FOREVER?

|Chapter: Twelve|

⚠️ Self Harm

"What are you doing?"

I was relieved to see Jeff near the doorway. I took out the coffee beans from the cabinet. "Making myself some coffee. You want?"

"Awesome", he sat down across the counter table. He kept nibbling his lower lip. "Uh Leah, are you fine?"

Fine? That one word was worth so many sentences in reply. I knew now how it feels to be suffocated, as if the high walls I built around me were drawing close and I was all, but trapped. I couldn't breathe and how the seconds felt like an eternity under his grip. I couldn't even put up one attempt to stop it, wail and cry. Instead I kept staring in those browns, which looked more lifeless than mine. The words that slipped off his tongue so smoothly, with no hesitation were so harsh. Yet, when he showed up inside my room out of nowhere, drunk. I showed my sincerity when he asked for forgiveness. Despite my feelings being ruined for him till the point I didn't even want to see him, I helped him sit up and in the name of humanity only, I decided to make him a cup of coffee to get his alcohol meter down. I was far from fine. But Jeff didn't have to find out about it.

"If I were not, I won't be brewing coffee right now", I told him.

He chuckled. "You'd be rolled under your sheet and overthinking if dad loves you because he didn't paint your ceiling white." I rolled my eyes at his trying to hard to say something meaningful and long. Yes, I did stare at my ebony ceiling but that was not what I thought. "What? Didn't you want it white so you could write all your favourite quotes from the books?", he asked.

"Yes, I still do", I said, pouring him a cup. "Its already late, you're going back to sleep?"

"Not after this", he blew and took a sip. "I think there are some leftover pizzas. You wanna binge watch some series?"

"I'll pass", I said, nonchalantly.

"What are you going to do then?", he asked. And was that suspicious tone he just used?

I have a drunk Dani to take care of, of course I couldn't say that. "Sketch", I replied shortly and with the coffee mug I went past him wishing him a good night.

Very carefully with one hand I creaked open the wooden door of my room. He was no more sitting on the bed I helped him before to, but near my small bookshelf. He had the copy of, "Mansfield Park" in his hand. He didn't notice my presence until I closed the door with a thud. He placed the book back to its place before turning to me.

"I was only looking", he said. With a quick head nod I passed him the mug. "Thanks", he said, almost sounding polite enough. I said almost. But that was enough for Dani as he hardly tried. An awkward silence fell over us like snow blanket over a rooftop. He sat on my bed sipping his coffee and I went staright to get a book out my shelf. Kill the time. "Are you still mad?"

"No", I smiled at him, "I'm only slightly surprised you came here." Slightly I said, because somewhere in a sick corner of my mind I felt something unusual related to him will happen, he was the most unpredictable predictable factor in my life. He comes like a storm at a moment and each time he destroys me.

"I came to apologize for my behaviour earlier."

"And you haven't apologized yet", I reminded him. The thin line between my calmness and temper was slowly starting to fade. He raised his eyes to finally meet mine. "You asked for forgiveness, something I might not be able to do. Not when you're drunk and you have no awareness of your actions. So I can only tell you to leave after you finish your coffee", I spoke my mind, without holding back. With Dani it is always like this, he might be dominating but I felt whenever he was vulnerable like this, I always had the upper hand with him.