Fight the Dead, Kill the Living

The Cowboy's a Genius

November 23, 2008

Atlanta, Georgia

The Store

Rick was handing out trench coats and fire axes to people, and I honestly couldn't believe we were doing this. Dean, Sam and I had done some crazy things in our time as hunters, but this takes the cake.

"If bad ideas were an Olympic event, this would take the gold." Glenn said, staring at Rick instead of putting the jacket on.

"He's right. Just stop, okay? Take some time to think this through." Morales begged, but Rick just shook his head.

"How much time? They already got through one set of doors, that glass won't hold forever."

So, we did it. We went outside, killed one of the walkers that was hanging out in the hallway, and we brought it back into the store. Once everyone had their trench coats on, Rick got ready to start chopping up the body. His plan was genius, if it worked. He wanted to use the body parts to make us smell like zombies, so they wouldn't be able to tell we were alive. So... genius. If it worked.

Rick was about to take the first swing when he suddenly stopped and crouched down next to the zombie and started digging through his clothes. Right when I was about to say that we weren't into necrophilia here, he pulled out a wallet.

"Wayne Dunlap. Georgia license. Born in 1979. He had twenty-eight dollars in his pocket when he died... and a picture of a pretty girl. 'With love, from Rachel.' He used to be like us... worrying about bills or the rent or the Super Bowl. If I ever find my family, I'm gonna tell them about Wayne." I call bullshit on the telling his family, but whatever. I mean, why would he? 'Hey honey, I just want to let you know the reason I made it here today, was because I chopped up some guy named Wayne, and used his innerds to cover my outerds. Yeah. Real nice guy. Used to love a girl named Rachel.' Yeah. Bullshit.

"One more thing... he was an organ donor." Well... at least we aren't really assaulting a dead body then...

When our awkward, at least for me, moment of silence was over, Rick lifted the axe above his head, and swung it down. Honestly, I've smelled a lot of really bad stuff, but I don't think I've ever smelled anything as bad as a zombie's rotting organs. Really.

"Madre de Dios!" Morales yelled, and pretty much everyone else had the same reactions. Even Merle and Dean put their shirts up over their noses and they have two of the strongest stomachs I've ever seen.

"Keep chopping." Rick ordered, handing the axe over to Merle, while Glenn, who was standing next to him, looked like he was gonna puke.

"I am so gonna hurl." Glenn muttered, but Rick must have heard him.

"Later." Rick ordered while Merle hacked away at the corpse in the background.

"Everybody got gloves? Don't get any on your skin or in your eyes." Rick ordered, and we all bent down to pick up some chopped up zombie and began coating it onto Glenn and Rick, who were the runners for this suicide mission.

"Oh God! Oh jeez. Oh, this is bad. This is really bad!" Glenn was whingeing now, and I honestly needed him to stop because him talking about it made me notice more just how horrible it was.

"Think about something else... puppies and kittens." Rick said, and I don't think he meant for everyone to hear, but everyone totally heard what came out of T-Dog's mouth.

"Dead puppies and kittens." And then Glenn vomited. All over Dean's shoes. Dude. He looks pissed. Like... walking in on Sam having sex with the Devil pissed. Like walking in on me having sex with the Trickster pissed.

"Seriously!" Dean was yelling, but everyone else was yelling at T-Dog.

"That is just evil. What is wrong with you?"

"Next time let the cracker beat his ass."

"I'm sorry!" T-Dog was saying, but Andrea, Jacqui, and Glenn were having none of it.

"You suck." Glenn said with a groan.

"Dude. You ralphed on my shoes!"

"Do we smell like them?" Rick asked, cutting off Dean's impending rant.

"Oh yeah. Glenn. Just in case." Andrea said, handing off a gun to Glenn, the same one she held to Rick's face earlier.

"If we make it back, be ready." Rick said, and we all nodded.

"All right. We need... we need more guts." Rick said, before swinging down the axe once again.

Rick and Glenn had left out the side door, sneaking past the two remaining guard-walkers, and they had tricked those two, so the rest of us sprinted back up the stairs to watch and make sure they made it.

"Hey, T-Dog, try that C.B." Morales had said as soon as we got up here, but the rest of us crowded up around the edge.

"Base camp, this is T-Dog. Anybody hear me? Can anybody out there hear me?" Rick and Glenn were doing good. They were shuffling down the street, and none of the zombies had looked at them strangely or anything. Alright. Rick's a genius.

But then... thunder.

"Hello, base camp! Can anybody out there hear me? Base camp, this is T-Dog. Anybody hear me?"

"Hello? Hello? Reception's bad on this end. Repeat. Repeat."

"Shane is that you?" Everyone, except for my brothers, Merle, Ruby and I scrambled over to the C.B. My group watched Rick and Glenn.

"We're in some deep shit. We're trapped in the department store. There are geeks all over the place. Hundreds of 'em. We're surrounded."

"T-Dog, repeat that last. Repeat."

"We're trapped in the store, surrounded by geeks. We're trying to get out. Hello? Hello?" Nothing but static. Shit.

Thunder rumbled above us again, and I couldn't help but get nervous. Rick and Glenn were only about halfway to the construction site, and if it rained, it could wash off the smelly goop we plastered to them.

"Oh man. It's just a cloudburst. We get 'em all the time. It'll pass real quick." Morales said, trying to reassure everyone, especially since now we knew that there would be no help from their camp.

The drops started to fall. I felt one slide down my nose, and drip onto my hands that were gripping the edge of the roof. They're going to die.