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by queenhales

by queenhales

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my brain was born to self destruct,
and my heart was born to take the beating.

i lay with my emptiness and try to block out the crying of my heart to feel alive.

my brain is the kidnapper who took my rights to be okay
– a trial that will never get justice,
a slave to my own depression.

my confidence is caged in by the brutal reality that i will never be able to walk past a mirror without noticing everything my brain hates about me.

i look down at the ground because if my eyes meet yours for a second too long, you will start to see that i'm a sailor whose ship sunk a long time ago.

don't ask me to explain why i'm not okay,
my brain didn't come with instructions,
and even if it did, it would be in a language that my brain would never let me learn.

so i'll sit up at night and overthink every conversation until my pillow is soaked with regret.

no one seems to notice that my eyes have lost all hope.
no one seems to notice that i'm standing on the edge of a cliff that is breaking beneath me.
my heart stops my feet from taking that no return,
even though my brain will push me eventually.

until then, i'll nod and smile and listen to this murderous brain that keeps reminding me that i'll never be like you.

– e. gould