Anathema

Chapter One... If He was A Real One

3:00 am on a Tuesday and here I was again, silently crying my eyes out trying to slowly cry myself to sleep. I thought I was in love once again, but fate showed me I was just a dumb bitch for even trying.

I wasn't angry or frustrated; I was sad. Sad of this situation? I guess or maybe sad about the loss of a great bond.  I don't know perhaps it will come to me later...

I grabbed my bottle of cognac and downed it before laying back on my bed. The light from my TV, which played Sponge Bob, was the only light that shined in the darkness.

The atmosphere in my room was negative to the point where I didn't think I could stay in it. I kept looking at the closet, not knowing if I was seeing a shirt or a headless man and I kept getting an urge to turn on the light, but I didn't have the energy, either that or I was too scared of what might see me moving and pick that as the perfect time to attack.

Maybe it was the cognac talking or maybe it was just my conscience warning me to beware. I knew that once I woke up in the morning whatever I was going through would have moved on, not from me, but somewhere deeper inside of me, somewhere hidden, but it would still be there.

My tears never stopped, and they seemed to get worse as a series of bad thoughts flooded my head with pure negativity.

All this from being ghosted? Nah I knew it was something deeper; something from a couple of years ago, maybe, cause that's how hurt sneaks up on you and makes you feel worse while you're already down.

I squeezed my eyes closed from the headache that was forming in my head. It was from the loss of water from my body and if I kept on crying, I would soon get dehydrated.

My phone buzzed for the 1000th time since I woke up, it was probably him calling to apologize. I immediately laughed at that thought in my head as I knew he didn't care at all, and probably didn't even have my number saved. If I was him, then it was probably an emergency. I picked my head for the first time to do anything besides take a drink of my cognac.

I wanted to chuckled, but I didn't do it. I was too destroyed too. My bestest friend had been calling me like he did when I always found myself in a situation similar to this one.

When I raised my finger to unlock my phone, another incoming call from him came in.

I debated to myself if I should answer and without thinking I answered on the 3th ring. I raised the phone to my ear without saying a word, unsure if I was ready to break the silence.

We both just sat with the phone to our ears without saying a word. The line was quiet, except for the soft rhythm of Von's breathing, a gentle reminder that someone was there, listening, and waiting.

"Why it took you so long to answer, I been callin' yo fool ass," his deep voice spoke to me, breaking the silence.

I finally found my voice, rusty from disuse, after hours of sobbing.

"Why didn't you stop after the 5th time, V?" I spoke for the first time in 2 hours. From all the sobbing I was doing, I had almost forgotten how my voice sounded for a minute.

"So you saw me callin' yo ass?" He breathed out. "You know, the shit you doing is unhealthy. You probably half drunk huh?" He asked reading me through the phone, how he did it? I have no clue,

I stayed silent giving him my answer as I stared at Sponge Bob; I glanced over to my empty bottle of cognac and shook my head. A good thing was that I had stopped crying but I could still feel the throbbing at the back of my head.

The energy in my room had gone down a little, and I had forgotten about the headless man in my closet.. until now. "Exactly." I heard the phone and nearly jumped out of bed from the sudden noise.

"So what is it? What got you up like this Kali," He asked, concerned on my behalf.

I stayed silent and started sobbing, being reminded of why I was crying before.  "I'm on my way ma," I heard, and I nodded my head as if he could see me, feeling a mix of relief and gratitude.

I hung up the phone and threw it across the bed, then scooted back against the bed frame, seeking comfort in its solidity. My graze drifted to the closet, and I stared at the shirt hanging on the hanger, its presence still unsettling. It's just a shirt.

*******

"Wassup w yo ass," Von asked me sitting on the bed. My room was dark but I could still make out his face. "And I thought yo ass was scared of the dark."

I could feel the cognac kicking in as I tried to answer him back. "Why you so worried about me, it's almost 6, aren't you tired?" I spoke through my raspy yet clear voice.

He shook his head, "Worried about yo' dumb ass, nah I ain't tired. This about that nigga, huh?" I shook my head and snuggled under my cover, I was burning up but it was the most comfortable thing on my skin.

"No. he didn't hurt me physically, but mentally he fucked me up. You don't have to do anything, I'm good."

I looked out the window and I could see the sun starting to rise. I had been sad all night, for no reason.

He handed me a McDonald's bag, and I sat up quickly. I looked inside and it was a hash brown, a sandwich, and some Advil - just what I needed. I looked up at him, who was already eating his food.

"Yo' headache gone come thru when you wake up." He said, mouth full. I dug into the bag and pulled out my sandwich and hash brown. It had brightened in my room plus Von had showed up, so I got up to get a drink of water.

My apartment was dimly lit, except for the slivers of light peeking through the blinds and the soft glow of the auto nightlights plugged in around the apartment - just enough illumination for me.

I grabbed a glass of water and headed back to my room.

"Don't You have class today," Von asked as I took a seat on the bed. I shook my head 'no' as I ripped a part of my hash brown off and placed it into my mouth. "He canceled class last night. Said it was a family emergency," I said, putting emphasis on a family emergency.

This was the 3rd time since the week started that he's had a family emergency. "Even if he didn't I still wasn't going today anyway," I shrugged.

He looked at me and shook his head, "Allat over that Fool ass nigga."

I rolled my eyes at him and took a bite of my sandwich. I just wanted to take a day to myself, why was that so much to ask for?

"Please don't speak if you don't know what you're talking about." I said, A hint of irritation creeping in

He held his hands up in defense, "I'm not the dumb one shawty."

I finished my burger, crumbling the bag and tossed it aside, "if that's what you came over for then you can leave."

The sound of my ringtone silenced him. I looked at the caller ID and it read 'Ken'. I stared at it and Von must've already known who it was.

"If You finna answer I'ma leave."

I ignored him and stared at the caller ID until I felt my hand being moved to answer.

Out of my peripheral vision, I could see Von getting his things but I ignored him, he has nothing to do with my love life and if he was a real one, he would support me through anything.

I heard the front door open and close and I placed the phone to my ear. I had felt better than I did 1 hour ago and I was glad of that - that I let some of that hurt go. Or to wherever it went.

"Hello," I answered.

And here I am dumb again...

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