Begin Again

Chapter 4

Jacob eventually found his way home. He wished a hole would open up randomly and swallowed him up. Dealing with the situation he ran away from, for the day, was not something he looked forward to.

His boyfriend had waited for him to come home, but instead of a welcome home kiss like he would usually do, Jacob's boyfriend stayed seated on the couch with a glare painted on his face.

"Its about time you got home. Where did you run off to, having your hissy fit?" His boyfriend scoffed.

"It wasn't a hissy fit. I needed a breather." Jacob was feeling nervous, as he tried to word his responses correctly.

"Who did you run out to see? Are you already cheating on me? Do you not see how hurt that made me? Seeing you run off... I was scared. Jacob, don't you care about my feelings? It seems like lately you only care about yourself."

The way his boyfriend interrogated him made Jacob feel like he was incapable of doing anything right. It was as if nothing he did was good enough.

Jacob could tell he was start to shrink into his imaginary hole from all the guilt that was growing inside him. The tone in his boyfriend's voice made him realize how selfish he was being, how dumb it was to just run off. How could he just do that to his lover? To make him scared?

"I'm sorry, it won't happen again," Jacob responded, trying to alleviate the situation.

To no avail, his boyfriend shot a hard glare at his partner. "You always say that. Do you even mean it? No, you probably don't. I'm going to bed. It's late and I don't want to deal with this anymore."

Jacob watched as the other quickly withdrew himself out of the room. As soon as he was completely out of sight, Jacob didn't keep the tears from pooling out of his eyes. He felt his hands shakily attempt to wipe away some of the moisture. Anxiety filled his brain as he made his way to the couch to lay down. Why couldn't he seem to do anything right?

The situation replayed itself in his head, his mind twisting it to make it worse than it seemed to be. Why did he have to meet with Kevin? Why didn't he just stay home?

Jacob realized, though, that he didn't regret meeting Kevin.

~~~

A week went by, thankfully with the distraction of his job at the music store, but it wasn't long before Jacob had one of his days off. He was glad his boyfriend was at his own job today so he didn't have to deal with him.

Jacob wasn't sure about what he wanted to do for his break, but a small idea kept trying to pop up. He felt bad for how the situation went with Kevin the other day. It wasn't his fault that Jacob never told him he had a boyfriend.

He found himself getting ready to go out into the cold, winter air. After dressing up in warm attire, he made his way out the door and on his way to the only place he can think of to clear his mind and to possibly make amends.

He didn't really think of what he was going to do or say if he were to find Kevin. Jacob only knew that he wanted to see the younger boy.

"Ah, sorry. Kevin took today off."

Jacob stared in disappointment at the young boy, who looked to be a couple of years younger than him. He found the first employee he came across and asked to be directed to Kevin's tour guide station. He wasn't really expecting not to find him.

"Your name is Jacob, right? Kevin told me about you." Jacob nods, before the feeling of worry filled his gut. He talked about him? Was it good? Or maybe he talked about how he disappointed the younger.

"Calm down," the boy chuckles. "It was all good things. I can see your worried thoughts practically on your face. He should be back tomorrow, if you want to try again?"

Jacob merely nods, followed with a muttering of thanks, before walking away. He was about to leave towards the exit of the museum when something catches his eye.

The painting.

His feet led him back to it, like the usual occurrence. Every time he took in the scene of the painting, the more he saw himself. This couldn't be a coincidence right? The emotion on the boy's face portrayed a happy, relieving face. One that said that this moment exists for a reason. The boy in the painting was meant for Jacob to see. The thought nagged at his mind. It was almost as if the painting was trying to tell him something.

A loud bang broke him from his trance as someone had dropped a heavy object nearby. Shaking his head, he makes his way out of the museum. He felt deflated. This trip had been a failure. His mind kept wandering, but continuously ended up at remembering the way disappointment took over Kevin's face. The way he went slightly pale finding out that Jacob was taken. The way he left him standing there with the guilt and sadness. Jacob needed to fix this, but he felt lost and helpless.