Wattpad Book Reviews

Review - 7

For mahjabin86

Heyy

I'm gonna review your book on the basis of your cover, title, content and language fluency.

Cover: Pretty good, I'm impressed with the maker. It matches with your title. Well keep it up!

Title : Unique. At first glance I thought it was written Dark night rises. Lmao. But then I looked closer...

Summary : Very well written. I think it gave away only the necessary information, got me hooked onto the book. Further you went ahead with a prologue which I must say was well thought of.

Content : It was an abrupt start. The description is something you need to work on,  in the starting of your book.

Within the two paragraphs I saw tenses changing. From past you wrote present, so a little fix can help with those.

Next thing was when you introduce a character by his/her name, there's repetition of the same in the next sentence.

Example : It was a butler, a middle aged man with short height and...
(Make sure to correct it in this way)

And then you wrote Lord Roosevelt looked up to see his butler (change the butler to him.)

Some sentences could be shortened.

Example : You wrote this- He held his hand to his butler to give the letter to him which the butler did.

I will write this: He extended his hand to give the letter back to the butler.

In the next para you described who the witch was. But I couldn't understand if she was pretty, old or young, faithful, her appearance like black hair etc. Write full details please.

Okay now, he handed over the letter to the butler then why are you writing; After finishing the content which was in the letter...

Don't you think that's an unnecessary and repetitive sentence.

Next was you constantly used the same word in two different sentences. I don't have any issues with it, its just that they sound weird.

Example : He went out of his study and without bothering to change his clothes he went out of the mansion with a grim expression on his face

Don't you think something's wrong with this.

Try something like this- He sauntered towards the exit without bothering about his appearance and had a grim expression on his face.

Better?

Now why are you again writing the same content in the next sentence?

There's an error in the description of the daughter. You can ask me if you want to know why and what can be written instead of it.

There's no sequence of the events taking place. While describing the daughter, he would examine all her features at once instead of her hair first and then waiting for something to happen and, then describing about her further qualities.

Work on that.

There was a lot of talking but no expressions. Give the characters some rest. They can't blabber aimlessly.

Maybe before treading on further you could write about his thoughts and feelings.

Some words could be used while writing such as eyes brows were furrowed or lips forming a thin line.

I found a few paras to be excessively long, try to split them up into two, or else it becomes pretty boring for the readers.

There were copious amounts of grammatical errors and tenses. I can't point each and every one of them. Get your book edited by someone or you can revisit the chapters and scan them on your own.

You could add character aesthetics to understand the characters better and also to add a little glamour to your book.

The story seemed to be rushed as if you just wanted to get over with it. Have patience and write some of it again.

I hope you're satisfied with your review!

It's an interesting plot with a good character background. Make sure you work on these.

Thank you!

I would give you a score of 5/10 for now.