The Holy emo bible

The Doubt Fic

The kicking stops after about a minute. After that, once I've let go, he just lies there, silent and still. Panic rages through my veins, my hands shake, and all around me starts to fade to black.

It's the same nightmare I've had every night since I arrived here. I lay there on the top bunk on my first night, listening to the clanging of bars somewhere in the cell block, just like I do every night when I wake from my nightmare.

I never see who it is I'm strangling, and I never know why, but it always feels real. It always feels like a... premonition. Or whatever you call it. It scares me.

It's not like I have no reason to be locked in here. I've done my crimes, and now I'm doing my time. A lot of time - I was 18 when I got here. But, the nightmare still scares me. Murder is a lot different to manslaughter and arson.

My heart pounds, still rushing from the panic of my nightmare. I try to close my eyes and fall back asleep, but the clanging of the bars and the snoring of my new cellmate make this impossible.

I toss in my bunk, turning to face the wall, and have to stop myself from wincing in pain when I put too much pressure on my newly bruised ribs. Just when my other bruises heal I get a new batch to keep me awake at night. I scowl at my wall, straining my eyes in the dim light to where I have a list etched into the paint.

I AM REAL
PETE IS REAL 
BRENDON IS REAL
ALEX IS REAL
BRIAN IS REAL
MATT IS REAL
SPENCER IS REAL

I lift my pillow and find the loose screw in the metal bunk frame which I unscrew quietly. Holding it to the wall I add a name to my list. My new cellmate.

JOSH IS REAL

I must have fallen asleep eventually, because next thing I am being yelled into consciousness by the usual morning guard.

"GET A MOVE ON, JOSEPH, BREAKFAST ENDS IN A HALF HOUR."

I sit up painfully and squint at him to which he just rolls his eyes and keeps going along the hall. My new cellmate, Josh, is standing by the gate waiting for me. He has a sheepish look on his face.

"Could you.. uh.. show me where the mess hall is?"

"Sure," I say simply, still not entirely sure what to make of him.

He runs his hands over his freshly-shaved head and gets this almost pained look on his face.

"It'll grow back soon enough."

He smiles weakly at me, following as I lead him from our cell towards the hall for breakfast.

"It used to be red."

"What did?" I don't look over at him when he speaks. Instead, I keep my eyes on our surroundings. The last thing I need is a surprise attack from anyone.

"My hair. It was bright red. Before that it was blue and purple and green. I've always had it different colours. I kinda hid behind it? Now it's gone, I feel naked."

I nod at him and give him a small half-smile before walking through the double doors that lead to the mess hall. It's bustling, but no more than usual. I can see Pete's clique sitting at one of the far tables as usual and he sees me coming in, too.

"HEY, JOSEPH!" he hollers, "YOU READY FOR OUR DATE LATER?"

Pete's clique all laugh, Brendon even claps, and I can feel Josh startle behind me.

"Ignore him," I tell Josh, grabbing a tray from the pile and making my way down the food line, "you don't need to get onto Pete's radar. Trust me."

He nods slowly, and I can see him inhaling and exhaling slowly as he follows me down the line. He scrunches up his face at the slop that gets piled onto his plate, but says nothing.