A Chaotic Type Of Beautiful (UNDER EDITING)

Chapter 9- Fix You

*Mild Trigger Warning ⚠️ *

"Ummm." I blink and then start coughing. "I tripped and fell?" Will gives me a disapproving look.

"I have a cat that likes using my arms as scratching posts?" I try to buy myself some time and think of a way to escape and migrate to another country. The only thing I can think of doing is the Strike-Scream-Run method from the American TV show, The Office.

Will examines my arm. "Some of these look recent." He says calmly. Something's wrong. Why isn't he angry?

"No, just reopened." I shake my head. "Look, Will, these are all really old. Ancient, in fact. I'm better now, I swear." I try to escape the situation. There's only one door. There's a window, but the ground is too low. I could still try.

"You're never just magically cured when it comes to this! Have you told anyone?" Will questions me.

There's an akward silence.

"Oh God- You haven't! I can't believe it!" Will exclaims and then rubs his temples.

"Why?" Will says quietly.

"You want to know why?" I laugh sourly. "There isn't just one cause. It's a chain reaction. One thing sets me off and then I obsess." I sit in silence as Will just looks at my arms, confused.

"I don't do it for attention, I don't do it because I genuinely want to die either. No one does. I do it because I want to escape. For years, I have been ridiculed, bullied and pushed around, and after all of that, everyone expects me to be fine." I'm trying not to cry as I watch Will listen to me.

"Well, what if I'm not? What if I'm not just under confident anymore? I'm depressed, Will, and if you think that just talking about it will help, you're wrong."

"I'm sorry." Will's eyes are full of sorrow as he says that.

Sitting next to me, Will holds my hand, and we sit in silence.

"How do you control it?" Will asks. "The need to..." His voice trails off.

"I have a system." I say. "One cut for one person who I no longer love, or who have made me feel so goddam low all this time."

"So you just give in?" Will looks at me in shock.

"If I gave in," I say quietly. "I would no longer be here."

The clock ticks loudly, by the second, while Will thinks of a response. His mouth is in an O shape as he seems shocked by my response.

"When you were about to pass out, you said something." Will says, running his hand through his hair. I raise an eyebrow - I don't remember saying anything.

"You said, 'But I still have three more weeks.'. I hope that you didn't mean what I thought you meant." Will continues. I feel like slapping myself in the face. Of course, I would do something stupid like that. "Ummm..." I stutter.

"Please." Will looks at me, desperately.

I'm actually crying. I don't know what shocks me more, what just happened, Will caring or the fact that my plans are ruined. It's too much for me. I've ruined everything. A tear falls down my face. "Will," I say quietly. "I think I need help."

Taking a deep breath, I continue. "I'm sick. What's wrong with me?" My throat's closing up and I can't stop thinking. I couldn't stop thinking, you've ruined it as always. You're such a failure. Now you'll never be free. I couldn't stop thinking about how, now I'll never be free. I wouldn't be Ghost, the girl who runs with the wind. I would be Ghost, the girl who went to the mental hospital.

"Nothing. Nothing's wrong with you at all. You're perfect." Will says, with a hint of anger. He's defending me. My heart skips a beat.

"No one's going to hurt you anymore. If they do..." Will shakes his head, trailing off. "Just, please, talk to me."

"I can't." Blinking, I feel the tears stream down my face and my words come out strained. "There's some things that I can't... As much as I value your loyalty, Will, there's not much left of me to defend. I'm damaged goods."

Will shakes his head. "Who put these ideas in your head?" He says quietly, after a few seconds.

"It's my problem, Will." I say sternly.

"Why are you trying to push me away? I'm trying to help you!" Will says, heartbroken.

"Maybe I don't want to get better." I say loudly.

"You just said that you wanted help!" Will exclaims.

"I never said that I wanted it, I said that I needed it." I correct him. "I don't even know what I want or what I need anymore."

"I'll help you. Whether it's when you've fallen down, or you just want a friend." Will says. "Whether you've fallen to pieces and you can't hold yourself together like everything's okay, I will try to fix you. I swear."

Will reaches for my cheek gently and wipes a tear. Something flutters in my chest.

What is this feeling?

"Thank you." I say, words that I haven't said in what seems like forever. He smiles at me and for once, I forget about the pain and everything seems to fade away apart from his ocean blue eyes. Suddenly, the bell rings and the school nurse forces Will to go to class and makes me sit back down.

I know the school nurse quite well, and she had taken a liking to me over the years. Instead of shouting at me, she gave me a note to show to my teachers, practically force-fed me some food and gave me an empathetic smile. "This is a serious condition, Summer." I flinch when she says my real name. "I hope you've learnt from your actions. Next time, I might not be so discrete." I nod.

As I leave the nurse's office, I walk into the quad and catch the smallest glance of Will laughing as he walks away.

I smile.
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Hi! Thanks for reading my story!

Dramatic chapter, right? Please tell me your thoughts! If you have any feelings like my character does, please tell someone. It doesn't have to be a professional if you don't want it to be. You can always talk to me!

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~CatlikeG