Recovery {wRoNg sequel}

30

"I'm sorry." I began.

"I already know." He mumbled.

"No, I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have ignored your calls and avoided you when you'd try and come see me. I just-"

"I get it."

Oh yes, he was definitely pissed.

He was sat in the corner of his room on his chair facing his tv fiddling with his PS4 controller.

"Ethan, please look at me."

"I can't remember, otherwise we might kiss again." He snapped back.

I was taken back to that day. That was what caused me to run.

"Ethan, come on." I pleaded.

"I think it's best you leave before I do something to scare you off again."

"Ethan, you didn't scare me." I walked up to the chair and spun it around so he could face me.

Our eyes met and I could see his eyes were watering. He wasn't angry, he was hurt.

"It was my fault. I knew what I was doing, I knew I was going against my beliefs and everything I stand for. It was all me and I dragged you into that." I was chocking up as I spoke.

"I'm sorry for disappearing the way I did and hurting you the way I did. You deserve to be angry at me." I felt a lump growing in the middle of my throat.

"What is this mal? What are we doing? I thought you had disappeared the same way you did a years ago. I'm not built for that. You can't just come and leave as you please and expect me to always accept you back with open arms! I have feelings too!" He stood up and my heart raced.

"I'm sorry" I whispered I had nothing to say. I backed away and he walked to another corner of the room wiping his tears.

The room was silent for a good several minutes. Only the sound of both of us sniffing was audible.

"I can't do this anymore." He said.

"Etha-"

"Can I ask you a question Malika?"

He used my name for the first time in a while which made me feel like I was back home.

"Why are you with me if we can't be together? Why do you kiss me and then I end up feeling guilty for kissing you back because I promised I didn't need physical love?"

I didn't know how to answer that. Who the hell would?

Yet I did know the answer. I knew it very well. It was the reason that brought us together in the first place. The reason why Ethan was so insistent on compromising, the reason why I left him those years ago and the reason why I couldn't stay away.

"Because..becomes I love you." I replied and I wiped a tear making its way into my mouth.

"Love shouldn't be this hard. It shouldn't make you run away when things seem to get serious." He said facing back to the wall so I didn't see him cry.

He didn't lie. There were no amounts of words in the world that could make it up to him.

I felt like shit for making him feel that way.

I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head on his back.

"I'm so sorry for the way I've treated you. I don't deserve you."

His hands touched my hands and pushed them off him. I thought he'd move away but instead he turned around and hugged me back.

I squeezed him and smelt his scent deeply. The way I've missed him was unexplainable.

Several hours went by and we were laying down with his arms around me. It was different than before last time, we were enjoying each other's company.

My chill playlist was playing and we both lay there looking at each other and occasionally held hands listening and taking in the music. His face would blush slightly and he'd crack a smile whenever a lyric was too explicit.

I could lay like this forever.

I was suppressing the voice inside my head that called me a stupid bitch. This wasn't the reason why I came here. I couldn't bring myself to leave. I couldn't bring myself to leave him forever.

I did it before why can't I do it again? This time it was much harder. What I felt for him grew over this year into something unimaginable.

The hard thing about life is we don't get to choose who we fall in love with; I was both unlucky and extremely blessed. Our love was difficult, we are both completely different people with different cultures and beliefs, but we still love each other like the rest of the world doesn't exist.

And in that moment, that moment when our eyes met and the music played softly, our hands pressed together like the first time it did when we were both 17 years old in his house. His arms would grip tighter every now and then as he'd hug me. No one in the world existed, nothing else mattered just us, just how we felt. Like our love for each other would cancel out everything and we could just exist in this very moment for the rest of our lives. Just utterly peaceful and together.

But that's not how life works and there are things bigger than our love. My religion and my trust in God. I realised if I allowed myself to love someone more than I love God, my relationship would fail.

Leaving Ethan wouldn't make my love fade, it would hurt like hell. Ethan was there for me like no ones else. He listened, he never interpreted and would let me cry it out. Whether it was struggles with my mum or school, he was there for me. I felt like such a burden on him so much that I left and yet I was lucky enough to find him again.

I hated myself for not realising going back into his life would cause what it has today. I was stupid and if I could go back I'd rip the bandaid and move forward. Now it'll feel like ripping a knife out of my heart.

Having someone ripped out of your heart and forcefully removed will almost definitely kill me emotionally and I assume it will do the same to him. The devastation I will feel will not compare to any pain I've had before and I don't think I'm ready. But deep down I know I have to do it. For myself and for Ethan.

________________________

Sooooooo guyssssssssssssssss

I'm sorry too😂😂

I knowwww ur mad but here's two chapters I've just been rethinking the ending of this book and now I've got it.

NEXT CHAPTER IS THE FINAL CHAPTER.

HEHE.  

                    ~s