Linkguistics

Part 11: The Hero of Crime

100 A.C. : Link's sightseeing schedule includes the Gerudo Desert. His attempts to gather information are less than fruitful.

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His entrance onto the scene had been unusual. She and her fellow guard watched an erratically moving speck on the hazy horizon. It seemed to jump up and down a lot while flapping around like a fledgling learning to fly. It was only as he got closer that the two guards realized he was shield-surfing every downhill surface available with no sand seal. He kept furling and unfurling a paraglider as he did so. Downhill surfaces did not seem to be the only ones being used, the approaching nuisance seemed to be trying to surf uphill with limited success and unlimited failure.

Dorrah didn't often encounter a voe as genuinely clueless as this short blond guy. She was starting to get quite irritated and, had he just been some idiot feigning ignorance, would have been tied up to the wall for a while as an example. He was a genuinely ignorant idiot. (Also she was reminded somewhat of a lost sand seal pup. It was probably the eyes. That weakened her resolve to just kick the guy aside.)

This was worse than some creeper. Link wanted to learn. She was having to not only explain the finer nuances of syntax, she could not get the point across that no men were allowed. Link was still not familiar with the Gerudo accent and the compound effect of subtle cultural traditions combined with linguistics had become a nightmare. They didn't cover this level of stubborn combined with ignorance in guard training.

"NO! You are a voe. No voe are allowed in to the town. Vai only."

"What? I'm friend. Not a foe."

"Look, not foe, voe. It's a 'v' sound, not an 'f' sound. Voe is the Gerudo word for a man. You are a voe! Vai only. Vai is the word for a woman, female, or girl."

"Can I ask few fast question without leaving where you see?"

"No. No men allowed." If she had more visitors like this, Dorrah was going to be demanding a pay raise. She saw Link crane his neck to peer past her a bit and he narrowed his eyes.

"Gorons go in?"

"Yes, Gorons go in."

"But not me?"

"YES. You do not go in. Shoo. Get lost." I haven't had this much trouble intimidating a guy since the Sand Seal stampede of 96 A.C., thought Dorrah. She breathed a sigh of relief when Link finally left. It took him a long time to leave, what with trying to jump on and off his shield every five seconds. She hoped she had seen the last of him, or at least that he'd bother a different pair of guards for the time being.

She had a fairly uneventful shift for all of about seven minutes. A rounded figure stomped around the corner of the wall, then through the sand towards, waved, and stopped to chat. The brown and grey Flamebreaker armor concealed most of Link's diminutive figure but did not conceal his height.

"I am a Goron. Can I go in?"

What Dorrah and her fellow guard could not see was the large grey wolf sitting next the the wall. He was facing the wall and slowly, repeatedly smacking his forehead against the bricks.

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'Vilia' liked to people watch and had seen the odd blond guy on his way to Gerudo Town. It was difficult to miss the guy. After Link let his horse free to get water, he'd proceeded to drag around a box with him as he talked to the people of the bazaar. The usual hum of voices took on a more confused tone as Link had made his rounds trying to gather information. Link's strategy seemed to be as follows:

-Drag box to person.

-Position self on top of box.

-Ask "How do I get to Vah Naboris?"

-Ask a lot more random questions.

-Drag box off to next person.

Link left the horse at the oasis after paying the inn to take care of her. Link then left for the road and opted to flap around with a shield and a paraglider across the sands.

The next day, Vilia saw the erratic movement of Link on the horizon and made the decision to make himself scarce. If Link found out 'Vilia' was actually Victor he didn't seem like the kind of person who could keep a secret. Vilia had a good thing going and the Gerudo Guards might stop looking the other way if troublemakers adopted the cross-dressing stratagem.

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Link felt like he'd missed something obvious when trying to figure out how to get into Gerudo town. After the failure of the FlameBreaker armor to fool the guards, he decided to try visiting the Akkala Tech Lab. He had to go the long way since the place was unmapped at the present time. He could have teleported in closer. Link simply wanted to spend more time with Epona. He planned to leave Epona at a stable when he teleported back to the desert but for now he had a chance to enjoy the scenery.

After many more naming fiascoes, the wolf seemed to accept that he was going to be called Scruples. It was one of the least heinous monikers the current Link came up with. The Hero of Twilight supposed it would be weird for Link to call him Link. Calling the wolf 'It' was similarly bound to wreak havoc on the pronouns. In fact, the wolf had started calling Link the Hero of Crime in his head. It didn't quite fit as Link had been trying really hard to not cause trouble. Slightly More Ancient Link felt somewhat justified in calling Slightly More Modern Link by this title since he was being called Scruples.

The Hero of Twilight lay down on the grass outside the lab as the Hero of Crime walked in without bothering to knock.