Comedic Gold

Stargazer

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Author's POV:
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Florescent lights shine down on figures of a human and alien in disguise as they travel the grocery store, pushing an empty cart in search of food. Russel walked around in wonder at the products, as he usually did on their shopping trips. The options were seemingly unlimited, and he desired to taste every last thing on the shelves, right down to the laundry detergent— Even though Y/N had warned him that might be a bad idea. It just smells so good.

"Oh, Y/N specimen," he calls excitedly while tugging at the back of her t-shirt and pointing to a nearby shelf. "Can I try a... a..." He cannot seem to comprehend the written words well enough, so he attempts to sound it out. "Cam-peembels."

"I'm sorry, a what?" She turns to where he was pointing as he lets go of her to pick up a can of Campbell's brand soup.

"Cam-peembels," he responds confidently, presenting the can, making her giggle. Confused, the alien tilts his head a little.

"Did I say a joke?" Smiling, the human picks up a package of peanut M&Ms and shakes the bag.

"Russel, what does this say?" Squinting his eyes and coming up really close to the candy, he tries to read it. He had them before. They were quite tasty, but he could not recall if their name had ever been told to him.

"Pen-ut memenems." Stifling a laugh, Y/N goes on to point to a number of different things in the store just to hear his cute pronunciations of each item, leaving him super confused, but he continued on anyways, seeing as it was putting her in a good mood.

"Mokey-nex," he says to a box of Mucinex cold and flu medicine. She snorts and then points to a sign overhead saying what general products are down each aisle.

"Beaver-age?" Was that right? He wasn't sure. Y/N couldn't stop laughing. He looked to another sign and reads off that one, hoping for a better result. "Brusheas and combies?" Y/N was cracking up so hard, she had to lean against the cart to hold herself up. Lips pulling into a determined frown, he marches up to a shelf of cereal boxes and reads off the easiest looking one.

"Reeessesa puffas!" He exclaims, thrusting the box at her. It put not a dent in her condition; in fact, it probably made it worse. "I don't understand; that's how they're said, isn't it?" She tried to answer him through the wheezing, literal tears in her eyes, but she couldn't correct him, all he could make out was,

"Bruh, I'm dying!"

"Who is bruh?! Y/N specimen, please, don't die!" He shakes her repeatedly, fearing that he had accidentally doomed his Earth guide, but it did him no good.

She kept on laughing all the way home before she was finally able to explain that he could not read a damn thing.