It's a liTtLe bit short, but hey, at least it's something. : /
Sean
Working with the family was something that I was proud of when it was just first starting. Looking back know, I see the mistakes that I made. Somehow, just thinking of my messed up past, makes me slowly become more of an empty husk of a human. Still doing other people's biddings, even if they don't make it seem that way. My mind just seems to sink to the darkest and deepest of spaces. Looming in them, and soaking in the angst that's in it.
I envy people that have lived a half decent life. Not one with many twists and lies. Having to think twice, just to make sure you will have people next to you the next day. Cause the people in this world are twisted little things, aren't they?
They love it when people play their little games. Forcing them to choose the right path, even if it hurts the player in the process. As long as they get a toy at the end of the game, that's all that madders to them. It sickens me to see these things, yet it wasn't that long ago when I was a toy myself
When I was under the Speakers control, it felt as if I was free from the world. The thought of being as powerful as it, seemed to take paths in my mind that should've never been made. I was sick with power, as it flowed through my veins. The whispers were tuned out, as the voices applaud me. The whole world was under my command, but at the same time it wasn't.
While my eyes are finally opened to my horrific actions. I wish I had a way to change it, but it will forever haunt me. Especially when night falls, and my mind is free for the darkness to take the reigns. Reminding me of mistakes, and showing me things that I could do to the ones around me.
I promised them that I would let the past be in the past. Yet, you can never truly forget who you once where. That person is still deep embedded inside, waiting for the right chance to strike. Which is why I fear for my lovers lives. At any moment I might turn back into the monster I was. Hurting people to fuel my hunger for pain, which that freak of nature loved to feed from people.
Times might change, and my thought process might get a little bit healthier. Yet, I can never can truly forget the horrors that I made innocent souls go through. How many peoples lives I cut short, as their blood soaked into the ground. Staining the earth, to forever remember the act committed there. The acts which leads to where I am today.
These two might see a light inside me, but what if I don't see it myself? Am I forever doomed to be evil, and these two are just lying to me? So many questions, and not enough time to answer them. Maybe one day I will become a better person. That day will come, once I have forgiven myself.
