Everything

Unexpected and New

I couldn't wait to go to school with it. Then, when August 16 came around, everyone complimented my new look and some people even cut their hair, too.
A lot of new people were at Northeast, in 8th grade. Faces I didn't recognize and people I didn't know.
Allie came up to me after her first class, choir, and she had seen the new kids too.
"There's so many new people here! Where did they even come from," she exclaimed.
"I don't know but it's weird," i saw someone walk by who was different right as I said this. "See there's another one!"
She had a blonde ponytail and pretty blue-green eyes. I later learned her name to be Shyanne.
Allie told me about the drama she had already experienced on just the first day, "This one girl was sitting in my choir and I said hi to her. She said hi back but she said it like a total bitch! She was like 'hi?' and so I called her a bitch."
What? "Are you serious, Allie?" I laughed, "Looks like you're going to make tons of friends this year, Allie."
She gave me a dirty look for my sarcasm and said, "Whatever," before continuing to her next class.
I had choir second, right after Allie did. I walked in and we were to get into lines to learn our dances for the concert we would be having soon. I noticed one new girl in the line behind me. She dressed differently. She had a jean button down shirt on that was buttoned up to her neck. She was extremely tall, probably 5'11. Her shoes reminded me of cardboard and looked like she went back in time to a village in the 1800's to get them. She intrigued me and I liked how she expressed herself.
I continued on to Computer apps 1 and then English for my lunch block. The interesting girl from my choir was in my English too.
We had a different English teacher this year. Our other one, Mrs. Walker, was fired for teaching the class how to give blow jobs with a banana. It wasn't my class, it was the upper-classmen and I couldn't believe that Mrs. Walker did that! The only thing she did with our class was tie Jacob Smith to her desk with Christmas lights because he couldn't stop getting up and couldn't do his work. The entire class remembers that story.
This new English teacher was previously a German teacher, so it confused me as to why she would be teaching us English, when she was actually a German teacher. She called herself "Frau", and instructed the class to do so, as well. That's how we found out that the interesting girl was from Germany. Her name was Hannah. She did not pronounce it with a hard "a" sound, though. It was pronounced like "Haunnah" and every one in the class payed attention when she spoke. We all wanted to know more about her and we all wanted to be her friend. She could have been 19, but was 14, like the rest of us.
Allie made friends with her first, while I became friends with Shyanne. She invited me to her house and she was the goofiest girl I'd ever met. She was every boy's dream and she was the opposite of Allie. She was just this tiny, blonde haired girl who had more energy than a cat during the night.
We walked around the island town of Sabula and looked at the pretty water and the beautiful houses on the hills across the lake. I wanted to be inside them.
We met people named Tristin. He was tall and skinny and seemed like he had something larger than life going on beneath his bulgy blue eyes. His sandy hair was long and reminded me of Eric Foreman's style in the first season of That 70's show. I thought he was cute. We didn't stay with him very long, we went down to the basketball court and found Steven McColley playing with Quinn Mussman, Sam Smith and Anthony McColley. Shyanne knew them all, but I was getting social anxiety from meeting all these new people. I just went along and played with them all. I was terrible at basketball and they thought It was funny, maybe even cute. Quinn was Shyanne's cousin and a grade older, along with Sam.
Sam was a very interesting person. He had an afro that looked as fluffy as a cloud and white boy lips.
These boys were some of the best looking boys I had hung out with. Steven looked like Will Smith, but white, and with a body that could make your eyes fall off your face. I never appreciated boys until him. He was confident and seemed like he knew what he was doing.
Little did I know, to the knowledge of differing between confident and cocky. Steven was cocky. I really wanted him, though. After a certain day of hanging out with him and Shyanne, once, he messaged me.
"want to go out?"
I was freaking out. He was asking ME to go out with him. I was not worthy of his affection. I couldn't understand why he would just ask me this out of nowhere, so all I said was, "maybe."
Then, he told me how it was just a game.
He and his brother, Anthony, were only going around asking girls if they would go out with them to see what they all would say and to tally up how many each got. I found that to be sick. They viewed relationships as a game, but I didn't. not even at a young age.
Quinn was a beautiful boy. He had longer hair that some might call "justin bieber hair" because of its swept-to-the-side qualities. his eyes were brown, to match his hair. He, too, had the body of an angel. Tall and muscular. He was amazing at playing basketball. I developed a crush on him, as well.
I was naive to the fact that boys like Steven and Quinn would never like a girl as average as myself. They would find someone prettier and funnier. I was just weird and I made people uncomfortable, sometimes.
