ignore how much history the two share.

Until now, it hasn't really bothered me. But thinking of Tris's friendship with Uriah now, my stomach churns, and I don't think it's just because this is the first time I've really studied these photos. Maybe I should have seen this coming, but somehow, I didn't. I suppose I thought he would be distracted enough by his budding relationship with Marlene and being thrown head first into the whole baby situation, that it wouldn't affect me and Tris.