This might be a real thing between us

Chapter 26

We're so alike and yet I want us to be so different.

In the time we've been together (one month and a half) I've noticed that we are more alike to them than what I thought. I thought we wouldn't be like them as much and honestly I used to criticize them for being so... cuddley? And so clingy but honestly, aren't we like that too?

We used to say how we didn't want to be that way and I used to think we wouldn't do things like kissing in school and other stuff, and to be completely and entirely true with you I don't mind it. I actually crave for all this things to happen every day but... it still feels weird almost wrong? Specially knowing how many people would talk behind their backs saying how clingy and cuddley they were and stuff! But also the fact that they or more specifically my friend seemed to be letting aside her own friends. Not like she doesn't like us or anything but I mean, at some point, your boyfriend truly becomes your best friend doesn't he?

I guess I've started to notice that now... and I don't know what to do! It feels so right and so wrong! I just want to be completely into him and all like if he was my best friend but I also want my friends to be able to feel like they can still trust me and tell me anything whenever they need to. I love how our relationship is turning out, and I honestly (very deeply) hope for it to last well... honestly I hope you're my one and only to be honest...
But then I'm also scared of that, of the future... isn't life scary? How things start to change in ways we don't understand or we've never really know they would!

I'm still trying to figure so many things out! I'm still trying to plan a perfect scenario if I ever meet your parents (like in your house or something)! Or maybe your whole family!? I'm still trying to figure out how it would be like to start telling you all my secrets before anyone else knows them, would you feel overwhelmed by my problems? What if my friends start hating our relationship? Maybe they start thinking we're too clingy or something and I know! I know we shouldn't... well... I shouldn't care about what other people say because I love you no matter what but how do I shut off that feeling of "not feeling guilty" about something that should be normal and beautiful!?

...

Yeah... it's beautiful... it's lovely... it's amazing... it's a feeling that gives me shivers... goose bumps... all over! From head to toe! It's electrical and warm... it's euphoric... it's calming and relaxing... and I love it! I love that feeling! It's engulfing! It's breathtaking! It's something I don't want to end ever! I just want you by my side...

I don't want anything in our way... I want to stop thinking about the outer world as just completely make my world ours and only ours!

I even felt guilt the day I playfully hit a friend because her hit you... but I might have hit her too hard and she got angry... now she's very exaggerated and I know her! I know perfectly well that she is a very sensitive friend but still... I can't help but feel guiltyyyy why!? Why!?

I think I should ignore that part of my brain, or is that also a bad thing to do?

Either way... I will not give up so easily, I'd first change many friendships over giving up the best person I've had because... I don apreciate my friends but maybe... it's not me who should think about what is happening... maybe also my friends should know that... sometimes I get to be a little "selfish" and think about my own feelings and my couple feelings... perhaps we both (my friend and me) need some time to rethink things over and process that life changes and that we're growing up and now I have someone else by my side that cares about me as much as I café for them. <3