Blooming Rose in the Dusky Night

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

Question

My hug is warm and tight that I'm afraid I'll suffocate him. But the moment I felt his tight embrace in response, I felt relieved. I mentally counted ten seconds before moving my hand for a gentle caress on his back. Naramdaman ko ang paghigpit ng yakap niya matapos nang ginawa ko.

We are both silent, and usually, silence is uncomfortable. For someone like me, whose entire existence is quiet, silence equates to darkness and loneliness. The word 'silence' becomes a language only when I am with Spencer.

Natigilan ako nang bahagya nang maramdamang ang pagbaon niya ng kanyang mukha sa pagitan ng balikat at leeg ko.

"The one minute is up." I quietly reminded him even though I never wanted to let go.

I wished I could hug him whenever and whatever I wanted. I wished I could hug him like this forever, not minding the world and the people around us.

"Aalis ka?"

Bumuntong-hininga ako nang malalim nang marinig ang tanong niya.

"Yeah."

Hinintay kong may sabihin siya pero wala akong narinig. Dahan-dahan akong kumalas sa yakap namin at tiningala siya.

"Hindi mo ako pipigilan?"

"Why would you leave? To run away from me?"

Marahan akong tumango. "That's one reason."

"Then, I'm not gonna make you leave."

"Kung para sa sarili ko, papayag ka ba?"

Ilang segundo rin siyang tumitig sa akin bago sumagot.

"What do you mean?"

"Ayaw kong maging sabit palagi sa buhay mo. I need to do something for myself. I can't be this woman forever. Walang naabot, walang maipagmamalaki, walang pangalan. Gusto kong may gawin para sa sarili ko. Without your influence, without anyone's help."

"Why?" he quietly asked.

"I don't want to spend my life drowning in this ocean of pain. I don't want to walk this life like a broken-winged bird that cannot fly. I want to fly. I don't want to fade in this darkness with nothing but loneliness abiding me."

Matagal siyang muling nanahimik. Wala siyang sinabi pero naramdaman kong humigpit ang hawak ng mga kamay niya sa beywang ko.

"Spencer,"

"I'll be with you in that darkness."

Pinigilan kong huwag maging emosyonal sa narinig.

"That's not what I wanted to hear, please."

"It's hard," he whispered. "It's hard because heaven knows that I wanted you for myself. But if that's what you want and that's what makes you happy, then do it. I want to see you who you can be, too, because I know that there's more to you than what we see."

Pinigilan kong huwag maluha sa narinig. How can he be so understanding like this? Spencer has everything a woman could ask for, so I wanted to be selfish and have him for myself.

Marami akong gustong sabihin pero mas pinili kong manahimik na lamang at tumitig sa kanya. Baka kung ano pa ang masabi ko. Baka magbago pa ang desisyon ko.

"Where are you planning to go?" tanong niya makalipas ang ilang minuto kong pananahimik.

"You don't need to know."

"Why not?" muli niyang tanong habang nakakunot ang noo.

"Hahanapin mo lang ako at pupuntahan. Mabuti na iyong hindi mo alam."