Joker Imagines

Bad Habit

Male!ReaderxArthur

⚠ Physical Abuse ⚠
⚠ Childhood Trauma ⚠

(Y/n) had a bad habit.

He had a bad tendency of laughing a little when he was anxious and smiling when shit was hitting the fan. He even had full blown conversations with himself when he was alone or throughout the day when he was trying to stay distracted.

He had tried to stop himself, but...things only progressed. He could only assume it was a coping mechanism at this point.

Desperately trying to fill in the silence that haunted him with angry thoughts and self-deprecating banter.

(Y/n) often found himself hugging himself and offering gentle touches to himself when he was stressed.

Initially brushing his thumb over his bottom lip and trailing his finger down his back and chest, touching as much skin as he could before venturing lower to fill the void he tried to bury with suffocating amounts of pleasure.

Pleasure that left him more touch starved than before.

Pleasure that made him sob because of the loneliness he felt as he cried out, muffled by a pillow, as he released on his own hand.

He was embarrassed before.

But it just seemed like second nature, now.

He felt like a touch starved weirdo and he was slowly becoming okay with it.

That is until his therapist dug deeper and revealed to him why he did what he did.

Growing up as an only child and outcast of his family when he was younger left serious scars.

The abuse.

Physical.

Mental.

Emotional.

Ripping away at his very being time and time again.

Always clawing at his jugular as he tried to find any form of positive affection.

Love that was unconditional.

It was always conditional.

Always wrapped around him being something he never was.

Never could be.

And because he couldn't, he suffered.

Beatdowns and gutwrenching insults.

Forcing him to endure it all without expressing how he felt and only to gaslight him when he begged for an explanation.

That's not how I recall it happening.

That never happened.

You're lying.

You're making shit up.

Are you sure that's how it happened?

That only happened because you were disrespectful.

Oh, so that means I made your life awful.

So I'm the worst parent ever?

I think you turned out fine.

You're only bringing this up to hurt me.

I did the best I could with what I had.

Well, my parents did that to me and I turned out fine.