The Wine in Your Thoughts

Forced to be a woman

I didn't want it for you to be the one to see the scar of my past
I never brought it up cuz it didn't felt right
It's not hard to show what is pain
You can read it in my eyes
I couldn't tell if you were caring
I let you out for my disguise
I was afraid for you to see me cry
Being vulnerable isn't my thing you know
I was forced to be brave
Forced to see it happen to me
I rather hide my pain, to you feeling pitty for me
I know it is wrong
You won't understand if I tell you either way
I'm a walking pain
I search for a heal
Is it too soon to be okay?
Or I just might be lying to my soul to see another day?
It won't heal by itself
It's a long process
Is what they all say
I'll get myself through it
That's what I always do
But the bruises will linger forever
It won't heal if it keeps coming back to my mind
I wasn't alone at that moment in time
Someone was always there to watch
Observing everything tearing apart by itself
I couldn't heal
I have a faith and that's a deal
If you ever come to me again and I let you in,
Know that I'm hoping to be healed
I want to be pure again
Even if that was taken away without my consent
They always say, don't blame yourself
I guess I don't
My subconscious always told me I was wrong
What do I do?
Push it in the back?
Forget about it?
This battle ain't over yet
It's getting stronger
If you are able to ease my pain from the distance, you're the process I craved for
A healing that will bring back life into this lifeless soul
Makes sense to breathing
And save the girl's soul who once was forced to be a woman
By then, you'll know I'm okay

-🍷💭