This might be a real thing between us

Chapter 18

Maybe you did it indirectly... maybe you were trying to make a joke about what we were talking... maybe you just wanted to sound friendly... maybe it was a generalized statement... but I still (slightly) felt it the wrong way...

In our second class together we started talking about a subject I honestly don't remember and then you turned to a friend that sits besides me and told her that if she wanted she could go to your game that was after school...

You said this because she kept bugging you over why you couldn't go to the meet up (that later on got canceled of the pool party) and she wouldn't stop asking what was the reason and he said, jokingly, that if you wanted you could go to the game that was at 9pm in a far away place from the city. This place can take around two hours to get there if there's traffic so it was meant more as a joking statement and she even laughed and just went: "well then never mind" and everyone laughed it off. Even I did...

But...

I also felt a little sad... I mean... I know it was a joke I GET IT! I just can't shut down that part of my brain that keeps thinking bad stuff...

This part of the brain wouldn't stop asking:

Are you so close to me because you want to talk to her?
Do you like her?
Would you be happy if she came to the game?
Do you feel anything for me?

Or...

Did you know I've been hoping that you'll one day invite me to a game so I can see you play, so I can support you... did you know everyday I fall deeper for you and even the slightest bits that you joke around with other girls makes me slightly jealous!?

It even amazes me! I am not the type of person to feel threatened or in any case jealous by anybody! I am not the jealousy type but with you... things are different...

I don't show or say anything but... I actually... got a little jealous that the joke was not to me...

Perhaps... I should tell you how I feel before I do something without thinking that I'll later in regret...

If I were to tell you how I feel... would you reject me because of how strict your parents are? Would you reject me because you don't want something serious?
Would you accept me as I am?
Would you like me back?
Would our relationship as friends become awkward?
Would you stop talking to me?

Would you say it back...

Those three words...

Would you?

Would you really?

Cause if I said:

'I love you'

Would I ever hear:

'I love you' back?

Well, let's start small... let's start through here...

Hi my name, you know it, I am in your same grade and generation. I have two classes with you and homeroom. I know your favorite color is green. And I know that you play American football. I know your parents are strict. I am personally a very 'stay at home and chill' type of person but I can also go outside and be with friends. I like being with my friends at parties or anywhere basically.

About my personality well, I like to be a little straight forward but yet I like for people to try to be my friend.

So...

Dear Everest...

I like you...

Are you willing to like me back?