With You (Skrillex)

Lost It

I cried myself to sleep finally just as the sun was rising. I swear I could feel my heart physically breaking into two. When I woke up again it was mid-day and I was hit with reality like a ton of bricks. Sonny broke up with me. My best friend hated me at the moment. I was a mess. 

I continued to cry over the shambles that was my life at the moment. How was I supposed to continue to work now? 

I turned my phone off and continued to lay around the house and cry. I was feeling like complete shit and I knew I wasn't going anywhere. My stomach was churning the whole day and again that night I cried myself to sleep. 

I woke up the next morning feeling disgusting again. My heart was heavy and I still felt like vomiting the more I thought about it. I never thought I would be that girl that would be completely heartbroken and sob uncontrolably over losing her boyfriend but this wasn't me just losing a boyfriend. This was me losing the one person I decided to give my whole heart to. 

I turned my phone back on and noticed I had a few texts from Luke all from yesterday. He asked if I wanted to grab dinner together and then asked where I was since I wasn't responding. I texted him back apologizing for not responding and that I was sleeping. 

I wondered about inviting him over here. I was torn between wanting company and wanting to be alone. What I really wanted was to have Sonny and Maggie back. I decided some company wouldn't hurt so I texted Luke back asking if he wanted to come over for lunch. 

"Yeah. I can just grab something and bring it?" He asked and I gave my phone a small sad smile. What an angel to bring food. We decided on fast food and he said he'd be over soon. I was still wearing the clothes from two days ago now but I didn't care. I pulled my hair up and washed my face to get rid of my puffy eyes. 

About twenty minutes later I heard the front door open and Luke rustle around in the kitchen. He glanced behind him to look at my for a second before he continued to look at my fridge. "You don't have any ketchup?" He asked, standing up to look at me. "Whoa, are you okay?" He asked closing the fridge with a concerned look on his face. So, I looked like complete shit. I just shook my head and he came over and I could feel my eyes start to water again so I just looked up and wiped them before any tears could fall. 

"Hey." Luke said softly, coming over and hugging me. When he hugged me I just lost it but it felt good to finally have someone comfort me instead of just crying into my pillow. "What happened?" He rubbed my back. 

"He broke up with me." I cried into his shirt and he pulled back for a second with a confused look. 

"Sonny broke up with you?" He sounded so surprised and all I could do was nod. "The fuck..." I heard him whisper. 

I eventually calmed down enough to eat but I didn't eat much since my stomach was in knots. I still felt like shit and all I wanted to do was curl into a ball and melt into the floor. Luke stayed and talked with me for a while before giving me some space. Mason texted me telling me he loved me and that I was a great person and sweet things like that that made me want to smile and cry at the same time. If I was such a great person then why was everyone leaving me?

I cried myself to sleep again. 

When I woke up the next morning, mentally I was better but physically I still felt like shit. Maybe I'm actually getting sick and this isn't just me being emotional or something. 

I went to sit up and was met with a instant cramp. I groaned and rubbed my stomach like that was going to make it go away. Great, so now I was getting a period too? Fucking icing on the cake. 

I showered and got dressed in sweats because who did I have to impress? Actually, I had work I needed to do but I was avoiding it all and totally abusing Mason. I felt bad about it but I knew he understood under any other circumstances I wouldn't do this.