This is based off the Headcanon that I've made. It's that once Lee figured out what the blade/knife could do. He got an Obsession with it. He would just want to feel that thrill again, so he would slice his hands nonstop. Once Sean (Cause he's in the other dimension.) found out what he was doing. He would help Lee overcome his obsession with the blade.
Lee x Sean
The storm clouds wash their tears over my blood cloaked hands. If someone were to see me in this state, they would think that I was an escaped psychopath. Yet, once they did the testing for the blood on my hands, the secret would be out.
Never in my life, has a life been taken by my hands. The only thing they have taken, is my power of self control over myself.
I'm just a stranger in my own body these days. Watching myself from a camera point of view, as my whole life turns to shambles around me. As I create a whole new begin, with just one little object.
Who knew that you're parents are right for once. Once you have a obsession over something, you just keep on going back for more. You just can't live without the taste for to long, or you risk losing you're own mind in the process.
Finally the blood is just silky puddles on the ground, as the full glory of my hands come into view for all eyes to see.
It disgusts me to see myself at such a pitiful state. I once was someone, yet that was back before my friends weren't died, or crazy drugged cultists in a way, that is.
I start to trace each cut, as if to make it fade back to what it once was. A whole hand, and maybe my soul would be able to magically be fixed to. While I'm making wishes that will never come true, I might as well say to take my heart to the fixer to.
It was once something that hold many people in it. Yet, nowadays it's just a shattered mess. Poking me with its sharp edges, that make me want to scream out in pain. But I keep it in, so nobody, even though there's nobody left, can think that I'm weak. Just because everyone may be gone, doesn't mean that my life is over.
Right?
Yet, what if all of these events have been trying to send me some sort of hidden code? That maybe life isn't so glam and fabulous as some may see it.
Some people have to deal with the hardships of a never ending battle inside, and outside of their head. Fighting for what they believe in at that moment, only to question their own beliefs later on down the road. Cause, life isn't as easy as many view it.
It's like a game of hopscotch. Hoping to roll a high number, so you don't have to keep everyone waiting. You don't want to be that person holding up the crowd so the blood starts to pump harder to keep up with you're feelings.
A shattering feeling comes from deep within myself, as my body jerks out in response. It's as if someone just stabbed me in the heart, yet I live to tell the tale.
Yet, that's exactly what has happened to me so many times. After adding another scar to my hand, to appear in the lovely dimension. The only way to leave it, is to stab myself in the heart, killing me temporarily. Which leaves me hopping right back into this unhealthy cycle.
Sometimes I like to think if there's a true reason why I'm doing this. Besides the fact of how much I love the thrill, and the flame that lights up in my hollow soul. It's the only time I ever feel anything anymore, so maybe that's why I keep on putting myself in harms way.
"Back again Lee?"
My mind comes to a slow, as I have to force myself to look up to the familiar voice. One that both haunts and calms me at the same time. Even if I have a reminder of what he has done to me, he was just as bad as me.
Having an obsession over something.
"Of course I'm back. You seriously thought that there's a chance that I will just stop coming here?"
I let out a dry laugh, to add to the sarcasm in my choice of wording. As if I'm taunting him, and reminding at the same time that I'm a Carrier. I'll forever be connected to this place, no madder how many times I come here. Even if I never touched the Knife again, yet, that isn't a option.
A cold hand is placed on my shoulder, that is there, in a comforting way. Something that I haven't felt since Mo's death. Since, he was the only one that could put up with the shit I'm going through.
"Lee, this isn't something that you should be abusing. You have this job for a reason, and it's not to fall victim to the urge of the dangerous cycle. For fucks sake, you're going to die if you keep this up."
His grip on my shoulder becomes painful, as he digs his nails into my flesh. As if, he wanted to make sure that there was no way that this was a hallucination. That this was a real civil conversation that the two of us were having.
"Not like you cared much if I I've or die, Sean. Remember?"
I couldn't help it, the words came out of my venomous mouth without a second thought. Yet, the look on his face after made me think that maybe I should use my brain more often, then naught.
"Do you know how much I regret that Lee? Do you understand how much it kills me seeing you inflict pain to yourself, without caring about the after affects? I know what it's like to have an unhealthy obsession, and how it seems like you're never going to get better but-"
Knowing him for as many years that I've had, I know that he has a habit of rambling. So, it's better to cut him off after he's done saying his main message. Or, you might be sitting there for days as his feelings get placed into you. Which, can be both a good and bad thing at the same time.
"Sean, it means a lot that you will admit you're wrong doings. With that aside, I forgive you, so stop blaming yourself. It took awhile, but I understand what the feeling is like. With one little wrong move, it ends up becoming a sick and twisted game. One, that seems to be no end."
I'm tired of this.
The pain that I'm doing to myself, and the people around me. I've thought about quitting before, yet I never had a reason to. Nobody to go home to and celebrate with. Saying, "look at what I did guys!". Everyone was gone from my life, so what was the reason for me to better it?
It's not like, anybody would want to help me in the first place. I'm to much work to be fixed all the way back up. Also, who knows what the end result will be. It might just be a bigger mess then what you started with.
"Lee, stop viewing the world in one point of view. There's other things to see in life, besides the things that make you down. Which just end up eating you up, until you are just somebody totally new."
Maybe he's right, in a way that is. The world might be a little bit brighter, but it's back to the whole reason why my habit has turned so bad. Even with this sudden change of motion from Sean, i'm still a lost cause.
But, it does feel strange inside my normally hollow of a soul. It's as if someone has somehow figured out the right buttons to press, for my system to start up again. I have no idea if I should be glad, or enraged about this.
"Lee?"
Maybe, just maybe, the one that has tooken the most from me. Will end up being the one that ends up fixing me back up. Wrapping each any every single sliver of my soul.
It might not be pretty, yet my body will be able to function once again.
"Sean, please help me.."
I never thought those words would be coming out of my mouth, yet, it felt so right. Like, a big boulder has finally is out of my body, and I can breathe freely again.
"I promise I will fix you Lee, and never break you again."
"I hope that you will keep that promise. Or i'll never see the light of day again."
