Wattpad Book Reviews

End of Carsden

For QueenXirinOfArvada

Heyy honey here's your review.

Title:

It was a unique title. If I'm correct it was Breathless earlier? I was impressed that you kept it simple, revolving around the place your story was built in.
2/2 for it. Well done!

Cover:

It looks fiery and quite interesting. The three main characters were portrayed professionally. I like the colour blend and it works well with your book.
2/2

Summary:

3/5 Oops it could have been perfect with small changes. I like how you kept it short and crisp, giving a brief idea about Latherna, on whom this story was based.

Your version of summary:

Ancient evils, mistaken for stars and beacons of seeming hope. An ancient house, sundered by fire. Of phantoms and magic, none know the arts better than Latherna Demetria, and none know the tales of Carsden better than this gentle,yet ultimately deathbound woman.

My version:

Ancient evils, mistaken for stars and beacons of seeming hope, and an ancient house sundered by fire of phantoms and magic. None knew the art better than Latherna Demetria, a gentle, captivating yet ultimately death bound woman who knew the tales of Carsden better than anyone else.

It's not the best but this is what I got out of it...

Grammar: 2/3

You started the book with Latherna criticizing about her height. That was pretty interesting and I laughed at it.

I recommend changing your sentence like this, "Erin! Oh honey, what are you doing?" She heard her mother call out to her. Turning towards her, she met the spectre like golden eyes of her mother, another woman of steel beaten down by old age. Her hair, once a shimmering black curtain, was now just a frilly white thing, and her once beautiful face had withered with time, leaving nothing but a frail layer of skin. She was almost in her sixties whilst Latherna was merely seven.

I think it sounds better.

When it comes to punctuation make sure you use the correct ones. There were some areas I felt that you had used extra 'commas'. Make sure you fix them.

When I read the first chapter I thought that your sentences were not complete or were simply run-on.

There were some grammatical errors which needs to be fixed. While writing my journals in school I used to search 'active' and 'passive sentences' on YouTube and trust me it really helped. Sometimes you tend to overlook your past and present tense but it will get better with time.

If you try reading published novels of your genre, you will understand where you're lacking.

Don't feel bad because these are little mistakes and a little polish on your work can make you a commendable author.

Plot
3/5

First chapter was pretty good and I got to know about the history of Latherna with her mom though I won't say I completely understood their relationship.

I think you should add more character descriptions when it comes to Lat. I think the second chapter was a lot better than the first. Trust me I enjoyed it. We got an insight into the life of Lat and met her lover. Aww so adorable! The girl has gone through a lot and I love the foreboding of the book. Each character has some value attached to them.

Make sure that your information about the characters is in sequence. When you're talking about something don't jump and start writing about something else.
Try to move in flow.

Make scenes more relevant to each character!

When it comes to dialogues remember each individual speaks in a different way.

When you're talking to an elderly person you use formal language and when you speak with someone of the same age group, informal works fine.

You can use witty situations incase of her lover. That might add to his character.

Hook- 4/5
I was hooked onto the first chapter which was supposedly an introduction. I would suggest scraping off unnecessary scenes and explaining only the vital ones which add to your story.

Add more suspicious information that strikes the readers, leaving them in jeopardy.

Characters- 3/5

Your characters are just amazing! Sometimes I feel that the dialogues are a bit off but I already explained that earlier. I used to write a lot in third person and trust me it's difficult to do so. You have to put in every character's feelings. Whereas in the first person, the focus is only on your main character. Maybe try to switch on it?

Imagery: 3/5

You have a lot of good descriptions in your book which made it easier for me to visualize each and every thing. But sometimes it becomes a bit foggy while writing about your characters.

Vocabulary: 4/4

Amazing! I'm so happy with it that I'm speechless. You're an amazing author who just needs an Editor to fix up smaller mistakes. Your vocabulary didn't make your book seem dull and boring. Great job!

Total: 26/36 Don't mind my mathematics I suck at it lol.