THE HANDSOME DOLL

CHAPTER XXII

Since my research papers are at the council review, I am expected to present it further today. I didn't get enough sleep last night and my head's spinning.

I enter the classroom and stand in front of the review council's five members.

"Mr... ahem, Ms. Chavillon, your topic is exceptional, but we feel like you should work on it more if you want it to get publish.." Mr. Hansem explains.

"Its true, we admire the over all presentation and how the data were gather and analyzed.. you should work more on the conclusion and recommendations... here, Ma'am, we're all expecting you finish it after your one month vacation." says Ms. Flay and handed me my works.

Ugggh! Now that I think of it, tomorrow will be the start of our one month semestral vacation. I just leave the Boss's house two days ago, he's been trying to call me a hundred times since that night, but to my annoyance I threw my phone at the wall yesterday. I also filed a vacation leave to Bruce stating that I'll be working for my papers... its a half truth but the agreement even states that the 376 days that will be spend on my work at the central office doesn't necessarily mean I should come everyday.

"Blythe! Wait!"

I turn around. Judson. He put an arm around me and flashes a killer smile.

"Hey, I've heard that the review council were highly impressed.."

I sigh. "Yes, they were but they still find it lacking of some sort... oh, by the way, thanks for letting me crash over to your place.."

"Anytime Chavillon." he let me go and stares blankly at the baseball field. "You and your lover got a fight?"

"He's never been my lover..." I look away. "Judson, I think I need to find myself an apartment today."

"Why? My mother says she loves having you as long as you need a place.. and I am glad you allow me to help you"

"I'm the one thankful here... but, Bliss will come home any day.."

"That twin brother of yours?"

I nodded. "Judson, thank you.." I tiptoe and plant a smack on his cheek, laughing after as he turns deep red.

He offer to accompany me to a nearby apartment her mother's friend own.

We separate ways at the hallway. I'll be fetching my things and meet him after his class. The thing about breaking up with the boss is that I never really broken up with him because there's no ties to break up with in the first place.

He was never mine.

It sucks.

But when I think of it, its all on my favor, isn't it? Didn't I'm the one who tell him that I don't want things to get serious. But why am I unhappy about it?

There's nothing I can add to stir his anger more. I made my decision when I walk away from that house. What I can do now, is get myself back the way I am several months ago. Yeah, I can do this, I need to do this.

I'm walking near the entrance gate when I spotted the boss's black Porsche park in front. Geez, what is he doing here?

I don't want to talk to him or even see him. It will only make me realize that I miss him so I run my mind on all the alternate exits of our school. There is one at the gym but its a hell farther to the streets.

I turn back and decided to take the gym's exits.

I sigh, relieve. My head's starts spinning again I just want to lie on a bed.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Heaven's! I thought his car...

"You're very predictable Blythe.." he added. He was standing at the corner of the gym's exit, smoking. His hair disheveled and there are black circles under his eyes, nonetheless he's gorgeous as ever.

I continue to walk. "I thought I made myself clear..."

He blocks my way, both hands gripping my shoulders. I look at him as emotionless as I can put it.

We hold each other gaze for a long moment, challenging the other to do what the other wants. He wants me back. I want him to choose me.

Finally, he looks away first.

"Get out my way..." I said.

He did.

-----

That night on my new apartment was awful. I can't sleep so I just roll and roll myself on the bed.

It's that bastard's fault for making me used to the warmth of his body.

This is frightening, I thought. I'm having feelings I'm not suppose to have.

----

"Here, little dove.."  says Mrs. Daniel, handing me a bunch of arrange pink tulips.

I lift up my face and raise an eyebrow. "This is for what Ma'am?"

"A man came here last night, seeking advice about what sort of flowers is the lady boy fond of..."

"He calls me lady boy?"  I don't know if that's an insult or... Yes, its definitely an insult but I can't help but smile. The boss. He came here last night.

"He was looking at those flowers with sad, longing eyes and when I handed it to him, he grip the stems, staring at it for a second but eventually ask me if I could give them to you. I said that you'll be happy if he's the one to look you straight in the eyes and says, here, but... but he said that neither him or the flowers can make you happy.."

I clench my jaw and lay the flowers on the table.

"I... I don't even know what.. is it that can make me happy.." I whisper.

She reach for my hands and squeeze it. "Blythe, dear.. I know Im not in the right place to say this but... there are some risks in life that are worth taking for..." she continues, her voice old but soothing.

"But what if those risks hurts you.."

She smiles gently, the wrinkles on her lovely face apparent. "But what if its the other way around?"

-----

Mrs. Daniel has a point.

But I wanted to say to her that the boss and me, is just.. it couldn't just be.

I don't want a man like him.

I don't like being order around.

I don't like being threaten whenever I'm with my guy friends.

I don't like.. to be taking care of.

I don't like it when he makes me feel less alone.

I don't like it when he tries to swoon me with his words.

I don't like how he treats me like I'm someone he cherish.

I don't like it that he made me taste a bit of happiness and then shove me back to my loneliness.

I don't like asking how he really never consider choosing me.

I hate myself and I hate him.

I hate him for messing up with me.