Will You Save Me // Jercy AU

29~ Love Yourself (No This Was Not Written By Justin Bieber)

T/W: Homophobic slurs and (brief) mentions of self-harm

Percy's POV

I huddled close to Jason, allowing myself the momentary luxury of another human's touch.

'I'm sorry' I whispered, over and over again

Jason kept shutting me down, saying I had nothing to be sorry for.

I knew otherwise.

Jason's POV

'It'll be ok' I whispered to him, over and over again

I felt Percy struggling with my words, he kept shutting me down, saying that it could never be.

I knew otherwise.

Percy's POV

I slowly sat up, my eyes void of every last tear.

Jason looked at me, taking in my tear-stained face and runny nose. He gave me a light smile.

He grabbed my shoulders and stared deep into my eyes.

'Percy' he whispered gently, his voice full of desire, full of longing. 'I know you're hurting and I know that right now everything sucks but this?' he said, gesturing to the faded scars on my arm.

'This is not the answer'

I sighed

'Jason?'

'Yeah?' he answered, tenderly

'Have I ever told you about how I came out?'

He frowned, obviously confused about where this had come from, but decided to let me go on.

'No, no I don't believe you have?'

I swallowed, knowing that if I were ever to divulge this it had to be now- to Jason.

If I don't tell him now I never will.

I took a shaky breath and began to speak.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I looked to her, her gentle face shining in the dimly flickering light hanging by a single cord from the grotty ceiling.

'Mum...' I said gently, placing my fork down to my plate of uneaten food.

'Yes darling?' she replied, her sweet voice ringing in the silent house.

"you can do it," I thought to myself
"He isn't here"

I cleared my throat, building up the courage.

I wasn't going to fail this time.

'I-I'm gay'

I looked down, not making eye contact. My face was flaming.

I felt a light weight on my hand, I looked up to see her hand resting on mine.

She gave me a light smile, the gentle curves of her mouth making her so much younger. Each worry line faded away, the tiredness of her eyes becoming nothing more than a memory.

'I still love you, Percy, I hope you know that. That will never change'

I gave her a warm smile as I feel tears stream down my cheeks, I relaxed for the first time in as long as I can remember- allowing myself to relish the few moments peace I had found.

That illusion was soon shattered by the spam of the kitchen door.

'I knew it!' he yelled, a sickening triumphant grin imprinted on his beaten face.

'I always knew you were a pathetic fag' he spoke with distaste, his anger seeping into his words, his lip curling in pure revolution.

I sat still, terrified of what would unfold.

All around me chaos reigned, the constant yells took over the kitchen- the few moments solace I had going now nothing more than a dream.

He turned to me

I gave a slight whimper but let him pummel me

"He'll take it out on her if not"

And so I let the beatings come, I curled myself into a ball, riding it out like the riptide.

When the punches stopped I looked up, too weak to do anything more.

'Gabe! Gabe calm down!' I heard her yell

I blinked twice, opening and closing my eyes to remove the blood that had spilt into them. I saw my mum standing on the fire escape, her back against the railing.

I saw Gabe too, his monstrous frame almost blocking her from my view. I gave a weak groan and tried to stand--to fend him off.

'Your son is disgusting, I want him gone, out of my house. And, if you're lucky, I may just forgive you for raising that fag'

I crawled faster- I had to save her.

Then mum did something I had never witnessed before.

She straightened her back and stood taller, her eyes burning with a fire of anger.

'Don't you, EVER, talk about my son like that again!'

I saw his face contort in anger, shocked that she had dared to stand up to him.

He raised his meaty fist and staggered forward, only one thought burning in my mind: "I have to save her"

And he swung, I heard the sickening crack as he connected with his jaw.

Everything moved in slow motion.

She tried to stumble backwards, the railing blocking her. I felt a strangled yell escape my mouth as my mother, the only thing I truly loved in the world, tumbled off the fire escape, her hands reaching blindly into the air.

I shuddered as I heard a dull thud- the quiet sound of her body hitting the floor.

Then it all went black

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Percy...' Jason whispered 'I-i don't know what to say...'

I looked at him
'I was just thirteen' whimpered, my voice breaking as fresh tears flowed down my face.

'I-if I hadn't told her if I had chosen any other time... She'd still be here'

I heard my voice cracking and I tried to keep the emotions inside of my shaking frame.

'Percy' Jason said softly, his gentle hands stroking my hair. 'You can't seriously think it's your fault?'

My silent sobs gave him the answer I needed.

'Oh Percy' he whispered, tightening his hold on me.

'If I wasn't gay, She'd still be alive'

'Percy, it's not your fault. Your mother loved you, she cherished you for you. Maybe it's time that you start doing the same'

I only sobbed harder, curling up to his warm body.

He sighed and stroked my head 'Maybe it's time for you to love yourself'