A Chaotic Type Of Beautiful (UNDER EDITING)

Chapter 7- Waves

Today, I don't feel like much. I've been drifting in between classes. I don't think I'll be able to go to the library today- it still hurts whenever I see a book that I used to own. Or books of any kind.

Last night, after my Dad left my room, I didn't eat dinner. My mum arrived late from work and came upstairs to tell me that she loved me and she stroked my hair and kissed my cheek. I didn't tell her about what my father did. My mother is a loving mum, but the problem is that she can't always be there for me. I love her, I truly do, but whenever it comes to the fights, sometimes she's not on my side. Which is understandable because we're talking about my Dad here - he doesn't forgive. Maybe I am in the wrong, who knows?

I'd like to make something clear. My Dad's an alcoholic and workaholic. He's had bad things happen to him so he tries to make others understand his pain by hurting them. It kind of sucks.

Soon, it's lunch and I don't really know where to go. My mum gave me some lunch money, but I don't have much of an appetite. Should I go to the cafeteria? I could probably see Will then.

It's sad that the person closest to me isn't even my friend. I ignore the thought and decide to compromise with myself ; I go outside and sit on a bench in the corner of the quad, where no one is sitting. From this position, I can see nearly every one who's outside. For a moment I think I see Will, his golden hair shining in the sunlight and his golden skin perfect, as always. His beautiful ocean eyes, captivating, that if I stare into them for too long, I'll drown.

I look back down. It isn't his fault that my Dad threw away my books, but my heart was aching for an excuse, so that it would be anybody but him who shattered me again. "Hey, are you okay?" Will sits down next to me. I shrug, not looking him in the eye.

I open my bag and take out Will's jacket, scarf and umbrella. "Here." I try to hand them to him, but he refuses.

"Keep them." He shakes his head. I'm about to refuse, but Will seemed like he really meant it. Neatly, I put the things back in my bag. "You look sad." Will stares at me.

"Gee thanks." I scoff, looking down at the bench. Will gives me a concerned look and I waver off his attempts to get me to open up. "It's nothing." I lie through my teeth. I've actually lost count of the lies that I've told over the years, but it doesn't matter, because the only person I ever really lied to, was myself. "You can talk to me about it, if you want." Will offers, leaning his head back, eyes closed. "I'm a good listener."

I can't.

I take a deep breath. Only three more weeks, only three more weeks. Then I'll be free.

The word 'free' echoes in my head. "Nah, I'm good." I shrug.

Will shakes his head and sits forwards. "Whatever." He says. I look across the feild. I see a boy walk face-first into a tree and I start laughing.

"Psycho." Will looks at me, but I can see the smirk on his face. The boy who walked into the tree, kicks it angrily, and then starts hopping on one leg shouting a variety of colourful words. I laugh harder. I swear that I actually wheezed.

Resisting the urge to grab my inhaler, I try and calm myself down. Will's studying me intensely. "Feeling alright, pervert?" I comment on his staring.

"I'm not a pervert."

"That's what they all say." I look into the distance. "Next thing you know, you'll be renting a van, growing a goatee and going skinny-dipping in duck ponds."

"I... I actually hate you." Will shakes his head, laughing.

"Objective: complete." I say to which Will frowns. "What? If it's actually a kink for koi fish, I'm sorry about the mix up." I say sincerely. Will stands up and looks down at me. "I'm not doing this." Will rolls his eyes, walking away.

"That's what she said!" I laugh, cursing myself silently.
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The weekend sucked. My Dad was working and my Mum was visiting some relatives abroad. I did some homework (badly), re-read The Catcher in the Rye twice, finally finished my essay and slept. A lot. Honestly, I did think about going outside, and as soon as I did, it started raining, so I vetoed my idea and watched sad multi fandom compliations online instead.

I'm just so tired. So tired. I nearly collapsed when I was walking to school and wondered why the wind was so against me. Also, a car drove into a puddle at full speed, leaving me soaked. Just my luck. To top it all off, now I'm in the cold doing long distance running for an hour.

An hour too long.

A group of girls jogging pass me. One of them wacks me in the face with their long braid and turn around to give me a dirty look. 

I try not to sigh audibly.

I smile apologetically, because if I open my mouth, I'm scared that I'll start wheezing like a donkey. From the running or the sheer force of her hair, I don't know.

Kill 'em with kindness!

Nah.

Unless I have a baseball bat called 'Kindness'?

I don't even do sports. What am I thinking? After another five minutes, I'm going crazy. The last time I ate was three days ago, before my Mum left, and I do not have the strength to continue running. It's taking all of my inner utmost strength not to grab my teacher's clipboard and whack it against my face until I either pass out or get a concussion so that I can be excused.

When I reach my teacher, I slow down. Looking me up and down my teacher frowns. "No." They reject me before I even open my mouth. Holding up my inhaler, I start coughing suggestively. "Still a no." They look down at their clipboard and roll their eyes. "Kids these days."

I consider slapping them with their clipboard. But I don't. Continuing running, I imagine them getting impaled on a fence Septimus-style.

While I'm running, Will's group pass me and he completely ignores me. So, he's either ashamed of knowing me or I managed to annoy him yesterday.

I should be happy that he doesn't want to be involved with me! But now I can't help wondering why I feel like I'm drowning, trapped under the waves.
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Hi! Thanks for reading!

I know that this chapter was kind of a let down, but I'll make it up to you (somehow - but don't hold me to it). I hope you're all feeling well! 💛

~CatlikeG Xx