Linkguistics

Part 13: Kass' Major Test of Patience

Today's schedule includes half of a flashback, Kass enduring through a Major Test of Patience, and maybe some progress on getting into Gerudo town.

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Link really hated to leave somewhere this nice, but he'd had a good night sleep and obtained a lot more information about what transpired a hundred years ago. The food had been divine and he decided to leave before he slipped and set something on fire that wasn't supposed to be burning. Link was also worried Scruples and Epona might be lonely.

Jerrin had an interesting tidbit of information to impart over the porridge that morning. "Did you visit the Ash Swamp just south of Kakariko? Right by the Dueling Peaks?" She was motivated by a mix of morbid curiosity and the sense that there might be something he remembered in there. It was not every day when a person fought to the death against an army of machines.

Link asked for clarification, "Was that place with all the broken Guardians?" When Jerrin and Robbie nodded, he said, "No I didn't. That area gave me a bad feeling and with all the Guardians, I thought one might still be active. It seemed like a place to avoid." It gave him the heebie-jeebies and the collywobbles.

"That is where we found you near death. It was before we went to the Shrine of Resurrection," said Robbie. "It was where Urbosa died too..." Robbie decided that he didn't want to explain and re-explain that Link would have been flat out ignored if the Princess Zelda had seen any hope of Urbosa being revived by the Shrine of Resurrection. Divine knowledge would not have stood a chance against that hope. "Urbosa was taken by her people. For a funeral."

Curiosity and self-preservation were having a brief battle in Link's head. The skirmish had a clear victor when Link wondered if Urbosa would be haunting the place like the other Champions haunted their places of death. She might be able to help him get onto Vah Naboris or, at the very least, into Gerudo Town.

Link was starting to head to the door when Robbie stopped him. "Wait, we have something else for you," he said as he pulled out a box. It had a solid rattle to it and within Link saw some of the designs like those of his Sheikah Slate.

Robbie grinned and held out the box. "We spent ages fixing your old armor. It taught us a lot about the old technology. It is time we returned it to its owner."

Link felt deep nostalgia as he pulled out his old armor. It looked in better condition than ever before. Link admired the custom-made greaves and cuirass which Zelda, his friend Zelda, had made for him so many years ago. He remembered a voice speaking to him. The legends speak of the spirit of the Hero being reborn at the same time as the Princess of Destiny... I don't want to rely on that legend so, please, wear this armor. We spent ages on it and the Master Cycle. Now, shall we join our friends? They are pretty exited about piloting their new toys.

The moment was ruined by Robbie. "If you want a helmet for it, bring us the materials! We kind of need funding for our research sooooo... It'll be two-thousand rupees. I can get started right now."

Jerrin said, "Robbie, Ico ulds trang leyou."

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Kass happily took in the view from the stable roof as he planned his trip home. His daughters were the only thing on his mind until he heard the screeching.

Now, to call it screeching does not do the Din-forsaken din justice. Kass had been teaching children music for years and the only thing keeping him from swooping down off the Gerudo Tower and smiting the unholy racket-maker was the patience all music teachers learn lest they gouge out their own ears. Kass would have seriously considered the ear-gouging method if other resorts failed to stop this noise.

It was no mere amateur tone-deafness: This singing was a violation of all the laws of music on a fundamental level which should have been understood by anything possessing ears. If Revali had manifested to Kass and proclaimed Link a demon, Kass would have believed him right away and without question. Kass would have wholeheartedly supplied pitchforks and torches to rid the world of a demon with this awful of vocal chords. It was incomprehensible how a guy capable of carrying a tune when humming could sing like that.

The other interesting thing about this singing was how many historians would have killed to obtain the lyrics from it. Anthropologists would have swooned, provided they would not have been bothered by this assault on tonality. Kass was in no position to record the words for posterity and can be forgiven in light of the verbal torture.

Kass adopted the strategy of playing his accordion loudly. It was the standard way to deal with Link now since Link fell silent when listening to the cheerful melodies. This had been an accidental discovery about two near-Link experiences ago. He'd said many prayers of gratitude to the Goddesses for that particular miracle.

As Kass suspected, Link was approaching him and Kass ended up answering a request for information about the swamp with a song.

Seeing as Kass would write decent song lyrics, I won't even try my hand at the poetry. Just know it was a really touching and sad ballad about the bodyguards defending the Princess with their lives, Zelda annihilating things, Link being taken to be healed in the Shrine since the Sword that Seals the Darkness said so, Urbosa's pieces being taken to the desert for an honorable burial. That sort of thing. After he finished the song, Link stood up, looked towards the swamp, thanked Kass, and rode on forwards. Kass would have flown home had there not been a thunderstorm that rolled in.

Link returned the next day. Link looked pretty depressed and stopped to see the local dog before bothering Kass. "Ireal ly sho uldh a vebo ughttha thel met. Ofco urse ma ybehe dkno wwhe re. Kass, please say where Urbosa's grave?"

"That, I cannot say for certain as I've never been there myself. I hear that she was brought to join the Seven Heroines..."