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Chapter 7: If You Lost Your Way

A couple of days later...

I should probably mention that our families don't know why I'm here in London. They thought that I needed a break and went on a vacation. I kind of just want to keep Lauren all to myself for a little bit, but that isn't fair. Should I call my mother and hers? Or do I call her father? Maybe her sister? Or even my sister? What about my brother? No, I shouldn't call any of my siblings, especially my brother and her sister, they are 14 and 10 years old. An adult should be the one that receives my message. Wow, I'm a mess.

"What are you thinking about, honey?" Lauren asks picking up some toys off the floor.

"A lot, but nothing that you should worry about," I say wrapping my arms around her waist. She stands up straight holding a baby toy and I turn her towards me.

"How are you doing?" I ask. I know that she has been dealing with nightmares, but she doesn't want me to help. She leaves the bedroom and falls asleep in the living rooms holding the same blanket every night.

"You ask me this every day, I'm fine. You need to stop worrying," she says wiggling out of my arms and putting the toy she was holding away.

"Lauren, you were gone for a year. I have a right to worry. I just want to help you. You wake up every night from nightmares and I see you clutching the same blanket every night. You go to your therapy appointment every day and when you come back home you look like you have been crying. Why won't you tell me how I can help you?"

"Because I don't even know what happened to me. I wake up screaming but I don't remember why I am screaming. I hold onto that blanket every night because it is the only thing that I knew when I was in the hospital. It is my safety net. It is the only thing that I had for a year. My baby girl was ripped from my arms and I was powerless to save her. Whatever happened to me was so terrible that I don't even remember it. Imagine waking up in a hospital alone and with no memories of who you are. That was me."

"That was you. You remember your identity. You are you." I say reaching my hand up to wipe the tears that had fallen from her eyes.

"But I live with the fact that I don't know what happened to me. I'm so lost, Hunter. I don't feel safe anywhere anymore. I am scared that I'm going to wake up and you and Ashlynn are going to be gone. I don't know if I could handle that again."

"I wouldn't be able to handle it either. I got you now, you're home." I wrap my arms around her and warm tears fall against my shirt. I start to hum Safe by Westlife and then softly sing the lyrics.

How ya gonna love

How ya gonna feel

How you gonna live your life like the dream you have is real

And If you lost your way