Code Blue | Grey's Anatomy // Book 2 // COMPLETED

72 | I Want it All

"The General surgeons weren't able to repair your sister's kidney, so...we're gonna-" Callie and I sat in the lobby across from Donna, our long surgery coats still on.

Donna nodded, "Let's just cut to the chase. Eventually, she's going to need a kidney. Right?"

I took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay." Donna sighed, "Well, here I am. Open the toolbox. Take whatever she needs."

"Hey, look, this doesn't have to happen right now." I said, trying to comfort her, "Okay, sh-she'll be on dialysis until we find a donor. You don't need to be spare parts for your sister anymore."

"Here's what I need." Donna inhaled deeply as she leaned forward, "I need a boyfriend...and a job...and a Caribbean cruise...and I would like to learn to ride a bike because I never learned to ride one when I was little. I couldn't get injured 'cause Reese might need some body part. And I'd love to not be spare parts for my sister anymore, but can I do that? Can I say no?"

"Yes, you can say no." Callie assured her, "It's your life. You know, you should ride that bike. Go on that cruise. Get a boyfriend. Dance in your underwear. Yeah, you can say no."

Donna took a breath, "I can say no."

"Yeah, it feels good, right?" I smiled.

"I can say no!" Donna stood up from her chair.

Callie and I stood up as well, "You can say no!"

"No!" Donna screamed.

"No!" Callie and I laughed with her.

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"Hey, going back to the tribe?" Owen asked Callie as the two of us headed for the front doors, ready to go home for the night.

"After I grab Sofia." Callie nodded, "How about you? Seeing your not-girlfriend?"

Owen chuckled, "That was the plan, but I'm going to talk to the hang glider's sister. She decided to donate a kidney after all."

Both Callie and my face fell as Owen walked away. "She was free." I huffed, "All she had to do was say no."

As Callie took off, I remembered that I had forgotten to grab my coat from the lounge. Groaning, I headed back up where I ran into Meredith. I was about to say, "Hello." when Cristina walked out of one of the E.R.s. "How'd it go?" Meredith asked.

"Her initial labs look good." Cristina walked over to Meredith as I stepped closer to the two, "She's, uh, headed down to the cardiac I.C.U. if you want-"

"You stole that surgery from me." Meredith interrupted.

"I'm sorry." Cristina apologized, "I really wish you could have been in there with me."

Meredith sighed, "I worked my ass off to do that surgery with you, and you stole it from me. That was low-"

"Meredith, you were unprepared, you were unfocused, and you were late." Cristina rose her voice, "I didn't steal that surgery from you. I rescued that surgery from you. Because you couldn't do it."

Meredith huffed, "I understand that you believe you are God's gift to medicine, but I am every bit as talented and competent a surgeon as you are."

"No...you're not." Cristina told her matter-of-factly, "I'm sorry...but you're not. And that's...that's okay. You have different priorities now. You cut back on your clinical hours, you log in less time in the O.R., I mean, you don't do research, and I get it. I mean, you have Zola and baby Bailey, and-and you want to be a good mom."

"I don't believe you." Meredith responded, "You are saying that I can't be a good surgeon and a mom."

"Of course not." Cristina denied, "Bailey is a mom, and she...I mean, she was fantastic in there today."

I crossed my arms, probably not having any right to speak but doing it anyway, "Then what are you saying?"

"I'm saying..." Cristina paused and looked to Meredith, "I'm...okay. Bailey never let up. Okay, she, like, lives here. Callie never let up. Ellis Grey never let up. And I know you don't want to be your mother. I'm saying...I'm saying...you and I started running down the same road at the same time, and at a certain point you let up. You slowed down. And don't say that I don't support that, because I do. You made your choices, and they are valid choices. But don't pretend they don't affect your skills. You...are a very good surgeon. It's...we're in different places now. And that's...okay."

Without another word, Cristina turned and walked off. Deciding to leave Meredith alone, I walked to the lounge where I found Alex sitting on the couch. "Hey." he looked up as I grabbed my coat.

Just as I was about to leave, something in my mind clicked. "I don't want to choose between being a good mother and a good surgeon," I told him.

Alex looked up at me in confusion, "What?"

"I don't want to choose." I repeated, "I should be able to have both. The family and the career. And-and I don't need you to do that. I don't need you to be in my life, but I want you to be in the baby's life. And we're going to work together for years to come, so we have to work something out. I want it all. And I'm not trying to be selfish when I say that, but...I deserve it all."

Alex cracked a smile, "I think we can make that work."


What if your focus splits? What if you can't be all in? Are you left with nothing at all? Maybe you just need to find a different path. Here's what's horrifying...what if you can't give a hundred percent? Maybe you just need to go back to the beginning...and start all over again.