Anthony resembled Steven, if you really looked, but Anthony's hair was lighter brown and his eyes were blue, instead of brown. Anthony was cute. He asked me to hangout with him whenever I was in Sabula.
One day after he asked me out, and I said yes, we walked down a road. It led into a forest and the water ran along side it. It was in August and the weather was warm. I had a blue hollister shirt on and the pair of shorts that didn't make me hate my body. He put his arm around me and I held his hand. We talked and walked and then he stopped.
He came around in front of me and looked right into my soul. he was admiring me. I blushed and before I knew it he was bringing his face closer to mine. I had never kissed anyone before, so I became nervous. my brain turned into one of those scribbles that babies draw. His lips touched mine and I tried to do what I thought was right. I grew embarrassed and pulled away.
"Jerk," I pushed him.
he just laughed and we continued walking.
"that was my first kiss."
"I know," he said simply.
"I didn't know what I was doing. I'm sorry," I laughed shyly.
"you did fine, Tatum."
"can we try again?" I stopped walking and awaited his lips to return to mine. This time I really kissed him. I counted the kisses, three of them. That time I got it right.
I was so excited to tell Shyanne that I had just had my first kiss, and she was to thank. For, she introduced he and I, and if I was never her friend, it would never have happened. She took it very cooly as I jumped around and bubbled over about it.
Anthony and I were together for two months after this. We would go to the Bombfire Pizza restaurant and hangout on the terrace in the winter. The cold was biting and he kept me warm by wrapping his arms around me. Once he gave me one of his huge, warm coats.
He didn't ask why it wore the same five sweatshirts every week, just in a different order. He didn't ask why I was weird. He just liked me, and I liked him.
He was dark. His parents would hit him and he was a violent person, when pushed to it. Never toward me, but he once wanted to kill a man. I tried to talk him down from it but he stayed angry. he never killed them, but he was very close.
He accepted my dark qualities, too. One day I was late to school. My mom was really mad that I was late. I couldn't understand her anger. It was only half an hour out of my first class. I was talking back and she got that crazy look in her eyes that she would get when I was younger. She reached her hand back and smacked me in the face. I couldn't believe she did that. I never thought that's who she was, she had never done it before. I reached over and hit her back. She stayed mad the whole ride to school and I kept crying.
When I got to school, you could tell I had been crying. Anthony was in the halls when I got there and he wanted to know what was wrong. I pretended nothing happened. He let it go.
The whole situation reminded me of the times my mom would tell me I was going to my father's house in Wisconsin. She would yell and make it sound like a punishment for something I did. I would cry so hard I couldn't breathe. Why didn't she want me? Why didn't she love me the way I loved her? I cried the whole hour drive to Dubuque and she pulled over at a gas station. She went inside and came back and handed me a smart water. She didn't explain, she didn't apologize. She just told me not to get dehydrated and turned the car around.
That's when I began to grow up.
I thought Anthony was perfect. He would come to my locker every day between every class. one time he came up behind me swiftly and wrapped his arms around my belly. he brought his face up on my shoulder and kissed my neck. I whipped around and gave him a playful surprised look.
"what are you doing," I smiled, looking around at the other people. none of them were watching us.
"nothing," he smiled back and walked with me to class.
I thought back to my previous relationships. A five-day-long one with Gabe Empen.
Oh god, where to begin with Gabe. He has blonde hair that was made from rabbits fur. He was chiseled out of stone by Hercules, himself. His minty blue eyes could hypnotize you and his lips were like pillows. I didn't get to experience these during our five day relationship but he and I were not ready to be with each other, just yet.
So, instead we became best friends. We would talk on the phone just about every night. He could make me laugh harder than anyone ever could. He stayed my friend from the moment I met him in seventh grade to the precise moment I am writing these words. He has become a part of me.
A part of me, like the air that I breathe.
A part of me like the darkness growing in my heart.
it was going to take some time.
Anthony showed me how dark people could be, if they were pushed far enough. He also showed me how strong it could make you.
He was jealous of my friendship with Gabe. He frequently asked me about it and couldn't believe he and I were simply friends. It was true. I never kissed Gabe, like I did Anthony. I never hung out with Gabe, like I did Anthony. I wish I could have proved this to Anthony but I didn't have the words to tell him for him to believe me.
Alas, we broke up. I was surprisingly okay. Shyanne, Katelinn and I threw his coat in the lake. I didn't cry. I didn't fall into a pit of wallowing sadness. I didn't love him.